I explained that Jewish Law needs to reconsider its experimental (60-year-old) ban on all and every form of sexuality for homosexual men, and that the dangers of climate change need it to update too. Now, let’s look at changes in modern Jewish family life and their consequences for Halachah.
Hebrew Scripture stresses the importance of our tribal and family roots. Parents, siblings, children, and spouses have a special status.
(The Rabbis explain that raising or teaching youngsters makes them more your children than just donating DNA or/and renting out your womb.)
Yet, in the past century, for most Jews, family life has changed drastically.
It used to be that families lived as multi-generational clans, with siblings in every age group also living nearby. Many generations knew nobody who ever left their village (except to escape genocide). Parents had often many children. When one parent died, the surviving parent often remarried, thus adding resources and more kids. If growing up, you didn’t get along with one or both of your parents, no problem. There was easily an uncle, aunt, grandparent, older sibling, or neighbor who did get along with you. Then, you stayed with them for a shorter or longer time. Everyone relieved.
But in modern life, many families live isolated from their clan, dispersed, with often few children. All too frequently, children would leave their parents before getting married. And often, everyone after them built their own Mishpachah, called ‘friends.’ Especially when Ashkenazic Jews.
‘You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends.’ However, these friends, often lifesavers, have no status in Jewish Law.
This is an example true to life. I made a new friend from the Netherlands. He grew up in a very religious Christian family, converted to Judaism, and moved to Israel. The young guy got married in the Cave of the Patriarch complex in Hebron to a nice Dutch-Jewish girl. I remember it as an unbelievably deep and happy Chuppah/Chattunah. At a special time too: Chanukah, Christmas, and Ramadan coincided. But then it happened. Three months into the marriage (sorry for the shock), a terrorist murdered him in an ambush. A Jewish bride should find her husband home every evening in the first year. She shouldn’t have to bury him. And, how to comfort the mother? She did that herself. She said (I remember it as if it was yesterday): “My son was always an unhappy outsider. But since his conversion, he became happy. I’m so grateful he got to know happiness.”
No one doubts that his wife and mother deserved attention and empathy and help to live. But at the Shiva was his best friend in the army, or so. He was emotionally destroyed. But officially, he was no mourner. He came to comfort the mourners, but no one said to him: grab a low stool and cry.
Another example. Terrorists attack an engaged couple. The boy heroically saves the girl but dies himself defending her. They were ‘only’ engaged. Would anyone say that she’s not really one of the mourners? I wouldn’t.
Another happier example. I know of someone who moved with his whole family to another neighborhood to be closer to his Chavruta/learning partner. Yet, for Jewish Law, their relationship is almost meaningless.
First, one needs to notice that Jews now don’t live like 200 years ago. Then, one can easily see an update is in order here. Above, I mentioned which family members have a special status in case of mourning, G^d forbid. Let’s give Best Friends Forever a Rabbinic status as mourners. That means: Rabbinically obligated to sit Shiva, say kaddish, and have Yahrzeit.
Someone should be able to call their rabbi and tell him: I had such-and-such a relationship with someone who passed away now. Can I sit Shiva?
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, previously a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He often makes his readers laugh, mad, or assume he's nuts—close to perfect blogging. He's proud that his analytical short comments are removed both from left-wing and right-wing news sites. None of his content is generated by the new bore on the block, AI. *
As a frontier thinker, he sees things many don't yet. He's half a prophet. Half. Let's not exaggerate. Or not at all because he doesn't claim G^d talks to him. He gives him good ideas—that's all. MM doesn't believe that people observe and think in a vacuum. He, therefore, wanted a broad bio that readers interested can track a bit what (lack of) backgrounds, experiences, and educations contribute to his visions. *
This year, he will prioritize getting his unpublished books published rather than just blog posts. Of the 15 (!) books he has in mind, the next two are about homosexuality in Judaism and new rabbinics. Next year, he hopes to focus on activism against human extinction. To find less-recent posts on a subject XXX among his over 2600 archived ones, go to the right-top corner of a Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". One can find a second, wilder blog that also may contain updates to Times of Israel posts, to which one may subscribe, here: https://mmvanzuiden.wordpress.com/ or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. *
He's getting ready to publicize books on: "Free Will, "Judaism and Homosexuality, "His parents in the Holocaust, "Judaism, "A New Torah Translation and "A New Hebrew Grammar, "Co-Counseling, "Vegan Facts, "Immortality, and more. *
Like most of his readers, he believes in being friendly, respectful, and loyal. However, if you think those are his absolute top priorities, you might end up disappointed. His first loyalty is to the truth. He agrees that in a post-truth world, that's irrelevant, but then this is for the record. He will try to stay within the limits of democratic and Jewish law, but he won't lie to support opinions or people when don't deserve that. (Yet, we all make honest mistakes, which is just fine and does not justify losing support.) He admits that he sometimes exaggerates to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. *
Sometimes he's misunderstood because his wide and diverse field of vision seldomly fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what some love about him. He has written a lot about Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (including basic statistics), Politics (Israel, the US, and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight reality), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA+, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), the Climate Crisis, Ecology and Veganism, Affairs from the news, or the Torah Portion of the Week, or new insights that suddenly befell him. *
Chronologically, his most influential teachers are his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim, Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. This short list doesn't mean to disrespect others who taught him a lot or a little. One of his rabbis calls him Mr. Innovation [Ish haChidushim]. Yet, his originalities seem to root deeply in traditional Judaism, though they may grow in unexpected directions. In fact, he claims he's modernizing nothing. Rather, mainly basing himself on the basic Hebrew Torah text, he tries to rediscover classical Jewish thought almost lost in thousands of years of stifling Gentile domination and Jewish assimilation. (He pleads for a close reading of the Torah instead of going by rough assumptions of what it would probably mean and before fleeing to Commentaries.) This, in all aspects of life, but prominently in the areas of Free Will, Activism, Homosexuality for men, and Redemption. *
He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, and disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed. He aims to bring a fresh perspective rather than harp on the obvious and familiar. When he can, he loves to write encyclopedic overviews. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds should be disputed. In short, his main political positions are among others: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, anti those who abuse democratic liberties, anti the fake ME peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, pro-Science, pro-Free Will, anti-blaming-the-victim, and for down-to-earth, classical optimism, and happiness. Read his blog on how he attempts to bridge any tensions between those ideas or fields. *
He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (https://diethylstilbestrol.co.uk/studies/des-and-psychological-health/), born in 1953 to his parents who were Dutch-Jewish Holocaust survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork. He grew up a humble listener. It took him decades to become a speaker too, and decades more to admit to being a genius. But his humility was his to keep. And so was his honesty. Bullies and con artists almost instantaneously envy and hate him. He hopes to bring new things and not just preach to the choir. *
He holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam) – is half a doctor. He practices Re-evaluation Co-counseling since 1977, is not an official teacher anymore, and became a friendly, powerful therapist. He became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he was active in hasbara to the Dutch-speaking public. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. *
His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having an original peek outside of your cultural bubble. His posts are spell, grammar, and style polished by AI, but all written by himself. *
To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me. *
His newest books you may find here: https://www.amazon.com/s?i=stripbooks&rh=p_27%3AMoshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&s=relevancerank&text=Moshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&ref=dp_byline_sr_book_1
