The Blogs: In Memory of Mrs. Miriam Elkins

בס״ד

For the elevation of the soul of Mrs. Miriam Elkins z’l – Miriam Bat Yitzchak Halevi. Wife of Rabbi Dov Elkins- co-author of Chicken Soup for the Jewish Soul and former Rabbi Emeritus of The Jewish Center of Princeton, NJ.

It hadn’t even entered my mind that I would one day be writing about our beloved friend, Mrs. Miriam Elkins, and definitely not after such a short time of knowing her.

Let’s start with what a privilege. What an overwhelming privilege to have had the opportunity to cross paths with her. What a privilege to have been the recipient of her goodness, her warmth, her compliments and her energy.

It must have been close to six months ago now, when I walked into the shul, Kehillat Chaverim in Jerusalem for the very first time. There was one face that I knew, and so we embraced, but other than that I didn’t know anyone. As I walked over to my seat, I looked to my right and my eyes met a lady wearing a white trilby hat, her hair tied back, black, thick rimmed square glasses- and “All she did” was mouth to me, in what (to me!) was a strong American accent, “What a fantastic scarf!”

Its difficult to explain, because again, it was “Just a compliment”, and my scarf is something external to me- so it surprised me that her words touched me in the way that they did. But I think that’s exactly the point. Rebetzen Miriam had a way. A way of lifting people. Of noticing people. But not just seeing them. Really seeing them. A way of making them feel comfortable, wanted, seen, heard- all in one.Full. Sweep. What a gift. What a gift to the world she was. What a gift to her husband, her children. Her grandchildren. Its so hard when The Master of All Souls takes these types of people back to Him.

When she spoke, she sort of, I don’t know – sung perhaps. There was a smoothness, a flow, a Divine breath that emanated from somewhere deeper. And we all felt that. Who can’t feel that. Who? Especially these days. When people are clutching on to authenticity, truth and people who say what they mean, and mean what they say.

I remember, a few weeks before Pesach- we spoke for a long while after the kiddush in shul (so much so that they wanted to lock up) – so we continued our conversation on the corner of Nissim Bacher and Eliyahu Salmon; during our chat, a girl walked past us- again a seemingly “small comment” left Rebezten Miriam’s lips, “I loveee your dress.” Todah – the girl answered, sort of sheepishly. But I literally saw this girls whole persona change- her shoulders lifted, her whole face lit up. Lit up. Lit up.

The midday sun started to get the better of us. We wished each other a good Shabbos, and parted ways… forever. Or for now. Yes, for now. (Another lesson here is that you never ever know when your last conversation with someone will be. So make it good.)

I can’t say I had hundreds of interactions with Miriam. I didn’t. – a smile and a short, friendly chat here and there on a shabbat morning. But it just doesn’t matter. Those encounters, what I saw Rebetzen Miriam say, how she said it, when she said it, has impacted me more than, what sometimes hundreds of encounters can do.

Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks zt’l who I miss more than words can say – once said, “We defeat death, not by living forever. But by living by values that live forever”

She was a pillar of strength, sweetness, fire and sensitivity- yet also unassuming. A rare blend. A rare blend indeed.
I was thinking about what Yoni, Miriam’s son said at the levaya, the funeral. What to take on. So Bli neder, and I want to say this in front of all of you – bezrat Hashem I’m going to take it upon myself to actively give a compliment to someone, every day.

I have a duty now to continue Miriam’s legacy. She used to thank the chayalim, insist on paying for all their drinks in the Shuk, she was bursting with gratitude, and never missed an opportunity to show them that she meant it.

I found myself waiting for her to walk through the door in Shul this past week- her empty chair. The void is real. So many members of the shul miss her deeply. And if you’re reading this, you know who you are. But she can live on in each of us. She must. She can. And she will.

Dearest friends, especially now, more than ever we are in a milchama, a war, of light vs dark. Personally, spiritually , obviously collectively – We, as the Jewish people always have been, but it seems that this darkness is thicker, wider, longer. Which means the light can be so, so much brighter. It has the potential to penetrate much deeper. Touch hearts and souls in ways we cannot even begin to imagine. And its up to you and I. If you’re still reading this, then you are a chayal/ chayalet- a solider in this war. It seemed like Rebezten Miriam’s rifle was always loaded with bullets of light. Of fire. Aimed, and ready to light someone up. We have to up our game. If you’re feeling down yourself, and you don’t have the koach, the strength to shoot the good word, the smile, the shabbat shalom, the chag sameach. Chin up friends. Chin upppp. Hold your head high like Miriam did. She’s our m’fakedet, our commander in this war. Beam that smile. Fake it ’till you make it. And aim high. You ready? Yalla. Lets light this place up.

ביחד ננצח

Wishing Dr Elkins and his children arichas yamim, and everything they need, as they journey through this mourning period for their wife/mother/mother in law- Miram Bat Yitzchak Halevi.