Marriage Education, Enrichment / Enhancement & Advocacy
From ME → to US → to the HOME we create together.
My From “ME” to “US” Marriage Renewal Series began with a simple challenge:
What do I bring to my marriage—and what do WE need to build a stronger “US”?
Before Yom Kippur, I focused on anger—one of the traits that can stand in the way of the peaceful home we want to create.
Now Yom Kippur is behind us.
We reflected. We resolved. We asked what we could change.
Now we bring those resolutions literally into OUR HOME.
And that leads to the next Marriage Challenge:
What can I contribute to help create a more harmonious and peaceful HOME?
Here are ten ways to start.
- Choose Shalom Bayit
Peace doesn’t just happen. We have to choose it—especially when we disagree.
Instead of asking, “Am I right?” try asking:
“What does our US need from me right now?”
- Make Respect and Honor the Rule
Disagreement does not have to become disrespect.
Before responding, ask:
“Can I express what I need to say while still honoring the person I married?”
- Change the Words—Change the Home
Take a hard look at the words filling your home.
Are they mostly critical—or appreciative?
Try adding more:
“Thank you.”
“I appreciate you.”
“I noticed what you did.”
Words create atmosphere. Choose the ones that create the home you want.
- Notice the Good
Years of marriage can make it easy to stop noticing.
Notice again.
Acknowledge. Appreciate. Compliment. Show affection.
One genuine “I noticed—and thank you” every day is a good place to begin.
- Create Jewish Moments
Shabbat. Kiddush. Candles. Holidays. Tzedakah. Learning. Jewish traditions.
Whatever fits your level of observance, create Jewish moments that belong to the two of you.
Make shared Jewish meaning part of your “US.”
- Protect the “US”
Work. Children. Finances. Caregiving. Community. Screens.
They will take all the time we give them.
So deliberately give some time back to the marriage.
It doesn’t have to cost anything.
A walk. Coffee. A weekly date. A check-in. A conversation without a phone.
Protect the time—and protect the “US.”
- Assume the Best Before the Worst
Before reacting to a tone, expression or comment, stop.
Ask:
“Could there be another explanation?”
And perhaps simply say:
“Is something on your mind?”
“Can I help?”
A little benefit of the doubt can prevent a lot of unnecessary hurt.
- Bring Teshuvah Home
Yom Kippur is over.
Teshuvah isn’t.
A new year gives us another opportunity to apologize, repair and begin again.
Ask your spouse:
“What can I do for YOU that would brighten your day?”
And ask yourself:
“What can I do differently to strengthen trust between us?”
- Define Your HOME
Why not create a Marriage Mission Statement for the New Year?
Ask each other:
What do we want our home to feel like?
Warm? Safe? Joyful? Jewish? Respectful? Loving?
Then identify one or two things you can actually do to make that vision real.
Don’t just describe the HOME you want. Help create it.
- Make the Marriage Sacred
Perhaps holiness in the Jewish home begins with one very practical question:
How am I treating the person I married?
With dignity?
Kindness?
Patience?
Care?
Jewish values don’t belong only at the Shabbat table.
They belong between us.
The Next Marriage Challenge
Yom Kippur gave us the opportunity for reflection.
Now comes the opportunity for action.
Take these ten suggestions and choose one.
Not ten.
One.
Bring it home. Practice it. Let your spouse experience the difference.
And let the Marriage Renewal journey continue:
From ME.
To US.
To the HOME we create together.
Perhaps that is our post-Yom Kippur resolution.
Not only:
How can I become a better person?
But:
How can the person I am becoming help us create a better Jewish home?
THE BEST TAKEAWAY
Make sure you set up regular Check Ins to see HOW ARE WE DOING? And make Mid course adjustments for the sake of MAKING THIS YEAR THE BEST YEAR OF YOUR MARITAL LIFE!!! And in so doing you are caring the Yom Kippur spirit forward and ensuring that our homes become the true sanctuaries for SHALOM AND HARMONY!