Ensuring continuity – the renaissance of Jewish coupling

“Find me a find, catch me a catch.”¹

As a young and very naïve boy growing up in the small but vibrant Jewish community of Perth, Australia, I assumed Sheldon Harnick’s unforgettable lyrics from Fiddler on the Roof, sung by Tevye’s older daughters, described how my own future would unfold. Someone, somehow, would simply take care of it. Tout simple. It never occurred to me that finding a partner might one day be my responsibility alone.

Early on, I also absorbed a more sobering, Dickensian truth: *“It is no small labour to find a companion whose disposition will bear the long, ordinary business of life.”*² Distil that further into finding a Jewish companion, and the challenge sharpens. For those across centuries who have cared about continuity in Jewish life and the survival of Judaism itself, partnering has never been incidental. It has always mattered.

One does not need a battery of statistics to observe that Jewish connectedness, both personal and collective, has intensified in recent years. Some call this a silver lining; I see it as a natural response to a calamitous era. The instinct to proliferate, to flourish, to ensure survival, is deeply embedded in Jewish history. It always has been.

And yet, conversations with younger people, and with their parents, many of whom are friends, suggest that meeting, partnering, and marrying Jewish today feels more complex than it once did. Outside ultra-Orthodox communities, the traditional shidduch is largely a relic. In Australia, so too are dinner dances, senior Jewish sports carnivals, and the Zionist youth movements that once formed the backbone of Jewish social life. This is how our grandparents and many of our parents met. Over recent decades, broader societal trends have seeped into secular and traditional Jewish communities alike, where coupling has quietly slipped down the list of priorities.

If Jewish communities are to survive, and if the institutions that sustain them are to endure, we must confront the uncomfortable reality of intermarriage. While precise measurement is difficult, the trend in Australia is clear. In the early 1990s, depending on location, intermarriage rates sat at roughly 15 per cent. By contrast, the GEN17 Australian Jewish Community Survey shows that between 2010 and 2017, the rate rose to an estimated 25–33 per cent.³ That is a steep curve.

The situation in the United States is even more stark. Pew Research data indicate that intermarriage rates rose from approximately 42 per cent in the 1990s and early 2000s to between 58 and 61 per cent for marriages since 2010.⁴ To describe this as “concerning” would be euphemistic. This is urgency.

The Aetiology

Jewish day school attendance across Australian cities is relatively high, with a network of schools fostering early friendships and communal identity. Yet even for those with these advantages and certainly for those without, the challenge of finding a Jewish partner remains significant.

A confluence of changes has ruptured traditional meeting points. Youth movements, once central to Jewish social life and pairing particularly for the post-war and Baby Boomer generations, have diminished in reach and influence. Many still exist and do vital work, but their gravitational pull is weaker than it once was.

COVID accelerated this erosion. University campuses—long a crucible of Jewish social interaction, emptied, and attendance has never fully rebounded. Jewish student organisations such as AUJS remain committed and active, but they now operate with a smaller, less cohesive pool. Since October 7, universities have also, to put it mildly, become less hospitable environments for Jewish students. These are critical partnering years, and the contraction of campus life has had lasting effects. The same is true of the “new normal” of working from home.

Dating apps feel transactional and ill-suited to long-term partnering. Fixed, unspoken Jewish “hangouts” of my youth, the bars and clubs of the 1990s, are no longer a given. Younger people simply go out less, for a host of cultural and economic reasons.

The Panacea

A close friend and communal activist, herself the parent of young adults, rightly reminds me that any lasting solution must be driven by younger generations and endorsed by them. Without that, it will fail.

Still, there is an urgent role for the broader community to play, particularly in supporting Generation Z and those who follow. At minimum, we must recognise that a rupture has occurred in the ability of young Jews to meet. Addressing this should be a communal priority, not an afterthought. Doing so may also ease the justifiable anxiety of Jewish parents surveying the landscape with concern.

We have rightly focused on antisemitism and survival. But survival also means continuity. Jews have always been able to walk and chew gum at the same time.

Encouragingly, responses are already emerging. Young adult synagogue events have gained real momentum, with marriages already resulting. The Community Security Group has empowered young Jews, fostered fitness and purpose, and doubled as a social nexus. Israel missions have proliferated, alongside alternative, non–youth movement programs. New Shabbat clubs, stylish, informal, and unapologetically social, are springing up, exuding a sense of possibility.⁵

What is needed now is scale, innovation, and intent. Programs must be imagined and led by young people themselves, supported by communal resources, funding, and logistics. If intermarriage rates are to be stabilised and Jewish connection strengthened, this work must be prioritised.

After the maelstrom of recent years, this is a moment for constructive action. Ensuring the future of Jewish communal life is not incidental. It is, once again, a call to action.

Light Footnotes / Links

1. Fiddler on the Roof (1964), lyrics by Sheldon Harnick
   https://www.ibdb.com/broadway-show/fiddler-on-the-roof-3305

2. Commonly attributed to Charles Dickens (variously cited in Victorian-era reflections on marriage)
   https://quoteinvestigator.com/2016/02/21/companion/

3. GEN17 Australian Jewish Community Survey (Monash University)
   https://www.gen17.org.au

4. Pew Research Center, Jewish Americans in 2020
   https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2021/05/11/marriage-families-and-children/

5. Examples documented across Australian synagogues, Israel programs, and young adult initiatives
   https://www.jewishnews.net.au