Kenneth Cohen

Finding a Mate

When Eliezer goes out to seek a wife for Yitzchak, he comes up with a condition that will show the worthiness, of the bride to be. She must immediately show signs of Chessed and kindness.

She will do this by offering water to him and his camels. This will show that she is not selfish, but thinks of others.

It is important to note that the Torah is teaching us that this is the most important character trait to look for in a mate. If they do not see that giving selflessly to others is a priority, there could be problems later on.

I always told my students to look for certain specific positive traits when looking to marry. All of them, are deal breakers if these traits are lacking.

First, they must be individuals who understand that they must be constantly working on themselves to become better. As a couple, this task becomes much easier.

Second, they must demonstrate a love for the study of Torah. Such study, must become the foundation of the home.

The third point is to look out for a jealous nature. When one has jealousy in his heart, he will never be happy, and it will be very difficult for a spouse to ever please them.

And the final point is to watch out for feelings of entitlement. When someone feels, everything is coming to them, they will not know how to show appreciation for one’s generosity. It’s difficult for a marriage to work, if one side never feels appreciated.

Eliezer began our lesson as to what to look for in a spouse. I added some of my own points based on the Torah and my own experience in counseling numerous couples. It would be a good idea to learn these lessons well.

About the Author
Rabbi Cohen has been a Torah instructor at Machon Meir, Jerusalem, for over twenty years while also teaching a Talmud class in the Shtieblach of Old Katamon. Before coming to Israel, he was the founding rabbi of Young Israel of Century City, Los Angeles. He recently published a series of Hebrew language-learning apps, which are available at