I’m claiming this badge…

I had been reading this website for a few years but was surprised when I was approved for a TOI blog. Being a confirmed rebel, naturally my first thought was “How can I get kicked out?” So I figure if this first post fails to accomplish that feat I am good to go.

A good way to start is an exposé on my most recent trauma. This occurred after getting the DNA test, which spit out this bad badge:

FTDNA screenshot screenshot

Ouch! The bonus is that I get two traumas for the price of one! For starters, am I a Jew or not, halachically speaking? I have a strong feeling the answer is no, since my mother is not a Jew. But how can I genetically be a kohen and not a Jew? I’m sure the rabbis can figure out a way to exclude those such as I from the club. Its not so unusual, really. There are large populations of J1 kohen Arabs, mostly of Bedouin origin, who are presumably descended patrilineally from Yitro, priest of Midian. Some of these Bedouin are even good Israelis, maybe those are my people.

But probably not, which leads into another trauma wrought by this spiteful DNA test. The perspicacious among you may have noticed a horrible anomaly, that only a male can be a kohen. On my FTDNA matches page for Y-DNA, most names look like Harvey, Irving or Baruch. A name like Rachel sticks out like a sore thumb. Oh the shame, the guilt, etc…

But to paraphrase a ’60 cliche, let your freak flag fly! So I decided to not pretend I wasn’t a kohen or have the shameful badge blotted out, which is what my father and his father before him did. Immigrating from the old country being a Jew and/or kohen was something to hide, and they threw themselves into decadent American freedom. That’s not for me. I am a proud Kohen, Jew, and Zionist. No groveling will be perpetrated upon these virtual pages. This stigma has gone on entirely too long, I’m claiming this Jewish thing. Its mine, God gave it to me and I got the badge to prove it!

This post is somewhat of an “outing” for me”, as I am saying things publicly here I have never said before. These DNA results are traumatic experiences for me, and there is no one to discuss them with. And even if there was, it is unknown territory. I am all alone in this place, with nary a soul except this vast bewildering blog to commune with.

I tell myself no one will read this stuff, and so the internet will never know the horrible truth. Thanks to the total anonymity of the internet tubes I am safe from any embarrassment. That is the great thing about this blog site, you are lost among the myriad of Jews who are saying stuff, all of whom have more credibility than myself. Ideally my ramblings won’t even be noticed.

Oh, and one more thing… damn the torpedoes!


About the Author
Just another epicene half-Jew heretic exiled to Santa Fe.