In the wake of last week’s congressional hearing on anti-Semitism, multiple Hamas leaders took time out of their day to congratulate and reiterate their respect for the university presidents who testified.
A teary eyed Mohammed Deif swelled with pride, “Here, I thought it would be years before educational leaders would be able to publicly prevaricate on the topic of eradicating Jews, but the Ivy League is just so far ahead of its time.”
He continued, “To ruthlessly execute cancel culture in every facet of campus life, but then suddenly cling to freedom-of-speech ideals when it comes to genocide against the Jewish people. It was like a scene out of—well—our playbook. I am truly kvelling.”
A leader preferring to remain anonymous and to be referred to by his Fortnite name “YahDaddy88,” echoed the sentiments of his colleagues: “I just feel so seen.”
Hamas Chairman Saleh al-Arouri proudly referred to the free-speech collaborative that he and the Penn-Harvard/Hamas-Divestment (PHd) group developed during COVID on college campuses. “We provide virtual and in-person learning modules for faculty members in order to train them on how to free their Ivy League caliphates from wrong opinions.”
Saleh was also a key player in supervising the literature that went out on what constitutes “hate speech.” He expressed his gratitude towards his collaborative partners. “The campuses have always warmly welcomed our freedom-fighter representatives and made us feel so safe.”
Supreme Leader Ismail Haniyeh was not as impressed, and felt that university presidents should have been more firm in their commitments to genocide at the hearing. He has since been recognized as a much stronger leader by UPenn and invited to step up in place of former president Liz Magill. 1
Multiple faculty at Penn and Harvard are also excited about their next collaborative project—Study Abroad: Gaza Edition.
One Harvard faculty member spoke enthusiastically of student involvement in the project. “As a family of inquirers, we pride ourselves on providing our students with exposure to many voices, from the river to the sea. The work we do is sacred.”
Mohammed Deif said of the project, “We can’t wait to get our prehistoric little barbarians together with their adolescent campus warrior idiots and they can all play freedom-fighter dress-up together in the caves.”
If you or someone you know are interested in this invigorating once-in-a-lifetime-and-definitely -never-again experience, please visit www.fromtheivyleaguetothesea.org