From Gay marriage to Joy (Jew-Goy) marriage?

Please, first read the article to which the below is a commentary: Maverick Rabbi Breaks Ranks Over Intermarriage.

Disclaimer: I’m an Orthodox Ba’al Teshuva (returner to Judaism) and know very little about Conservative Judaism. However, I still appreciate people leading where everyone else seems stuck. That halachac Jews generally are stuck on intermarriage is clear.

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach did embrace also non-Jews at his Oxford Student Jews Club (whatever its name) but that’s not the same as officiating at an intermarriage.

What made me reflect deeper is that Rabbi Lau here wants to be nice to the Gentile partner and call them Joyim – Jews who are also Goyim. How about going the other way?

The motive not to reject such a couple is not to lose them altogether. But the naughty troublesome one is the Jew, not the Gentile. At least the latter loves a Jew! The problem does not lie with them!

Maybe we should only call someone marrying out a Joy – a Jew who’s also (behaving ) like a Goy.

Many of the Jews who fall in love with a non-Jew did not seek that – it seemingly just happened.

But, I think that many Jews marry only Jews for the wrong reason. They appear to marry Jews only, because they would not dare to trust a non-Jew. Now, this might cause intermarriage. How so?

If one, openly or subliminally, gives one’s children the message that Gentiles are less than wonderful, and such a child finds out that sometimes a non-Jew is magnificent, the best thing that ever happened to them, then they may tend to prove such parents wrong.

Only when we raise our children with the solid knowledge that Gentiles can be fantastic, they won’t be so surprised that they’ll have to marry them. And only then they can truly choose a Jewish spouse, instead of just going with the flow, or, awarely or subconsciously, rowing against this as rebellion.

I know there is a lot of Goyophobia among us. But the real problematic one here is the Jew who wants to marry out – not the non-Jew who wants to marry into our Tribe.

A trend with more and more intermarriage is a current given. Instead of trying to transform the non-Jewish partner, perhaps we should put emphasis on the out-marrying one, trying to get them to become more classically Jewish. Once s/he wants a committed-Jewish partner – not for rejection of Gentiles but rather for embracing full-blown Judaism to transmit to the next generation – the latter will follow their Jewish spouse’s wishes and convert – love conquers all. After all, love was the whole reason for them wanting to marry a Jew in the first place.

Let’s not give up on anyone, but put the emphasis of our concern where it should be.

An intermarriage ceremony could be just performed Jewish-style as a welcoming ceremony to the non-Jewish partner and that’s it.

Once the Jewish partner is ready to have a more Jewish life, there can be a wedding ceremony to celebrate the post-intermarried couple: a Jewish wedding ceremony for two Jewish partners.

After I wrote this, I found some similar thought: here.

Getting unstuck by reading Rabbi Lau’s thinking, I wanted to share what’s coming up in me. Not as my last word on the issue. Rather, my first thoughts on the subject. Let’s keep thinking!

About the Author

MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, previously a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He often makes his readers laugh, mad, or assume he's nuts—close to perfect blogging. He's proud that his analytical short comments are removed both from left-wing and right-wing news sites. None of his content is generated by the new bore on the block, AI. * As a frontier thinker, he sees things many don't yet. He's half a prophet. Half. Let's not exaggerate. Or not at all because he doesn't claim G^d talks to him. He gives him good ideas—that's all. MM doesn't believe that people observe and think in a vacuum. He, therefore, wanted a broad bio that readers interested can track a bit what (lack of) backgrounds, experiences, and educations contribute to his visions. * This year, he will prioritize getting his unpublished books published rather than just blog posts. Next year, he hopes to focus on activism against human extinction. To find less-recent posts on a subject XXX among his over 2000 archived ones, go to the right-top corner of a Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". One can find a second, wilder blog, to which one may subscribe too, here: https://mmvanzuiden.wordpress.com/ or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. * Like most of his readers, he believes in being friendly, respectful, and loyal. However, if you think those are his absolute top priorities, you might end up disappointed. His first loyalty is to the truth. He will try to stay within the limits of democratic and Jewish law, but he won't lie to support opinions or people when don't deserve that. (Yet, we all make honest mistakes, which is just fine and does not justify losing support.) He admits that he sometimes exaggerates to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. 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