Holiday Gas Masks

The emails have begun. Friends and family outside of Israel wanting to know what is going on here, am I okay, and do I think we’ll survive.

I have emailed them all back that, although this is an unusual situation, Israelis are handling it well. We all believe, even though many have chosen to panic, that we’ll get through three days of Rosh Hashanah without major incident.

They wrote back mentioning some kind of military threat from Syria and/or Iran. They wanted to know if I went to get a new gas mask. They wanted to know if my safe-room was equipped and ready for occupancy.

I want to know what we’re going to do about supermarkets being closed for an abnormal amount of time and we’re all faced with the real possibility of starving to death. Who cares about Syria and Iran when the real threat is a mere four blocks away.

People often bring and exchange gifts during Rosh Hashanah, mostly food baskets in the past. This year the gift worth giving is the Holiday Gas Mask. It is something that will truly impress your host. Evidently, gas masks are now more popular and in higher demand than the Cabbage Patch Kids ever were and/or anything new produced by Apple.

I don’t have a new gas mask and I don’t plan on getting one. The safe-room is still safe for storage and other odds and ends.

I believe this whole “immanent threat” thing is merely a diversionary tactic spawned by the government to take our minds off the fact that the Jewish New Year is lasting too long this year.

If someone wants to give me a Holiday Gas Mask, I will surely accept it with grace and say thank-you. I understand the spirit in which it was given, and a person’s generosity should never be taken for granted. After all, it’s an item hundreds of people are lining up for, so it must be of some value.

I’ll even put it on display for all to see during the holidays.

Then, I’ll store it next to the Cabbage Patch Kids, the Beanie Babies…and my iPhone 2.


About the Author
Charley Warady is an author/writer/stand-up comedian, living in Israel since 1996...and surviving.
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