Empathy before education, also for the family and friends of the Chamas hostages

This empathy must be the easiest in the world, but it must be expressed

Marshall Rosenberg coined the slogan ‘Empathy before education.’

You can’t convey your thinking to people who suffer until you first express your sympathy for what they are going through.

It must be sincere and lengthy enough. Not some ‘I know it’s hard what you’re going through, but …,’ which is almost the opposite of compassion.

There is no place for calling them names in the name of ‘reality.’

If I were the PM of Israel, this is what I would say to the loved ones of our kidnapped:

1. We’re with You.

The whole of the Jewish People is with you and your unbearable suffering.

Past Shabbat and the days after, the whole world has seen the pictures proving again what monsters Chamas terrorists are. It has witnessed how they had changed healthy Jews into walking skeletons. Also US President Trump is furious about it and so are many others, vocally and quietly.

Everyone understands if you’re angry at the Israeli government or PM. You expect the best of us and not of a bunch of coldhearted murderers.

2. What We’ve Done

We listened to you and felt for you and we still do.

We gathered an enormous amount of intelligence to find the kidnapped. We’ve tried to know who is alive and in what condition.

Thanks to your tireless publicity and the press, the faces and lives of your loved ones became household names for all Jews and our friends here and around the world. They are forever part of the living history of our People, even clearer than the Six Million and the Holocaust survivors.

Daily, we pray for their healing, release, and the well-being of their families and friends, privately and in the many prayer houses worldwide.

Our brave and selfless soldiers have tried to liberate them while risking their own lives. Sometimes with success, sometimes, sadly, without.

Our brave and selfless soldiers have tried not to harm them. Sometimes with success, sometimes, sadly, without.

We have negotiated and still. We’ve engaged any foreign entity that could have helped.

We have fried hundreds of terrorists and mass murderers in piecemeal exchanges.

Even the blatantly anti-Israel International Court of Justice on 26 January 2024 (clause 56) “expressed its grave concern over the fate of the hostages abducted during the attack in Israel on 7 October 2023 and held since then by Hamas and other armed groups, and called for their immediate and unconditional release.” [The grammar mistakes are theirs.] To no avail.

We have not given up on any opportunity arising and miracles. Just like you have not. Good for you. We all are waiting with bated breaths—but not as much as you, of course.

3. We Must Act Decisively

Like you feel desperate, we’re getting to the end of what we can do.

Chamas is not a regular enemy. They’re dedicated to murdering and dying. The more Jews suffer and die, the better they feel. We can follow their cruel demands only so much. We can’t become complicit in their genocide.

And the more we encourage the terrorists and war criminals of Chamas, the more we give the surviving, decimated Chamas leadership the impression that they are the cat and our lives and the lives of our loved ones are mice they can toy with. (In their supremacist delusion, they’ll make fatal mistakes.) We must tell them their game is up.

When we submit more, they’ll demand more and more concessions in exchange for what will transpire to be holy corpses in body bags. The concession will make more of our soldiers in Gaza and Jewish civilians everywhere lose their lives to terrorism. That’s the harsh truth.

Therefore, we demand the immediate release of all the living hostages in one go this Shabbat before noon. The American President agrees.

Those they don’t free immediately are surely dead, bound in eternal light.

Just now, Benny Gantz said it well, ‘As I understand it, this ceasefire, at its core, is about the release of the hostages. And if the release of the hostages does not take place, then there is no reason for the ceasefire anyway. Therefore, the situation, as far as I am concerned, is binary. Either the hostages return, or we resume fighting. It’s that simple.’ Most Israelis want the IDF to finish the job in Gaza, finally and decades overdue.

Then we prefer to continue to exterminate Chamas and only after that, to return our loved ones to give them a respectable burial place among us.

Gazans need to leave Gaza anyway because the few houses still standing are all booby-trapped by Chamas and dangerous so much as to look at.

Chamas still could comply and live on in exile or surrender. But they also, like Hitler’s troops, may stay determined to fight to their death. The lives of their civilians are worthless to them too, so they play no role either. Thus, to threaten Gazans to pressure Chamas is absurd and a war crime.

