Healing a nation divided: Four steps for Israeli unity

Unpopular opinion: I believe we truly need one another in order for our country to thrive. A strong right-wing maintains an unwavering commitment to the Jewish national consciousness and asserting our inherent belongingness to this land. A strong left-wing maintains our striving to be part of the family of nations, striving for economic prosperity, movement toward modernity, and maintaining a vision of peace. A strong Haredi sector anchors Israeli society to traditional Jewish observance and maintans a culture of communal support and giving. A strong religious-Zionist sector maintains the bridge between right and left, religious and secular. And without a strong Arab sector with full equality, we cannot truly consider ourselves a tolerant society or ever fulfill our responsibility to be a light unto the nations.

Some of us, reading the above, may bristle with discomfort for one reason or another. Some may simply disagree. And some may agree. Either way, it may be time to start considering the positive roles we can play for one another and how we can come together, especially considering recent polls suggesting that Israelis see our internal divisions as the greatest existential threat we face. The greatest existential threat – greater than Hamas, Hezbollah, Iran, and the Houthis. 

Anyone remotely familiar with Jewish history knows we have defeated external enemies before. Internal divisions are another story. In exile we can afford to be divided, there is enough space for us to live separately and in the absence of self-determination, there is no need to be unified. In our own land, it is a different story altogether. We have only recently begun to recover from the 1,900-year exile that resulted from our internal divisions. 

Our national story testifies to the fragility of unity. We held it together as freed slaves in the desert only to fracture into tribalism upon arrival to the land. We united under King Saul only to fracture again three generations later after the death of Solomon. We united again upon our return to the land and splintered into various sects and factions later on. In 1948, we unified again as a broken and shattered remnant to ensure our survival, but as have we slowly prospered in the ensuing decades we are once again witness to the re-emergence of our division. This is a very old issue, long swept under the rug. Either we face it head-on and resolve it now or we will be consumed by it.  

But how do we heal society from a wound so deep, so fundamental? How do we go about doing the unprecedented: creating a lasting framework for internal cohesion?

We have no leader wise enough to know the answer and charismatic enough to lead us all to it. I certainly do not have any answers either, yet I’d like to humbly offer four ideas as food for thought. I’ve spent some years as a psychologist helping people heal relationships and bridge gaps. Perhaps some of these principles can be helpfully applied to us all as a society:

1) Every set of beliefs is understandable. 

At first glance, this sounds simple. But in practice, we rarely approach opposing beliefs this way. Instead, when we encounter an opposing opinion we’re likely to look at it through the lens of our own experiences, assumptions and values. We are generally blind to the legitimacy of other perspectives and quickly dismiss them.

Here’s what’s important to keep in mind: there is a reason why we develop the beliefs we hold while others hold different beliefs.  All our beliefs are based on our own experiences, learning, and values. When we can allow ourselves the time to understand why the world looks different through the lens of someone else’s experience, we are able to decrease antagonism and increase empathy. 

To be sure, people are often afraid that expressing understanding of the other side will be seen as agreeing with the other side. This is a mistake. We must understand other perspectives without letting go of our own values. Once we recognize this, we can move to the next step: identifying the fears that underpin them

2) Identify the fear

Encountering an opposing value system can elicit strong reactions based on deep, existential fears. For example, someone on the political right may fear that those on the left will make decisions that weaken the national ethos. Meanwhile, those on the left may fear that right-wing policies will change the national culture in a way that violates their values. Both sides might fear that the policies of the other will endanger lives. Charedim might worry that their way of life and values will be eroded.  Unaddressed fears lead to assumptions and misunderstandings which can devolve into disgust and hate, deepening rifts that make reconciliation seem impossible. But when we actively seek to understand where each side’s fears come from, the bridge to empathy and unity begins to build itself.

That said, it is all too easy to be dismissive of the other side’s fear. We may see it as invalid or unrealistic, nevertheless, creating unity means that it is important to make an effort to be mindful and to understand why our position might elicit such strong reactions from others. 

3) Living together isn’t easy

We won’t always agree, and that’s OK. Unity is not about agreeing, it’s about how we manage to live together when we disagree. And the hard truth is that this is where compromise becomes critical to survival. True unity requires the painful acceptance that no one gets everything they want. In any relationship where unity is critical – whether in a marriage, a parent-child dynamic, or a sibling relationship – compromise is essential. The same holds true for society. The real work begins when it requires us to give up something we want for the greater good.

For one side to make feel-good statements about unity while unilaterally making decisions is just the tyranny of the majority. And for one side to completely sacrifice its values for the sake of staying together is unrealistic and ineffective. All sides need to hold onto their values, balancing them with sometimes letting go in the name of the value of unity. We must respect the values of the other, values we do not necessarily agree with, if we want others to respect our values. 

4. Nothing changes unless you change.

Building a more unified society isn’t work to be done by “them” or by anyone other than our individual selves, within our own experience and our own social circle. The idea that “people need to do X, Y, and Z” in order to change society means that we are one of those people. Each of us needs to be able and willing to change the way we think and speak in order to create lasting societal change. Specifically, we need to refrain from speaking about other groups in ways that are disparaging, judgmental, and demeaning. Even small changes in how we communicate and approach one another can ripple outward, affecting the people we interact with daily and creating broader social impact over time.

That said, there are two major obstacles to the above. One is seeing our individual selves as insignificant in the larger picture. This is inaccurate. Every individual is significant. If you have friends, family, acquaintances, or co-workers, you have some degree of influence. 

The other obstacles is only being willing to change if “the other side” changes. This perspective can often come from not wanting to be a “fried” – a sucker – and it is a mistake. We each need to take responsibility for ourselves, and only ourselves.

We are a nation that has already accomplished the extraordinary. We’ve built a country from ashes, revived an ancient language, and brought life to a desert. But true unity is more than shared pride in survival. It’s a daily commitment to understanding each other, even when it’s uncomfortable, to compromise in the name of something greater, and to finding a shared vision to carry forward.

Unity doesn’t mean erasing our differences; it’s about recognizing the strength we gain from one another, and making the choice, day by day, to respect one another’s values. This is the inner work required to thrive as one people. We’ve shown what we can achieve in times of crisis – now, let’s show what we’re capable of in times of choice. Israel’s future depends on us, together, beginning with the changes we are willing to make within ourselves.