Hapless but not app-less

I looked for the handle to flush the toilet; it used to be such a simple matter. But the wall was smooth and featureless. I felt a slight tremor in my hand. I looked down, could this be the start of some unpleasant disease? But no, it was my Smartphone offering me the Toilet Flush App. I quickly scrolled through the options; Long Flush, Short Flush, Flush and Repeat. The Short Flush was marked as the Recommended Option, so I chose Long Flush just to show who is in charge. I could have sworn that my Smartphone gave a long sigh of frustration.

Finished with the flushing I turned my attention to leaving the toilet. The door had no obvious lock, only a small keypad. My hand trembled again. This time my Smartphone offered me an OTP with a stern warning not to share it with anybody.  A few weeks ago I would have been completely flummoxed but, by chance, I had been offered an OTP by another app and had got my younger grandson to translate for me. I still wasn’t sure why I couldn’t share my One Time Password, surely the essence of one-time is that it would only work once. After that, I could shout it from the rooftops, it wouldn’t work again. But ours is not to reason why, so I tapped my OTP into the keypad and the door swung open.

I dressed and started towards the stairs. My Smart phone went crazy; Clean Teeth, Clean Teeth. I didn’t have time for that but found the door to the stairs firmly locked. I returned to the bathroom and took my toothbrush. My Smartphone counted down for me – 25 strokes bottom teeth. 25 strokes upper teeth, a little slower ….

By now, I needed my breakfast. The fridge, of course, can only be opened with the Breakfast App. I don’t need an OTP for this, I have my password, ‘grubsup’, firmly in my memory, that’s the one in my head not in the Smartphone. I quickly opened the App but it’s ten minutes too early. I was given a mild warning that I must wait. Last week I was nearly 20 minutes early and was given a severe dressing down with the threat that my favorite blackberry jam would be replaced by that awful strawberry stuff.

While waiting for my Smartphone to allow me to have breakfast, I decided to take the dog for a walk. I opened the WoofWoof App and found my virtual dog wagging its virtual tail in anticipation. Good dog, I said, although he couldn’t hear me, I had taken the cheaper version of the app, without sound. From WoofWoof’s menu I selected a one hour beach walk and left them to it. I would get a notification when the App had finished and the dog was back in its virtual kennel.

I woke from my dream with a start and looked at the clock on the wall; nearly 9 o’clock. How could that be? I had set the WakeMeUp app for seven thirty. I picked up my Smartphone – the fading screen was crying for help; Charge Battery, Charge Battery. If it couldn’t help itself, I thought, how could it help me? Next time I will wind up my old clockwork alarm, that would be the Smart thing to do.