Molly Livingstone

If Israel were a Lady with New Year’s Resolutions.

If Israel were a lady with New Year’s resolutions (because New Year is based off the Christian calendar of Jesus Christ’s circumcision – snip snip – and therefore not a Jewish holiday), I believe this would be her list.

A healthier diet: Cut down on the bad fats, including terrorists, tunnels, rockets and tik-tok. All these things are part of an unhealthy lifestyle. Anger, hate and evil lead to bloating and unwanted wrinkles. Terrorists are small minded with big egos that just add calories and leave you with a bad taste in your mouth.

Positive thinking: Don’t get stuck in the woke mindset. Any good therapist or Oprah would tell you that negative mantras are ‘beliefs based on lies we tell ourselves’. A whole bunch of people chanting those beliefs based on lies because social media told them to, is bad for the soul. Know your truth and don’t let others try to convince you with their baseless words. Those that march in the streets, haven’t walked a day in your shoes. Consumerism has become confused with making change at any cost. Not focused on the quality and value, but rather the trends this season. You are not for sale and must remind yourself of your own worth.

Investment: I am a country of valor and should not be pitied with donations and sad faces, but rather should be a good investment for the future of humanity. I am a hard worker and determined. What I lack in resources, I make up for in chutzpah. This year I will focus on cutting-edge technology, life-saving medicine and sustainable innovations. I mean, I do that every year, but will do it way more this year. Nothing stops me, no matter what. I will embrace my failures until I find the solutions that matter.

Be more resourceful: Stop focusing on what others have, like Saudi Arabia with oil or the UAE with all their money, but what I have. And it isn’t just about what I have, but what I can do with it. I have always had my flaws, not enough water and too much sun, and yet I was able to take my challenges and turn them into my creations. Again, I must remind myself less is more. I will focus on food security, climate change and finding a way to afford electric cars.

Clean up: If the trash stinks, you have to take it out. And this government is what the British politely refer to as rubbish. Where are my leaders? Instead of unifying my people, you continue to divide them for your own desire. Like a pile of rotting waste, you remain in office past your due date. Expired policies, big mouths and small ideas, you have left my nation broken, with doubt, fear and pain, that no vote could ever change. Ah but this is where I plan for change. Pesach cleaning will come early this year. Like a roomba fully charged, I will find every corner, speck of dust and weird sticky stains. My floors will be so clean, yes, you could eat off them. No trash. Just shine. My home will be dirt free, renovated and with lots of natural light.

Be Kind: Sure the soldiers were delivered an absurd amount of diapers, but the act of kindness was absorbed. My people never lack when it comes to giving, chessed and paying it forward. I will not just say I want to do good, but be an example to the world. Even as I struggle with a multifront war, attacked by the progressives and insulted by the media headlines, I will dedicate myself to kindness. Be the change. Treat others like you want to be treated. Save one life and you save the world. Hold one door open and you open one more heart. Good trumps evil. Good and an iron dome. I want to listen more, so that I can embrace those living in sadness. I want to share more, to let others know they are not alone. I will donate, even when I feel my pockets are empty. And I will be kind to myself when it is wanted and not just necessary. I will try better to let go and to let you in.

Live in the moment: This year brought me to my lowest point. While they dug tunnels, we now dig graves. The darkness has fallen on my land and haunts even the most beautiful sunny days. Rays of sunshine only cast light on our melancholy. With fallen soldiers, our own flesh and blood still not with us and the global antisemitism wreaking havoc on my people everywhere, it is hard to wake up, let alone celebrate a new year. And yet, here we stand as the Jewish Peoplehood, once again in war, in hate and with our enemies still planning their next moves, and we do find our way out of bed. We dress our wounds and remember to put on pants (most days). We laugh at a joke, sit in a coffee shop and argue about the food, we hope to find love, a job, a house and even our next adventure. We have always known to live for today, because we have always understood that this could be our last. I am an older woman (although age is just a number) and wise beyond my years. I have seen it all. I wish they had swipe left two thousand years ago.

This year we will be ok. Because I have done this before. And I know it gets better.

About the Author
Larry David once said, 'I'm not an inventor. I'm an improver. I improve things that are broken.' Whether it’s improvisation, comedy sketch, or stand up, Molly Livingstone is improving life in Israel one chuckle at a time, with an honest and hilarious view of the Holy Land.