I have kept this secret for 25 years
I kept a secret from my kids for 25 years.
One that they only learned of a few weeks ago, when my oldest son got married.
In 2001, a movie scene prompted me to start a journal for my 1-year-old. The idea was to write a letter to him once a year (or more often when possible) to discuss his milestones and struggles and to convey my hopes and dreams for him.
As his wedding neared, I decided that this would be the appropriate time to share the letters with him, and perhaps to set the precedent of doing so with each of his brothers at their weddings.
A few weeks before the wedding, my husband and I did the big reveal. I explained, with the journal in front of me, that I’d been keeping this secret for 25 years and that it was time to share it.
We grabbed small snippets of time in the weeks leading to the wedding where I read the journal out loud. It included so many amazing memories: his first words; his life before we made Aliyah and the adjustment afterwards; explanations of hard times that he experienced; the names of his friends through the years and how those changed; what it felt like to be the mother of a soldier on October 7th and in the almost three years since.
It included one aspect of his life story.
And it was truly priceless.
His brothers got wind of the secret during this time. One of them called out, “Well, I’m not getting married until I’m old so that I can keep getting letters!” The others were incredibly curious about what their own journals contained, about the secrets within.
Those secrets will be shared with each of them when the time is right.
While reading the journal to my oldest, I had trouble at times keeping my composure. But I did keep it until the very last page. As I finished the journal, my husband and I both broke down crying and hugging our son.
In a speech that he gave during the wedding festivities, our son referred back to the journal. He remarked about the insight he gained about the sacrifices we made for our children’s future when we made Aliyah and about the vast cultural differences we struggled with on our Aliyah journey. He thanked us for this sacrifice, and for enabling him to marry his true love in the hills of Jerusalem and to start a family in Israel.
There were few dry eyes in the room.
This was one of the best-kept secrets of my life and one of the most valuable projects that I’ve ever undertaken. During each subsequent pregnancy, I spent time finding the perfect journal. I started each one with a note to the unborn baby, telling them how excited we were for their arrival and how many dreams we had for them.
I look forward to the day when I share each of these tucked-away journals with my sons as they become grooms.
While the art of letter writing has all but disappeared, it’s never too late to start a project of this sort. With the new year, we take an accounting of our actions and interactions in the past year and set goals for the year ahead. Starting a journal of letters, whether to your unborn baby, your teenager, your spouse, your parent or yourself, could be a powerful tool for the year ahead to reflect, express love, and show growth and change.
It has certainly proven to be a powerful tool for us as our son begins this next chapter of his life.
