How to Get Jailed for Two Years in Israel

Since the “Tzohar Law” calls for jailing rabbis and couples for up to two years if they conduct Orthodox marriages without a Chief Rabbinate license, I thought that I would recommend to the Knesset a few other reasons that people should be jailed for two years:

  1. Pushing in line or using elbows as deadly weapons
  2. Hitting people sun tanning on the beach with a matkot ball
  3. Wearing tighty whities to the beach or wearing boxers as shorts
  4. Wearing clothes meant for a Polish winter during the hot, humid Israeli summer
  5. Customer service agents who follow the customer-is-never-right policy
  6. Talking too loudly on a cell phone while riding a public bus or train
  7. Blasting loud Mizrachi music out of a BMW
  8. Any taxi driver who claims his air conditioner or meter is broken
  9. Working for parking enforcement in Tel Aviv
  10. Parking in the middle of a busy street to just run into a store for a “second”
  11. Putting a “shmor merchak” sticker on a car bumper and then tailing the person in front
  12. Beeping a horn at a pedestrian in a crosswalk
  13. Taking one last puff of a cigarette before getting into a monit sherut and then exhaling the smoke inside the vehicle
  14. People who think it is ok to call strangers motek or inquire about a stranger’s personal life, love life, or marital status
  15. Religious hypocrisy: Haredi men who tell women to move on the bus so they won’t have to sit next to them, but five minutes later are checking out porn on the corner DVD machine or Haredi men who call secular women shiksas but then ask them for charity

Don’t forget to add your suggestions below!

About the Author
Jessica Fishman moved to Israel from the US in 2003 and writes the Aliyah Survival Blog, an irreverent portrayal of life as an immigrant in Israel; Her new book, Chutzpah and High Heels: The Search for Love and Identity in the Holy Land, will be published soon