Rebecca Ramo-Cofino

Hamas to pull funding from Ivy League after academic integrity violations (Satire)

Just days after Harvard president, Claudine Gay, was accused of numerous accounts of plagiarism, many entities, including Islamist terror group Hamas, expressed their disappointment.  

“I was actually quite shocked. Granted, we intentionally misrepresent documents all the time; we at least acknowledge those documents. We are not claiming that our 1988 charter calling for the annihilation of Jews is at all original. Plagiarism is a line we do not cross.”

 -Mohammaed Deif

The highly classified Harvard Corporation appointed a panel of scholars of its own choosing to “independently” evaluate Claudine Gay’s academic work and found that no plagiarism had occurred, only “duplicative language.”  Per the New York Times, “the inquiry into Dr. Gay’s work was not handled by the research integrity office of the Faculty of Arts and Sciences, which would normally investigate plagiarism charges against a member of that faculty. 1

“It was a shame—really a shame. And after we invested so much in the Ivy League.  I’m not sure that this group of schools can be part of our bases of operation anymore.  —YaDaddy88

“Duplicative language??” I’m starting to wonder if the West is something I really want to take over at this point. Our “useful idiots” aren’t so useful anymore.  I thought idiocy had a boundary.  I’ve been reading a number of self-help posts from the “Aware Wolf” on Facebook and I’ve learned that if something costs me my peace, it’s too expensive.”  –Khaled Mashal

“While we applaud Claudine and her colleagues’ unwavering commitment to ignoring blatant anti-Semitism, academic dishonesty is something we cannot tolerate.  Like that Jew who pulled funding from the business school, we’re pulling our funding from the Political Science department at Harvard.  -Ismael Haniyeh

About the Author
Rebecca Ramo-Cofino is a satirist, singer, special education teacher, and amateur violinist. She currently is the head of a special education department in Denver Public Schools. Her unique voice is informed by her extensive experience in education, as well as her involvement in many different types of Jewish communities.
Related Topics
Related Posts