‘Hannukah on Rye’ Through the Lens of a Mediator

This blog contains spoilers for the Hallmark movie, “Hannukah on Rye.” 

Given today is Christmas Eve and tomorrow is Christmas Day, I focus this week on a light-hearted movie since many Jew’s favorite Christmas tradition is a movie and Chinese food. I explore, in my opinion, the first Hallmark Hannukah movie that doesn’t include the typical offensive stereotypes and is pure joy throughout with just the right amount of cringy moments and bubbie guilt.

At its heart, Hannukah on Rye is a story about tradition, love, and the often-complicated tapestry of family history. Viewing the movie through the lens of a mediator, I was struck by how the protagonists’ struggles with uncovering and reconciling hidden family pasts mirror challenges many of us face in our own relationships. In Hanukkah on Rye, the protagonists are brought together through a very traditional matchmaking service in New Your City and the potential rivalry of their family-owned delis. Yet, beneath the charm of budding romance and latke recipe(s) lies a deeper narrative: the stories families tell—and, just as importantly, the stories they withhold.

As a mediator, I see time and again how unspoken histories (whether family or not) shape relationships and cause conflict. In mediation sessions, unresolved tensions often stem from parties not sharing important information either with each other, their partners, or their lawyers. These gaps can become barriers to understanding, leaving individuals to fill the silence with assumptions, resentment, or misunderstandings.

Breaking the Silence

In the film, we see how the characters grapple with these silences. One family has cherished its deli’s legacy for generations but the matriarch has kept certain aspects of their history tucked away, leaving the past in the past and focusing more on the future (until of course it was time to open a deli “where it all began”). The other family embraces tradition, but struggles with the weight of maintaining it in a rapidly changing world.

This dynamic resonates deeply in mediation. When parties uncover hidden truths, whether through conversations, hidden documents, or long-overdue admissions, there is often a mix of relief, sadness, and opportunity. Relief in finally naming the unspoken. Sadness for the time lost. And opportunity for reconnection, healing, and resolution.

Internal Struggles, External Impact

The movie also highlights how internal struggles with family identity affect external relationships. Both protagonists carry the weight of their respective family’s expectations, traditions, and unspoken rules. In my work, I’ve observed how these burdens can impact decision-making, communication, and the ability to build authentic connections.

Consider the challenge of reconciling personal desires with familial obligations—a common theme in Hanukkah on Rye. For many, this tension mirrors the dual loyalty of honoring family history while forging a unique path forward. In mediation, these moments often reveal how deeply intertwined our sense of self is with the familial narratives we inherit.

Lessons from “Hanukkah on Rye”

As the menorah’s candles remind us, light grows brighter when shared. Hanukkah on Rye offers a poignant reminder that bringing family history into the open can illuminate paths to connection, understanding, and on some occasions, ability to build beautiful relationships. For those navigating similar struggles, consider these takeaways:

1. Initiate Courageous Conversations: Whether it’s asking a grandparent about their past or addressing a long-standing family conflict, the first step is often the hardest but most transformative. Open the dialogue.
2. Acknowledge the Pain and Joy of History: Family stories are rarely simple. Embrace the complexities and allow space for all emotions that arise.
3. Seek Mediation When Needed: If navigating these conversations feels overwhelming, a neutral third party can help facilitate understanding and ensure everyone feels heard. Little did the families in Hannukah on Rye know, they had a “mediator” of sorts in the matchmaker, who somehow knew of the deeper family connection between the two protagonists (the reality of which is for another time).
4. Reimagine Tradition: Like the characters in the movie, find ways to honor the past while adapting to the present. Tradition thrives when it’s both respected and reimagined. I, like many others, struggle with this as a Jew.  It has taken years to ensure that I’m honoring the Jewish traditions, along with the personal traditions of my grandparents and parents, while also creating my own with my wife and child.

Hanukkah on Rye reminds us that while family histories can be complex, they are also the threads that weave us together. As we light the candles this season, may we find the courage to uncover, share, and celebrate our stories—ensuring they illuminate our relationships for generations to come.

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Each week, Ari Sliffman, a Jewish legal mediator in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania will discuss the week’s Parshah “through the lens of a mediator.”  Ari will focus on one or two sections of the Parshah and discuss how a mediator could have assisted with the relevant conflict.