Getting Cancer Shattered My Illusion That I Was Special

I never thought I would get cancer.  Actually, more accurately, I never gave it a single thought.

Even as I passed into middle age, I felt invincible and never considered I could get cancer.  When cancer public-service campaigns were run in America, it always felt like something sad and something I really could not relate to.

Then, in early 2025, when I got my regular PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen) blood test, my doctor found – in less than a year — my PSA score had risen from 2.15 to 3.87, an 80 percent spike in a relatively short time.  (A score of 4 or more, or a dramatic increase as I had, is when medical professionals start to suspect a problem.)  In addition, the physical exam showed a growth on my prostate.

I had been in excellent health – a good thing, but not necessarily something that would stop a rising PSA score – but the 20 months prior to my diagnosis — had been an incredibly stressful time for me.  And we know stress can dramatically impact health.

(Research on the ability of stress to dramatically strengthen prostate cancer cells and prostate cancer growth is robust.  Studies have shown that “chronic activation of stress systems can help prostate cancer cells survive, grow and spread and may contribute to resistance to treatments.”)

My doctor informed me I had a very aggressive tumor on my prostate (thus the dramatic and quick rise in my PSA score) and I was now one of the millions across the globe dealing with cancer.

At times like these, it can be helpful to look to Judaism for wisdom and comfort.  But I failed at that.  All I could think about was my wife and my two young daughters and how I might not be able to grow old and love them, care for them and share in their lives.

I realized, when it came to cancer, I was not so special after all.  It’s incredibly arrogant to think one will never face cancer.  But my arrogance – something I admitted every year while repeating the Al Chet confession during the High Holidays — was quickly erased with my diagnosis.

Had I looked, and how I wish I had, I would have found some very interesting insights from Judaism.  Some helpful topics that are much discussed in Judaism include:

1) Illness is NOT a divine punishment.  (Talmud, Midrash, The Book of Job)

2) G-d is present with those who are ill.  (Talmud)

3) Sickness can be an opportunity for reflection about one’s life.  (Talmud, Midrash, Maimonides)

4) It’s ok to feel anger, fear and sadness when facing illness.  (Bible, Talmud, Midrash)

5) Every moment of life is sacred.  (Torah, Mishna, Talmud)

After the diagnosis, I started learning everything I could about prostate cancer.  I talked to numerous people and quickly figured out that just about everyone you speak to has an opinion on how the cancer should be treated.  I consulted doctors, nurses and others who had experienced prostate cancer treatment.  I read, used AI to scour the Internet for accurate information and gathered knowledge – some useful, some not – that started to lead me toward a treatment decision.

I had an MRI and a biopsy to confirm the diagnosis and set a plan of action for radical prostate surgery – which means I was choosing to have the cancerous gland – the prostate – completely removed.  The hope was that, without a cancerous prostate, I would have no more cancer cells in my body left to grow and spread.

The strange thing is – and I credit my late father who was always level-headed during a crisis – I was never scared or overly nervous.  It’s almost like I didn’t take it seriously.  But, of course, I did.  I just didn’t let the prostate cancer consume me.  I had a wife to adore, I had two daughters to nurture and parent and I had a life to live.  That may sound trite; but that was what I thought about at the time.

(I am not an evangelist about too many things.  But I do have to “shout” that men — some starting as early as age 45, depending on risk factors — have absolutely no reason not to get periodic PSA blood tests and physical exams.  The blood tests are a breeze and a physical exam, while slightly uncomfortable, is a small price to pay for the knowledge you gain.  It can literally save your life.)

My most recent PSA score was .002.  That means that it’s very likely my cancer is gone.  “Likely” meaning I have to still get periodic PSA blood tests.  Also, I still suffer with the inconvenient side effects of the surgery.   But that pales in comparison to what I have now.  I am currently cancer-free, healthy and I am there for my family.  I treasure hugs from my children even more and I have hope and a belief that I will live to a ripe old age.  And just as important, I gave up on the idea that I am special when it comes to cancer.

And if something else gets in my way, I have a “sickness itinerary” I know how to follow.  There are no guarantees it will work.  But there are no guarantees it won’t work either.

Life threw me a curveball.  I caught it and I am thrilled.  It could have been much worse.

Like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, every day I try to remind myself, “To life, to life, l’chaim!”