Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews

Gay parents are the best parents!

Not many people have a difficulty admitting that in general mothers are better parents than fathers. While it’s not a competition (and often, two parents may complete each other), many have noticed that fathers may be important but who could grow up without a mother? (I’m not trashing fathers, being one myself and not even denying that many times a father may be as good or even better than the mother. Still, on average, my idea stands, I think.)

To mind comes this spooky cure-the-gay publicist who wanted to prove that a mixed-sex pair of parents must be the best. To his chagrin he found that the single women in his study had been better parents. His “explanation”? They had used better sperm as sperm banks select. This is so laughable that we can conclude that the old norms need to die.

Science has shown (and I’m sure many of us have found) that homosexuals overall simply have more empathy than heterosexuals; more empathy with men, women, children and with animals). Is there anything more important in parenting than empathy? However, when it comes to homosexual and heterosexual parents, for many people the former still need to justify and prove themselves. No need. Homosexual parents are the best!

Half a dozen reports have appeared in the last 24 hours about the Israeli government wanting to continue the baseless, heartless and cruel discrimination of homosexual adoptive parents, though I found the TOI reporting the best.

Hold on to your seats

I want to add an argument to the discussion about gay adoptions and parenting in general, that I haven’t seen anywhere yet. Hold on to your seats – it might be hard to admit – and to deny.

Let me first say that there is nothing wrong with being heterosexual, a man, white, a Gentile or a member of any other privileged group. Being over-privileged however, comes with a responsibility to help promote and spread fairness and equality.

Here’s my argument for gay parenting. Gay parents typically inflict less incest. GLBTQ people still have many open and covert enemies. Even one case of same-sex family sexual abuse of children would create a world-wide storm, but such reports are almost non-existent (I found one that is clearly bogus). Every psychotherapist knows that sexual violence inside families, especially targeting children, is rampant (only not in your family). We can simply and safely conclude that homosexuals are the best-protecting parents by far!

In case you do not like to read that gay parents on average are better, may I only ask if you have the same problem with a claim that mothers generally are the better parents?

Not only are homosexual parents not more suspect to molest (still a popular Israeli prejudice), not only are they equally capable – they are better.

Withholding adoption options (and teaching jobs) from them is cruel and stupid. And to do this to Jewish gay men (most lesbians do not need adoptions) is even more nasty, given the importance in Judaism of being a link in the chain of generations. Yet no heterosexual can claim: What can we do – we do not have enough empathy to feel for them. Millions of straight allies are showing already that gay oppression can be opposed by them successfully and in great numbers.

About the Author
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (, born in 1953 to two Dutch survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork, and holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam). He taught Re-evaluation Co-counseling, became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His most influential teachers (chronologically) are: his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach and lehavdiel bein chayim lechayim: Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff and Rav Meir Lubin. * Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years he wrote hasbara for the Dutch public. His fields of attention now are varied: Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (statistics), Politics (Israel, the US and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight Truth), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, GLBTQAI, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), Ecology and Veganism. Sometimes he's misunderstood because he has such a wide vision that never fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what many love about him. Many of his posts relate to affairs from the news or the Torah Portion of the Week or are new insights that suddenly befell him. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, reassure the doubters but make the self-assured doubt more. He strives to bring a fresh perspective rather than bore you with the obvious. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds must be disputed. In short, his main political positions are: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, democracy, anti the fake peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, Science, Free Will, anti blaming-the-victim and for down-to-earth optimism. Read his blog how he attempts to bridge any discrepancies. He admits sometimes exaggerating to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quit a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. November 13, 2018, he published his 500st blog post with the ToI. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having a peek outside of your cultural bubble. * NEW: To see other blog posts by him, his overspill blog you can reach by clicking on the Website icon next to his picture at the head of every post. There you may find precursors to later TOI blog posts, addition or corrections of published TOI blog posts, blog posts the TOI will not carry and some thoughts that are too short to be a TOI blog post. Also, the TOI only allows for one blog post per blogger per 24 hours. Sometimes, he has more to say than that. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me.
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