Heterogeneous ‘Trices’
Our days and nights are filled with moments composed of diverse elements. Namely, frequently, when we feel tremendous cheer, we may well, equally, feel enormous loss.
For instance, next week, we will commemorate Shavuot. As recorded in the lyrics of the favorite Pesach Seder song, “Dayenu,” not only did G-d: take us out of Egypt, punish the Egyptians with plagues (including destroying their idols and killing their first-born), give us their wealth, split the sea for us and provide us with dry seabeds on which to make our crossing, drown the Egyptians in that water, in general, supply our needs for our forty-year journey in the desert, specifically, feed us manna in the desert, endow us with Shabbat, convey us to Har Sinai, but He, additionally, gifted us with Torah and brought us to Eretz Yisrael!
Deep inhale. BH, we have Torah. BH, we dwell in Israel. Thus, simultaneous with our customary working toward rectifying the world, we are already able to live through a form of completion. Our lives are not paradoxical; they’re complicated. Meaning, Am Yisrael benefits from an unusual shefa in combination with living with great privations. More exactly, evil still possesses living hostages as well as the holy bodies of dead Jews.
So, concurrent with staying up all night to glory in Torah, to decorating our schuls and homes with Hashem’s bountiful greenery and flowers, and, maybe to enjoying some coffee and cheesecake, we will exert ourselves to pray for our brethren and, perhaps, after the chag, will exert ourselves to petition officials to change policies. Just as we long to immerse ourselves in Torah, we yearn for our fellows’ imminent release. Even during a season of thanksgiving, we respond to the suffering of members of our extended family.
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Our “regular” days’ goings-on contain disparate qualities, too. Consider, for example, the commonplace impacts of aging. From one perspective, it’s wonderful, where true, to be settled in partnership, to possess generations of offshoots, and to have stopped worrying about external validation.
What’s more, by the time that a man or woman attains silver hair, it’s likely that he or she not only has longstanding networks but also gains from established skills. For elders, the years of free labor in exchange for experience or of poorly paying internships have long since become memories. Knowing how, when, and why to execute their talents takes the place of earlier professional uncertainty. In many cases, instead of having to chase jobs, golden agers are searched for by employers.
Nonetheless, from another perspective, senescence frequently ships physical challenges. Has v’shalom, during this span of life, cancers blossom, knees, hips and backs refuse to carry their accustomed burdens, dementia creeps in, digestive and respiratory problems take over, and weakened immune systems make folks increasingly susceptible to “common” flus and to exceptional diseases like COVID. In short, the decades most frequently associated with financial durability/work opportunities and with leisure and relaxation is also the stage of life most frequently associated with illness and death. This blend is standard.
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Personal episodes, too, can be mixed. Consider the case of a kallah, who was a widow, and of a chatan, who was a widower. The grandchildren of each constituted almost the entirety of the youth in attendance at their wedding (most of us guests were in our 60s and 70s).
On the one hand, during the dancing preceding the seudah, on the men’s side of the mechitza, there was a fire juggler. As well, Roshi Yeshivot performed seemingly countless push-ups to bring smiles to the new zug. To boot, men dressed in gargantuan suits, one as a bear and the other as a Chassid, entertained the new bride and groom. Further, on the women’s side of the divide, the kallah’s sisters were as radiant as the newlywed. Although all three women are saftas, at the festivity, they glowed and giggled like maidens.
On the other hand, whereas we know that Avraham married Keturah after Sarah died, it can be tough on adult children to see their parents wed again. In general, sons and daughters love and honor both of their progenitors. A surviving parent’s new nuptials are, among other things, a tacit, public declaration that their other, beloved ancestor has perished. Such broadcasted finality hurts.
While many of us invitees cried tears of gladness for the new couple, many of us felt, concomitantly, the profundity, i.e., the complexity of the evening for the celebrants’ children. We felt both joy and sorrow.
All in all, life contains varied rudiments. Whether holidays, health, or times of happiness, it’s reasonable to expect that multifarious particulars will color our involvements.
