Is college overrated?

In a recent article, the Wall Street Journal reported that the US Government was “tightening the spigot” on federal loans. Speaking for myself as a concerned American, something simply had to be done to the coddled, privileged, and entitled youth of America, and inject them with a hard dose of reality. Even though, in the 21st century, the cost of a college education has increased 41.7% faster than inflation, someone had to step up and put an end to the madness. After all, I worked my way through college while working five jobs and taking care of my ninety-year-old grandmother. WHAT ARE THESE KIDS THINKING? How dare they aspire to live as comfortably as past generations did?

Based on current events, we need more money in our coffers to wage war.

Making it more challenging for American students to borrow money will go a long way toward financing the 50 percent increase in military spending that just occurred. I’m absolutely thrilled for those who decide our foreign policy and also work on the boards of weapons manufacturers. It’s going to be an excellent and profitable 2026 for all of them. As an added bonus, just as in the past, the children of the men behind desks who wage war will not have to fight them. That task will be assigned to the poor and downtrodden, who will return to a country that has abandoned them.

College students don’t learn marketable skills. Most college students drink more than Frank the Tank did in the movie Old School or act like Belushi in Animal House, of course, that is, when they are not protesting on campus with their Che Guevara T-shirts and MacBooks, whilst drinking Starbucks coffee. Everyone who goes to college gets degrees in gender studies and gets indoctrinated with Marxist ideology from college professors worshipping at the altar of Marcuse and Gramsci. We don’t need doctors, scientists, and engineers. We need more plumbers, right? Let the people of Europe and East Asia be at the forefront of the technical advances our world will need to survive. Only clueless elites have college degrees. We need people in America with the skills to be more ruthless and heartless to their fellow citizens on social media than ever before. 

We don’t need Americans with degrees; we need boots on the ground when we take over Venezuela and beyond. Marco Rubio said we need fewer philosophers and more welders. I just had a nuclear stress test. Sadly, neither Marco Rubio nor the welder could give it to me, so I had to see a cardiologist. FDR helped more veterans attend college than anyone. I used to idolize him, but my friend told me he was a socialist, so I stopped. I’m happy to return to the times when only the wealthy could afford a college education. There are lots of promising careers out there if Americans weren’t so lazy, jobs like delivering marijuana and food to people watching football on Sundays, cheering on millionaires, even though they themselves have no health insurance. Speaking for myself, I’ll gladly contribute my 20 dollars a month toward services the government used to pay for, including those for our veterans. As long as I can free up as much money as I can so our politicians can get their hands on it and perhaps invest in the stock market, and Nancy Pelosi has all the ice cream she needs, my life has purpose and meaning. I’m glad our government can print money whenever it needs to. Although I can’t do the same, I understand their position. We were lucky to have Elon Musk for that short but wonderful period, slashing government waste and, like a modern-day, reimagined Robin Hood, stealing money from the poor and returning it to the rich. Before Musk, all our tax dollars were spent on purchasing iPhones for welfare recipients and illegal aliens. Now, they are being sent to a safe place in the Cayman Islands.

Wasn’t it Reagan who said the government was not the solution, it was the problem?

Wow, he was smart. Market principles? They only apply to the working class, the real suckers and losers. I get a warm feeling being lectured by politicians who make 175 k a year while working 150 days a year and have excellent health insurance about Obamacare and how it must be repealed, and that US Senator Bernie Sanders is a commie. Mister, we can use a man like Herbert Hoover again, and return to a time when girls were girls, men were men, there was no need for a welfare state, and everybody pulled their weight. Personally, I don’t want my president to solve problems. I’d rather see him insult musicians and actors he doesn’t like. That’s really vital to me. Nasty tweets don’t pay my bills, but they do add levity and help families working three jobs to survive. We all need a good laugh once in a while, right?

Let’s never forget the great people we elect to represent us, the selfless public servants. I don’t mind if they fill their suit jackets with gold blocks, as long as I have the right to keep a bazooka and a flamethrower at my bedside, and have more guns in my home than a gun shop.

May God bless America. We’re a hot country, hotter than any country in the world.