I want to feel good now as an overlooked addiction

Most people have some of this sometimes, but some have this 24/7

Here are 9 aspects that display what this feeling-bad addiction looks like.

I Feel Bad All the Time

If you listen carefully, their complaint is not just about feeling bad all the time but a search for how I feel all the time! Every bad feeling must be paid attention to, and each is a disaster, an unsurmountable obstacle. The person is not in charge; the feelings are. Strangely, their feeling bad feels good. It’s familiar, it feels as being authentic, realistic, and honest.

At least in the West, there seems a conspiracy against feelings. Loads of smart people will tell you that thought is smart, and feelings are primitive, if not animalistic. Really, being in touch with one’s feelings and taking them into account is a great talent. Paying attention to bad feelings can propel your life forward, but not if you do that every day around the clock.

I Must do a Lot to Feel Good

If you listen carefully, their complaint is not only about having to make an effort to feel good but about having to make it constantly. Cigarettes, coffee, chocolate, etc. are just symptoms of the real addiction to how bad one feels. And so is the I’m-dropping-everything-right-now-to-talk-with-this-person. Every chance event that feels nice must be pursued at once.

Instant Gratification

No tolerance for feeling bad, no effort to make feeling subordinate to reaching long-term goals. Each necessary effort is an insult to their dignity and an infringement on their supposed natural right to feel good for free.

No Plans, Goals, or What to Live for

Nothing to live for. A victim of a Universe that showers them with ill feelings. Indifference to death or illness. As long as one can complain about life. They also can’t pursue what they want because there is nothing they would want, they’ll tell you. Of course, that’s not true. They complain about their life being a mess. But they can’t flip to: Then, my goal is to have a good life. It has to come to them; they can’t imagine creating it. As soon as they start, they will suddenly feel terrible and must stop.

No Commitment, no Effort

All depends on how I feel now. If I don’t feel good, my emergency job is to wallow in that and push away everything else on the program. What only counts is that I suffer, need to complain, and will have short-term relief.

My Life is a Mess

Nothing gets done. They seem lazy bums. Yet, they don’t feel lazy, but trapped in a bad world. If we’d overlook getting annoyed at them, would we feel pity for the mess they make of their lives? That is hard because it’s so obviously self-inflicted. But this is not obvious to them. Would it help to pity them? To say: Poor you; how terrible; how awful; where do you find the strength to continue to live? They seem to pity themselves a lot.

But the feel-bad addict doesn’t see an alternative—doesn’t even want to consider an alternative. Exactly like moths must fly into a flame, they must sabotage any strategy that would build them a good life.

Something Must be Wrong with the World

Seeking the mistake outside oneself is a supreme way to stay stuck. The only effort is to seek new people, environments, vibes, or communities that would set you free. There is no such thing because you create the bad feelings; the reasons you allot to them are made-up and shallow.

In truth, we are the ones who generate our bad feelings when our hope is up that someone will help us with old trauma. Bad feelings are a good sign. But they refer to past trauma, not to present reality, generally. Sometimes it comes a little from what goes on now, but the brunt is from yesteryear.

A Sign of Our Times

So many people can’t make any effort for the future. Everything has to be easy and produce success right now. Using a can opener is too much. If the can can’t be pulled open, forget it. A fruit to peel won’t be eaten. As Calvin (6-year-old) exclaimed: “30 seconds in the microwave? I don’t have that kind of time. I’m a busy man.” Still, unfortunately, this is normal and not so debilitating. But for the real 24/7 feel-bad addict, this is in the extreme.

This is a Loss of Our Human Strength

Animals are programmed to run after what feels nice and run away from what feels bad. But, humans can decide to use our Free Will and prioritize our principles and plans. To hell with the bad feelings, I’ll do what I want!

When we only do what feels nice, we’ll feel free, but we really are just a slave to our emotions. Freedom is to follow your heart, despite any mood.

Prognosis and Hope

I’m unsure if there’s hope. A solution would be to try goals and commit to them until they find a better one. Then, the ill feelings are to be overcome and not so vital. But even the idea of taking responsibility and committing produces bad feelings and is rejected. An addiction to feeling bad.

