Hebronium

Itamar Ben Gvir is an embarrassingly, cowardly, coarse, crude, buffoonish blob of organic matter with 4 eyes. But it may not be entirely his fault or doing. The reference to glasses is for identification purposes only. The organic material is clearly not brain tissue, more like the fascia similar to the body’s southernmost ring muscle.

The new government along with the other important tasks on its agenda should conduct a serious, scientific investigation specifically in the Hebron area to determine whether there’s a gas seeping out of the ground or if there are radioactive elements in the rocks  and/or aquifer that effects the brains of all the inhabitants of the area, and could be a possible explanation that for so many years there is so much stupid in one place.

Anthropologically, we have historical and anecdotal information that unfortunately supports the legitimacy of the question. Many cultures have their butts who bear the brunts of the jokes; Chelm, a real town in Poland, is described as a funny place full of silly people.  It is a well-known insider’s joke among the Arabs of the area, especially in Jerusalem that you can always tell when someone is from Hebron because people from Hebron have heads as big as watermelons, as if at first to say ‘smart, with space for knowledge’, and then the punchline; but just like melons, only full of water. Hebron is not a fun place, and all the people there are definitely too well-armed to be considered silly. Examples of idiocy to certifiable insanity from the area can’t be denied and mustn’t be ignored; Ben Gvir is the current Dope of the Month.

Ben Gvir, like his mentor, Meir Kahane is an opportunist looking for a cause to sell his fanatical show. Kahane founded the Jewish Defense League in response to incidents of antisemitism in the NYC schools and in the city in general. He found the hook; it was liberating for many not to be a nice Jewish boy anymore; nunchucks next to a tract of Baba Kama in the briefcase. There was even an elite force who called themselves the Chaya (Animal) Squad. If the Jews in Israel can make their neighbors fear them, why can’t the Jews of NY do the same?

Ben Gvir claims to have discovered that there are Muslims who don’t like the Jews, Wallah!  Also that there are Jews who don’t like Jews, double Wallah; but we’re OK now, he’s on the job.

The antisemitism in the NYC school system subsided, perhaps in part to the JDL, probably mostly due to an increased police presence in the public schools because of all the drugs around and just moving on. Kahane then jumped on the already moving train headed for Moscow, freedom for Soviet Jewry. Along the way, he lost it, forgot, abandoned the reason for the journey, and it became Kahane’s train. In Israel, Kahane was a misfire, a ‘wanna be’ seen having solo conversations years before cellphones and ear pods. His end was undeserved and unsurprising. At first there was charisma, even some benefits and achievements, but all was lost to the megalomania. Sound familiar Bibi?

The infamous likely examples of significant gas leaks in recent public history go back just over 100 years, my personal experiences only about 35 years. Having done more than one stint of miluim in Hebron as a combat medic, during quiet and not so quiet times, my thinking is that it could very well be a toxic gas, Hebronium.

When inhaled with the thin air of Hebron’s 1,000+/- meter elevation, Hebronium causes at first brain pause and apparently with prolonged exposure people lose all sense of restraint and the ability for rational thinking.

As expected with a gas, people are affected in different ways depending on their size and weight, the heavier you are, the more gas is stored in the body, genetic, personal tolerance or preponderance, duration of exposure and saturation levels at your location; likewise, very indicative for gas poisoning; leaving Hebron asap is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.

Hebron is the site of one of my serious regrets in life. In addition to Ben Gvir bashing, which is perhaps almost too easy, these few lines are also to try to atone for not doing the right thing many years ago.

It was about 06:00am in Hebron in the winter, cold. The Arab farmers from the area were trying to bring their produce to the market, but the Jewish residents of Bet Hadassah were blocking their way; there had been a stabbing of a Jew by a Muslim and the market had been closed for 2 days. I saw an old VW minivan loaded with huge cabbages beyond any reasonable safety, the bald tires pressed flat from the weight, being stopped by a few Jewish women on the road. I came first to the van and driver and saw that he had already put the gear in Park and the handbrake was engaged, I asked him to turn off the motor, which he did. Then I had one of those jaw dropping moments when I saw that one of the women was pushing a baby carriage with a baby on the mattress flush against the front of the van. I told her to move the baby away from the front of the truck or I would. She called me a Nazi but didn’t move. When she saw me come towards the carriage, she called me Nazi again and took the baby down the road.

How could I on behalf of the helpless infant not swear out a criminal complaint against the woman for endangering the welfare of a minor? The Nazi part bothered me a bit, being the child of two well scarred Holocaust Survivors but I had become accustomed to Jews calling me Nazi when I was in uniform. I had been a policeman in Jerusalem; the ultra-orthodox very often invoked this demon. I didn’t go to the police, there was already a lot of tension between the Jewish inhabitants and the army; and a police complaint on the second day of a 10 day miluim tour would have been asking for trouble for the whole unit. It was saddening, frightening to see a mother, a Jewish Mother use her child as a weapon and even somewhat of a shield, the order was: truck-baby-mother; if the brakes fail, the baby gets it first. Would a rational person, a mother, use her baby as a roadblock or could it be Matriarch Madness, Hebronimania. It was clear that there was no difference between her and the Arab mother she derides who tells the reporter how proud she is of her ‘shaheed’ offspring. The Arab mother may be a Hebronium sodden virulent enemy and is truly proud of her ‘shaheed’ or she may not be her own person in this thing. Eema Hadassah full of Hebronium herself, I hope still has more choice, even in the religious zealot community. It’s a mean and irresponsible lack of thought, in essence, the worst kind of copycat, a direct line of thinking, if you can call it that, to Ben Gvir. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t baby Itamar in the carriage, and I do very belatedly apologize to the child that I didn’t snatch it away (from the crazy bitch) and go to the Authorities.

