David Kilimnick

JERUSALEM TOUR: Talbiyah or is it Still Rechavia

Do not worry, we are not too far away from hotels. There are hotels all around Rechavia. You will be able to find a bathroom there.

Talbiyah- The Hebrew name, Komemiyut, never took off, because then the Arabs would not claim it. Jews do not write ‘Jesus Hilfe’ on their homes, above their doorway. Nor do Americans. I do not know why they are transliterating German.
Who, with money, would ever move to a neighborhood called Komemiyut?

The Jerusalem Theater- I hope we are still in Rechavia. It might be Talbiyah. But it is still Rechavia. It is easier to remember this half of Jerusalem as Rechavia. That is how Americans and French know it, and that is how I know it. Changing the names every five blocks is too confusing for me. And then there are the Arabic names, which I cannot even read. Print should not be that complicated.
This unique Jerusalem theater has plays and concerts. What makes this Jerusalem based theater special is that they do not produce shows with local Jerusalem performers.
Outside the theater, you will notice barricades placed in a form. That is symbolic.

Lets walk up Marcus street. No, they could not build it on any more of an angle. They tried.

Salameh’s house is right there. He was not Jewish. He was Lebanese, but he found a good deal after WWI, so he purchased a lot of the land from the Greek Patriarchate (meaning Patriarchates from Greece). And thus the phrase, ‘Middle Eastern people are cheap.’ It is not just Jewish to want a good deal. It is Middle Eastern.
It was called Talbiyah. From the name, Taliban. Meaning, this is mine because I was against your country in the war. He leased his home to the Belgian Consulate, who then said, ‘This land is ours.’
Israel purchased the home, after 1948.
Look in front of you and you will see Salameh Square. Now it is known as Wingate Square, because Orde Wingate did not want Jews to die. Wingate, as the only British person who cared about innocent Jews and their right to live in Israel, trained Jewish soldiers to protect themselves in Israel. That is what happens when a country is established, they give the names to people that supported them. And then they take away the names of people who wanted them to die.
Yes. It is a square. It is really a circle. I understand it is confusing. It is a really a traffic circle.
Good question. Does Israel have the right to change the name of the square? If that person would have rather you died, then there is argument for changing the plaque.

This is the end of Marcus street and you see another consulate building, which the Arabs are not protesting, and that is owned by the church.
David Marcus (known as Mickey Marcus) volunteered to help Israel in the War of Independence, as he was not a religious (frum) Jew. The most famous Machal soldier (volunteers from outside Israel), Mickey was shot by friendly fire. Since that time, all Machal soldiers have been kept in tanks. If not in a tank, you may also find Machal soldier on clean-up duty.

Nowadays, they are not giving away streets anymore. Sorry that you wasted all of your money on that wood camel.
Another good question. No. You were not supporting Israel. You were encouraging fraud.
But you still did spend money. If you support Israel enough, the JNF may plant you a tree.

Put down your cameras. That is not the French fountain over there. That is an Ars peeing on the sidewalk.

Here you can see the famous Tabiyah Rose Garden, of Talbiyah, which is the size of my parent’s backyard in America. One person at a time. Do not enter two at a time. That is why there is a gate.

Other institutions housed in Talbiyah. Rechavia- Sorry: The President’s house, where the president does not live. This home is a replica of a never renovated house. What does the President of Israel do? Good Question. We are moving. We are moving.
The Van Leer Institute, which was established in 1959, right next to the President’s house. In its commitment to consistency, in its 55 some-odd years of its existence it has never had a person enter its doors. You will also see the original driveway pavement at the entrance, as no car has ever made its way into it. It was established by the Van Leer family, who is- contrary to popular belief- not from America.
The goal of the institution is to create ethnic understanding and to ease religious tension. As the studies have shown, the best way to make for peace is to have no interaction whatsoever. As such, the Van Leer Institute hosts weekly conferences where nobody shows up. As has been reported; there has never been a fight between nations, at the institute.
Yes. I repeat. Never seen anybody go into the place. Since my Aliyah, never seen a soul.

About the Author
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.