Maybe pitying them would help. Exaggerating their self-pity. “No, this is not terrible; this is unbearable. You’re not depressed; you sound like a living corpse. It’s not merely having bad luck; you seem deprived of hope or consolation. The vague hopes you cling to are ever false and mirages. Not that I don’t take you seriously; I’m acknowledging your suffering and taking that seriously—somebody should.” Would they then start crying or laughing and understand that there must be another way than just this?

About the Author

MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, previously a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He often makes his readers laugh, mad, or assume he's nuts—close to perfect blogging. He's proud that his analytical short comments are removed both from left-wing and right-wing news sites. None of his content is generated by the new bore on the block, AI. * As a frontier thinker, he sees things many don't yet. He's half a prophet. Half. Let's not exaggerate. Or not at all because he doesn't claim G^d talks to him. He gives him good ideas—that's all. MM doesn't believe that people observe and think in a vacuum. He, therefore, wanted a broad bio that readers interested can track a bit what (lack of) backgrounds, experiences, and educations contribute to his visions. * This year, he will prioritize getting his unpublished books published rather than just blog posts. Next year, he hopes to focus on activism against human extinction. To find less-recent posts on a subject XXX among his over 2000 archived ones, go to the right-top corner of a Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". One can find a second, wilder blog, to which one may subscribe too, here: https://mmvanzuiden.wordpress.com/ or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. * Like most of his readers, he believes in being friendly, respectful, and loyal. However, if you think those are his absolute top priorities, you might end up disappointed. His first loyalty is to the truth. He will try to stay within the limits of democratic and Jewish law, but he won't lie to support opinions or people when don't deserve that. (Yet, we all make honest mistakes, which is just fine and does not justify losing support.) He admits that he sometimes exaggerates to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * Sometimes he's misunderstood because his wide and diverse field of vision seldomly fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what some love about him. He has written a lot about Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (including basic statistics), Politics (Israel, the US, and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight reality), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA+, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), the Climate Crisis, Ecology and Veganism, Affairs from the news, or the Torah Portion of the Week, or new insights that suddenly befell him. * Chronologically, his most influential teachers are his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim, Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. This short list doesn't mean to disrespect others who taught him a lot or a little. One of his rabbis calls him Mr. Innovation [Ish haChidushim]. Yet, his originalities seem to root deeply in traditional Judaism, though they may grow in unexpected directions. In fact, he claims he's modernizing nothing. Rather, mainly basing himself on the basic Hebrew Torah text, he tries to rediscover classical Jewish thought almost lost in thousands of years of stifling Gentile domination and Jewish assimilation. (He pleads for a close reading of the Torah instead of going by rough assumptions of what it would probably mean and before fleeing to Commentaries.) This, in all aspects of life, but prominently in the areas of Free Will, Activism, Homosexuality for men, and Redemption. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, and disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed. He aims to bring a fresh perspective rather than harp on the obvious and familiar. When he can, he loves to write encyclopedic overviews. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds should be disputed. In short, his main political positions are among others: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, anti those who abuse democratic liberties, anti the fake ME peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, pro-Science, pro-Free Will, anti-blaming-the-victim, and for down-to-earth, classical optimism, and happiness. Read his blog on how he attempts to bridge any tensions between those ideas or fields. * He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (https://diethylstilbestrol.co.uk/studies/des-and-psychological-health/), born in 1953 to his parents who were Dutch-Jewish Holocaust survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork. He grew up a humble listener. It took him decades to become a speaker too, and decades more to admit to being a genius. But his humility was his to keep. And so was his honesty. Bullies and con artists almost instantaneously envy and hate him. He hopes to bring new things and not just preach to the choir. * He holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam) – is half a doctor. He practices Re-evaluation Co-counseling since 1977, is not an official teacher anymore, and became a friendly, powerful therapist. He became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he was active in hasbara to the Dutch-speaking public. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having an original peek outside of your cultural bubble. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me. * His newest books you may find here: https://www.amazon.com/s?i=stripbooks&rh=p_27%3AMoshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&s=relevancerank&text=Moshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&ref=dp_byline_sr_book_1