Superstition, fanaticism and violence were, are, and probably will continue to be the way of life in Hebron. The original fortress structure, built by Herod, 2,000+ years ago supposedly sits atop the Cave of the Machpela purchased as a family plot by Abraham housing what are purported to be the Tombs of the Patriarchs and Matriarchs.

At one corner of the structure, there is a stone staircase going up the side of the building. Counting from the bottom, the seventh step and the adjacent wall are Holy to Jews because pre ‘67 it was the highest level the Wakf allowed the Jews to climb to and in an imaginary straight line through meters of stone blocks, the closest point to one of the Matriarch’s Tombs. The stone stair and wall are more worn than any other sections from the generations of worshippers and Blessing seekers, almost only women who sat on the stone and caressed the wall. Like a very tiny Kotel, sans notes in the cracks. Sounds pretty Nuts from all sides to me. For the last almost 60 years Jews can climb the length of the staircase and have the keys to the building that according to mythos and ethos Harav Goren took by Uzi point from the Wakf. The hardcore version is that Uzi blew the lock of the door. The building still functions as a mosque and the Wakf are still in place.

Why does Ben Gvir, surrounded by police keep going up again and again to the Temple Mount? Everyone already knows what’s there, to what end, religious or media? He should be going down, underground; in a Chelm tale, the next line would be “and he should stay there”. He’s so saturated with Hebronium by now that for him it’s academic, bad choice of words, it’s a no-brainer for him to go deep to the source of the gas. Perhaps he’s afraid of ghosts, the dark, is claustrophobic? There are only rumors and stories of one or two visitors to secret places below; who’s really buried in Abraham’s Tomb, doesn’t he want to know? Very, very old, possibly corroborating finds would be wonderful and amazing. Old, but not so old non-corroborating remains would still be great; Judean, Roman, Byzantine, Muslim, Crusader, Ottoman? Maybe King David who hasn’t been found in Jerusalem as yet, decided to be interred in his old hometown with the clan’s original Chieftains.

If there is no problem religiously being on the Temple Mount, the Holiest of sites, Ma’arat HaMachpela is a gimme. Israel knows about exploring caves and the sanctity of graves, the ancestors’ abode should be an incredible privilege, an honor to confirm to the world, wouldn’t it? If Ben Gvir is a Kohen, someone else can go down, preferably an archeologist. Maybe a robot?

Jan. 2023; the most recent, absolutely irrefutable example of rampant idiocy, violence, and “What the hell are these people about” was the call by the Mayor of Hebron to all the citizens of the city to deal with the very large stray dog population by killing by whatever means; stoning, machetes, clubs, pipes, running-over with cars, as many dogs as possible and getting paid 20 shekels a carcass. This went on for more than a day or two. “Straw Dogs” scenes, sorry.

Netanyahu, the arch villain, started the process with the $15M monthly bribe to Gaza and now Ben Gvir and his accomplice Smotrich, Netanyahu’s two red herring throw-away Hebronimaniacs may be having fluid rem cycles about what they are going to do to the Arabs, and to some Jews, but as power drunk as they are, as clever, God protect us, as they think they are, these shtarkers, with puppeteer Netanyahu at the head holding their strings only sully and disgrace Israel and legitimize Hamas, Jihad, Taliban, Erdogan, etc…

“If the Muslims can have religious political party terrorist organizations, why shouldn’t the Jews”?! If an Arab mother can sacrifice her child, why can’t a Jewish mother? Duh?

Why did Elor Azaria take it upon himself to shoot the already severely wounded terrorist lying on the ground in Hebron? Out of training and good soldiering? No! That’s not IDF training and it’s very bad soldiering. No other soldiers or officers at the scene felt the threat or need to confirm the kill. You have to be a complete imbecile to open fire without warning at such close range with your fellow soldiers standing right there at hand.

What made Baruch Goldstein forget his Hippocratic Oath? Machpela Patriarchs Syndrome?    Is he a terrorist mass murderer or a hero? No taking the 5^th here, Bet Shamai Talmud rules;  Shtika ke Hoda’ah. Silence is Admittance, Silence is Cowardice, Politics.

What are your answers please, aloud, and in public: Ben Gvir, Smotrich, Netanyahu? If anyone of the three Government Ministers answers hero, move over Iran, Israel jumps to the top of the list for states sponsoring terrorism probably including sanctions because most nations and people already consider him a murderer, there is no statute of limitations on murder but mostly because, the world would just love to do it! If anyone of the three Government Ministers answers murderer, we have another round of elections. Please, let’s do it until we get it right.

We must stop being so egocentric, selfish, and complacent, taking Israel for granted; we are accountable to the founders and to future generations for Ben Gvir, Smotrich and the criminal Netanyahu again. None of us outside Hebron, can be excused due to Hebronimania.

Disclaimers:

• I apologize to some who may be offended by the style and characterizations. It is not my intention to embarrass or insult anyone except those that I want to insult and embarrass.
• To deny that Hebron is integral to Jewish history, that Jews have no business there is the result of generations of Arab Hebronium Inhalation.
• Maybe there is no gas or radioactive material in the water, only religion in excess. Religion may be the opiate of the masses, and the masses are often asses.

Whatever the cause(s); Hebron has masses of stoned asses; some bray 5 times a day, some 3.

•  I’m not a Commie, I’m a Betari from Brooklyn.