Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews -- For those who like their news and truths frank and sharp

From Gay marriage to Joy (Jew-Goy) marriage?

Please, first read the article to which the below is a commentary: Maverick Rabbi Breaks Ranks Over Intermarriage.

Disclaimer: I’m an Orthodox Ba’al Teshuva (returner to Judaism) and know very little about Conservative Judaism. However, I still appreciate people leading where everyone else seems stuck. That halachac Jews generally are stuck on intermarriage is clear.

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach did embrace also non-Jews at his Oxford Student Jews Club (whatever its name) but that’s not the same as officiating at an intermarriage.

What made me reflect deeper is that Rabbi Lau here wants to be nice to the Gentile partner and call them Joyim – Jews who are also Goyim. How about going the other way?

The motive not to reject such a couple is not to lose them altogether. But the naughty troublesome one is the Jew, not the Gentile. At least the latter loves a Jew! The problem does not lie with them!

Maybe we should only call someone marrying out a Joy – a Jew who’s also (behaving ) like a Goy.

Many of the Jews who fall in love with a non-Jew did not seek that – it seemingly just happened.

But, I think that many Jews marry only Jews for the wrong reason. They appear to marry Jews only, because they would not dare to trust a non-Jew. Now, this might cause intermarriage. How so?

If one, openly or subliminally, gives one’s children the message that Gentiles are less than wonderful, and such a child finds out that sometimes a non-Jew is magnificent, the best thing that ever happened to them, then they may tend to prove such parents wrong.

Only when we raise our children with the solid knowledge that Gentiles can be fantastic, they won’t be so surprised that they’ll have to marry them. And only then they can truly choose a Jewish spouse, instead of just going with the flow, or, awarely or subconsciously, rowing against this as rebellion.

I know there is a lot of Goyophobia among us. But the real problematic one here is the Jew who wants to marry out – not the non-Jew who wants to marry into our Tribe.

A trend with more and more intermarriage is a current given. Instead of trying to transform the non-Jewish partner, perhaps we should put emphasis on the out-marrying one, trying to get them to become more classically Jewish. Once s/he wants a committed-Jewish partner – not for rejection of Gentiles but rather for embracing full-blown Judaism to transmit to the next generation – the latter will follow their Jewish spouse’s wishes and convert – love conquers all. After all, love was the whole reason for them wanting to marry a Jew in the first place.

Let’s not give up on anyone, but put the emphasis of our concern where it should be.

An intermarriage ceremony could be just performed Jewish-style as a welcoming ceremony to the non-Jewish partner and that’s it.

Once the Jewish partner is ready to have a more Jewish life, there can be a wedding ceremony to celebrate the post-intermarried couple: a Jewish wedding ceremony for two Jewish partners.

After I wrote this, I found some similar thought: here.

Getting unstuck by reading Rabbi Lau’s thinking, I wanted to share what’s coming up in me. Not as my last word on the issue. Rather, my first thoughts on the subject. Let’s keep thinking!

About the Author
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, an almost daily blog contributor to the Times of Israel, and previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. He often makes his readers laugh, mad, or assume he's nuts—close to perfect blogging. He's proud that his analytical short comments are removed both from left-wing and right-wing news sites. * As a frontier thinker, he sees things many don't yet. He's half a prophet. Half. Let's not exaggerate. He doesn't believe that people observe and think in a vacuum. He, therefore, wanted a broad bio that readers interested can track a bit about what (lack of) backgrounds, experiences, and education contribute to his visions. * If you don't know the Dutch, get an American peek behind the scenes here: * To find less-recent posts on subject XXX among his over 1600 archived ones, go to the right-top corner of a Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". One can find a second, wilder blog, to which one may subscribe, here: * Like most of his readers, he believes in being friendly, respectful, and loyal. Yet, if you think those are his absolute top priorities, you might end up disappointed. His first loyalty is to the truth. He will try to stay within the limits of democratic and Jewish law, but he won't lie to support opinions or people who don't deserve that. He admits that he sometimes exaggerates to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * Sometimes he's misunderstood because his wide and diverse field of vision seldomly fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what some love about him. He has written a lot about Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (including basic statistics), Politics (Israel, the US, and the Netherlands, Activism), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA+, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust, and Jewish Liberation), the Climate Crisis, Ecology and Veganism, Affairs from the news, or the Torah Portion of the Week, or new insights that suddenly befell him. * His most influential teachers (chronologically) are his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim, Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. * One of his rabbis calls him Mr. Innovation [Ish haChidushim]. Yet, his originalities seem to root deeply in traditional Judaism, though they may grow in unexpected directions. In fact, he claims he's modernizing nothing. Rather, mainly basing himself on the basic Hebrew Torah text, he tries to rediscover classical Jewish thought almost lost in thousands of years of stifling Gentile domination and Jewish assimilation. (He pleads for a close reading of the Torah instead of going by rough assumptions of what it would probably mean and before fleeing to Commentaries.) This, in all aspects of life, but prominently in the areas of Free Will, Activism, Homosexuality for men, and Redemption. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, and disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed. He aims to bring a fresh perspective rather than harp on the obvious and familiar. He loves to write encyclopedic overviews. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds should be disputed. In short, his main political positions are among others: anti-Trumpism, anti-elitism, anti-bigotry and supremacy, for Zionism, Intersectionality, and non-violence, anti those who abuse democratic liberties, anti the fake ME peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, pro-Science, pro-Free Will, anti-blaming-the-victim, and for down-to-earth, classical optimism, and happiness. * He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (, born in 1953 to parents who were Dutch-Jewish Holocaust survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork. He grew up a humble listener. It took him decades to become a speaker too. Bullies and con artists almost instantaneously envy and hate him. * He holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam) – is half a doctor. He practices Re-evaluation Co-counseling since 1977, is not an official teacher anymore, and became a friendly, empowering therapist. 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