Indifference etc.

I thought they’d left and I could continue forgetting them. They were friends, a couple from Cairo living in the US to improve their lives. Well-educated, both with master’s degrees, they’d come to say goodbye before heading to another state, him to pursue a doctorate. I didn’t want to see them.

I had liked them a lot. They were devout: he prayed five times a day, she wore hijab and cloak outside, indoors if asked for a picture. They texted me Shana Tova greetings. I’d helped him with his writing, meeting at the local JCC. We’d had some meals together, I’d taken their wedding portrait in a park, brought gifts for two new kids. In different times I would have missed them.

It had taken me awhile to screw up the courage and ask what he thought of the Hamas attacks. I’m not political, his answer. I chattered on, polite, pointlessly. When I hung up I was done with him.

Months later I pushed myself out the door to bid goodbye, so not to be sorry I didn’t. I felt nothing, amazed at the lack. They were eager to talk, friendly as usual. He noted I hadn’t returned his calls. I mumbled a few empty words and almost asked again what he thought as he shared fears of being in school again. But the moment was gone. Maybe before, not standing beside a loaded vehicle, toddlers strapped in back, would have been the time “to talk things out.” I had a moment of regret, then soon, turning the corner back home, didn’t care.

Of course it’s not just him, her too maybe, calling Israel Palestine. Almost a year of  indifference or worse by all sorts of people I’d liked has done its job.

I’m not alone and there’s even support. I could have zoomed with an online magazine staffer (Lost any friendships since Oct. 7? We get it. Let’s talk about it.) Though I missed the session I find solace in the Facebook page and comments: It’s mostly been a silence which is not surprising but disappointing…I’ve learned that many I thought were friends and allies have proven not to be…For me it’s been a deafening silence from my left-leaning friends, many in the arts and old enough to have been part of the peacenik hippie movement…It’s a non-issue for too many. Aggravates the hell out of me….and a favorite: Even most people in the belly dance community lost a lot of friends.

I see a new group is having a session (Repairing Relationships in a Post-Oct.7th World.). I’m tempted but will skip it. I’m not interested in repairing relationships. If you can’t condemn the attacks right off, forget it. There’s not much to fix.