Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews -- For those who like their news and truths frank and sharp

Gay parents are the best parents!

Not many people have a difficulty admitting that in general mothers are better parents than fathers. While it’s not a competition (and often, two parents may complete each other), many have noticed that fathers may be important but who could grow up without a mother? (I’m not trashing fathers, being one myself and not even denying that many times a father may be as good or even better than the mother. Still, on average, my idea stands, I think.)

To mind comes this spooky cure-the-gay publicist who wanted to prove that a mixed-sex pair of parents must be the best. To his chagrin he found that the single women in his study had been better parents. His “explanation”? They had used better sperm as sperm banks select. This is so laughable that we can conclude that the old norms need to die.

Science has shown (and I’m sure many of us have found) that homosexuals overall simply have more empathy than heterosexuals; more empathy with men, women, children and with animals). Is there anything more important in parenting than empathy? However, when it comes to homosexual and heterosexual parents, for many people the former still need to justify and prove themselves. No need. Homosexual parents are the best!

Half a dozen reports have appeared in the last 24 hours about the Israeli government wanting to continue the baseless, heartless and cruel discrimination of homosexual adoptive parents, though I found the TOI reporting the best.

Hold on to your seats

I want to add an argument to the discussion about gay adoptions and parenting in general, that I haven’t seen anywhere yet. Hold on to your seats – it might be hard to admit – and to deny.

Let me first say that there is nothing wrong with being heterosexual, a man, white, a Gentile or a member of any other privileged group. Being over-privileged however, comes with a responsibility to help promote and spread fairness and equality.

Here’s my argument for gay parenting. Gay parents typically inflict less incest. GLBTQ people still have many open and covert enemies. Even one case of same-sex family sexual abuse of children would create a world-wide storm, but such reports are almost non-existent (I found one that is clearly bogus). Every psychotherapist knows that sexual violence inside families, especially targeting children, is rampant (only not in your family). We can simply and safely conclude that homosexuals are the best-protecting parents by far!

In case you do not like to read that gay parents on average are better, may I only ask if you have the same problem with a claim that mothers generally are the better parents?

Not only are homosexual parents not more suspect to molest (still a popular Israeli prejudice), not only are they equally capable – they are better.

Withholding adoption options (and teaching jobs) from them is cruel and stupid. And to do this to Jewish gay men (most lesbians do not need adoptions) is even more nasty, given the importance in Judaism of being a link in the chain of generations. Yet no heterosexual can claim: What can we do – we do not have enough empathy to feel for them. Millions of straight allies are showing already that gay oppression can be opposed by them successfully and in great numbers.

About the Author
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, previously a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He often makes his readers laugh, mad, or assume he's nuts—close to perfect blogging. As a frontier thinker, he sees things many don't yet. He's half a prophet. Half. Let's not exaggerate. He doesn't believe that people observe and think in a vacuum. He, therefore, wanted a broad bio that readers interested can track a bit what (lack of) backgrounds, experiences, and educations contribute to his visions. * This year, he will prioritize getting his unpublished books published rather than just blog posts. Next year, he hopes to focus on activism against human extinction. To find less-recent posts on a subject XXX among his over 1400 archived ones, go to the right-top corner of a Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". One can find a second, wilder blog, to which one may subscribe, here: https://mmvanzuiden.wordpress.com/ or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. * Like most of his readers, he believes in being friendly, respectful, and loyal. However, if you think those are his absolute top priorities, you might end up disappointed. His first loyalty is to the truth. He will try to stay within the limits of democratic and Jewish law, but he won't lie to support opinions or people when don't deserve that. (Yet, we all make honest mistakes, which is just fine and does not justify losing support.) He admits that he sometimes exaggerates to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * Sometimes he's misunderstood because his wide and diverse field of vision seldomly fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what some love about him. He has written a lot about Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (including basic statistics), Politics (Israel, the US, and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight reality), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA+, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), the Climate Crisis, Ecology and Veganism, Affairs from the news, or the Torah Portion of the Week, or new insights that suddenly befell him. * Chronologically, his most influential teachers are his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim, Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. This short list doesn't mean to disrespect others who taught him a lot or a little. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, and disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed. He aims to bring a fresh perspective rather than harp on the obvious and familiar. When he can, he loves to write encyclopedic overviews. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds should be disputed. In short, his main political positions are among others: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, anti those who abuse democratic liberties, anti the fake ME peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, pro-Science, pro-Free Will, anti-blaming-the-victim, and for down-to-earth, classical optimism, and happiness. Read his blog on how he attempts to bridge any tensions between those ideas or fields. * He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (https://diethylstilbestrol.co.uk/studies/des-and-psychological-health/), born in 1953 to his parents who were Dutch-Jewish Holocaust survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork. He grew up a humble listener. It took him decades to become a speaker too, and decades more to admit to being a genius. But his humility was his to keep. And so was his honesty. Bullies and con artists almost instantaneously envy and hate him. He hopes to bring new things and not just preach to the choir. * He holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam) – is half a doctor. He practices Re-evaluation Co-counseling since 1977, is not an official teacher anymore, and became a friendly, powerful therapist. He became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he was active in hasbara to the Dutch-speaking public. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having an original peek outside of your cultural bubble. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me.
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