We must appreciate that a peace process rejection is not always terrible. That Arafat said no was Heaven-sent when Israel’s PM went way too far.

We hope for the best against all despair, but we’re preparing for the worst.

We will stand and sit with you. May you feel embraced by us all forever.

—–

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About the Author

MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, previously a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He often makes his readers laugh, mad, or assume he's nuts—close to perfect blogging. He's proud that his analytical short comments are removed both from left-wing and right-wing news sites. None of his content is generated by the new bore on the block, AI. * As a frontier thinker, he sees things many don't yet. He's half a prophet. Half. Let's not exaggerate. Or not at all because he doesn't claim G^d talks to him. He gives him good ideas—that's all. MM doesn't believe that people observe and think in a vacuum. He, therefore, wanted a broad bio that readers interested can track a bit what (lack of) backgrounds, experiences, and educations contribute to his visions. * This year, he will prioritize getting his unpublished books published rather than just blog posts. Next year, he hopes to focus on activism against human extinction. To find less-recent posts on a subject XXX among his over 2000 archived ones, go to the right-top corner of a Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". One can find a second, wilder blog, to which one may subscribe too, here: https://mmvanzuiden.wordpress.com/ or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. * Like most of his readers, he believes in being friendly, respectful, and loyal. However, if you think those are his absolute top priorities, you might end up disappointed. His first loyalty is to the truth. He will try to stay within the limits of democratic and Jewish law, but he won't lie to support opinions or people when don't deserve that. (Yet, we all make honest mistakes, which is just fine and does not justify losing support.) He admits that he sometimes exaggerates to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * Sometimes he's misunderstood because his wide and diverse field of vision seldomly fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what some love about him. He has written a lot about Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (including basic statistics), Politics (Israel, the US, and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight reality), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA+, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), the Climate Crisis, Ecology and Veganism, Affairs from the news, or the Torah Portion of the Week, or new insights that suddenly befell him. * Chronologically, his most influential teachers are his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim, Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. This short list doesn't mean to disrespect others who taught him a lot or a little. One of his rabbis calls him Mr. Innovation [Ish haChidushim]. Yet, his originalities seem to root deeply in traditional Judaism, though they may grow in unexpected directions. In fact, he claims he's modernizing nothing. Rather, mainly basing himself on the basic Hebrew Torah text, he tries to rediscover classical Jewish thought almost lost in thousands of years of stifling Gentile domination and Jewish assimilation. (He pleads for a close reading of the Torah instead of going by rough assumptions of what it would probably mean and before fleeing to Commentaries.) This, in all aspects of life, but prominently in the areas of Free Will, Activism, Homosexuality for men, and Redemption. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, and disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed. He aims to bring a fresh perspective rather than harp on the obvious and familiar. When he can, he loves to write encyclopedic overviews. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds should be disputed. In short, his main political positions are among others: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, anti those who abuse democratic liberties, anti the fake ME peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, pro-Science, pro-Free Will, anti-blaming-the-victim, and for down-to-earth, classical optimism, and happiness. Read his blog on how he attempts to bridge any tensions between those ideas or fields. * He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (https://diethylstilbestrol.co.uk/studies/des-and-psychological-health/), born in 1953 to his parents who were Dutch-Jewish Holocaust survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork. He grew up a humble listener. It took him decades to become a speaker too, and decades more to admit to being a genius. But his humility was his to keep. And so was his honesty. Bullies and con artists almost instantaneously envy and hate him. He hopes to bring new things and not just preach to the choir. * He holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam) – is half a doctor. He practices Re-evaluation Co-counseling since 1977, is not an official teacher anymore, and became a friendly, powerful therapist. He became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he was active in hasbara to the Dutch-speaking public. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having an original peek outside of your cultural bubble. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me. * His newest books you may find here: https://www.amazon.com/s?i=stripbooks&rh=p_27%3AMoshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&s=relevancerank&text=Moshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&ref=dp_byline_sr_book_1