Jewish & Black: Educating Against Racism

Our Family Approach to Racial Acceptance & Pride 

Introduction 

In my last post, “Jewish & Black: Identity and My Children,” I explored how my early experiences with racism influenced my approach to parenting and the importance of self-acceptance. In this post, I want to focus on educating our children to be proud of who they are, appreciate the beauty in our differences, and stand up against discrimination. 

My Children Recognizing Racism 

One memory shared by my eldest daughter, Lakey, demonstrates my view that children first begin recognizing racial differences as they grow older. Lakey was the youngest girl in her overnight camp, receiving special accommodations due to our close relationship with the camp’s founder and executive director. She was only seven years old. She was sitting with her best friend, Tamar Schreiber, who has a pale complexion. One of the older girls, who must have been around ten, said, “Oh, my G-d! Lakey looks like a black marker, and Tamar looks like a highlighter!” Soon, all the older girls began lining up to compare their skin tone with Lakey’s. Ironically, Lakey is my lightest-skinned child. Regardless, Lakey was completely oblivious. It was not until years later that she processed what had happened. 

My daughter Rivka authored a paper in middle school challenging her friends and classmates for making ignorant racist comments. She asserted that they held preconceived notions of superiority learned from their parents, who believed in the validity of their perspectives. Rivka explained that as a child, she noticed no differences among people and did not comprehend racist comments.

Family Discussions on Race 

Our family now openly discusses racial topics. We take pride in our unique blessings and emphasize how beautiful our children are because of their multi-racial backgrounds. My wife has ingrained in our daughters from an early age that they have beautiful thick curly hair, to the point that our daughter with the straightest hair is envious of our girls with their magnificent curls.

We instilled in our children that they are Shluchim, emissaries of the Rebbe and his vision. In his inaugural address in 1951, the Rebbe declared: 

The primary mission of our generation is to bring about true Ahavas Yisroel, true love of our fellow Jews, and to spread the light of Torah and Mitzvot to the entire world.

In the ethos of the Rebbe, our children cannot comprehend how it is possible to influence the world around us unless we genuinely love everyone unconditionally. Our children understand that our ethnicity and embracing diversity enable us to love and accept all people. My wife, Dalia, and I strive to lead by example. Our children have met our friends from all ethnicities and areas of society. No matter who they are, they are welcome in our home and treated as our equals. 

Our daughters passionately advocate for racial diversity and inclusion, correcting inappropriate or inaccurate racial remarks. 

In seminary, my daughter Lakey gave a powerful speech titled “Path to Pride.” Standing in a Covid-safe box, surrounded by plastic barriers, she declared with pride: 

I am a Jew, I am a Chossid, I am a Shlucha. I am Hispanic, Black, Israeli, White. I can say who I am and where I come from with pride and absolute certainty, with no shame. 

Despite its grainy quality, the video went viral on Facebook, garnering thousands of views. 

I am forever proud of my children who can hold their heads high and be proud of who they are. Something that I was unable to do for many years. There is no shame in admitting that I have learned a lot from my children.  

Lessons Learned 

Most young children do not perceive racial differences. As they grow older and start recognizing these distinctions, they are highly influenced by their social surroundings and adult attitudes. Our racial and political attitudes profoundly influence youth. 

Early childhood is a time to nurture love and acceptance. The more we expose our children from infancy by having them engage and interact with children of different ethnicities, the more they will come to accept other ethnicities as ordinary and avoid judging based on skin color. The Lubavitcher Rebbe emphasized after the Crown Heights race riots that we should not constantly underline racial distinctions. Instead, we should emphasize that all people are tasked by G-d to add goodness and kindness to the world. 

I am proud of my beautiful sister Chevie Lazaroff for the example she sets. She is loving, devoted to family, and kindhearted. Chevie and her family live in a neighborhood in East Flatbush where most residents are Jamaican. Her youngest children, particularly my nephew Moshe and niece Sara, get along well with their little neighbors of similar ages and often play together in front of their homes.

For those concerned that through social interaction there is the risk of intermarriage and children being drawn away from Judaism, it is essential to recognize that these risks exist irrespective of whether we engage with our secular neighbors. Assimilation is an issue that transcends creed and race. The key to addressing this challenge is education. By discussing diversity with our children early on, we can simultaneously instill an appreciation for our religious identity and the beauty in our differences.

It is important to establish healthy boundaries that delineate the blessings of our religious observance. Racial awareness does not necessitate sleepovers with neighbors or sampling non-kosher cuisine. Instead, we can set safe boundaries while teaching the beauty in our differences. By demonstrating respect, friendliness, and genuine warmth towards neighbors of other ethnicities, we can show our children how to remain steadfast and proud of our identity, regardless of our differences. 

When we visit Brooklyn, my wife and I make it a point to greet whomever we encounter on the street, irrespective of their religious observance or ethnicity. On the Holiday of Shavuot, I was walking along the street when I said hello to an older African American woman. She greeted me warmly wishing me a ‘Good Yom Tov’ and that I should have a beautiful holiday. It was such a nice gesture! The woman then shared holiday wishes with the next Jewish woman she encountered. The Jewish woman thanked her with genuine warmth and appreciation. It is these small actions that can make a monumental difference. 

Teach them young! Teach love and unity, not hate! 

One person at a time, just as the Rebbe encouraged in a talk on the importance of education and outreach: 

When you affect a single person, you affect generations. The one whom you influence, in turn, influences others, and those influence others, and so on, spreading goodness and holiness.

As children grow older, especially as they begin to question, they must be taught racial acceptance and equality. It is not enough to only teach Jewish history and about antisemitism. We need to discuss the Civil Rights Movement and educate our youth about the harms of racism. We must be mindful of our words and teach children what comments and behaviors are racist. Ignorance is not an excuse! Our children must understand the destructive nature of ethnic racism and appreciate the contributions of all racial groups to this beautiful world, recognizing that everyone is priceless in the eyes of G-d. 

The Rebbe once said, 

G-d gave each of us a soul, which is a candle that He gives us to illuminate our surroundings with His light. We must not only illuminate the inside of homes, but also the outside, and the world at large.

By appreciating the value of all people, starting with our children, we can spread monumental change throughout the world, one person at a time! 

Conclusion 

Reflecting on my journey, I do not believe young children care about racial differences. I am concerned that as children mature, they begin to question ethnicity and absorb social influences from their parents, communities, and surroundings. Yet, I believe that understanding this has helped me guide and educate my children. I am also blessed that the challenges I faced forced me to explore my identity and helped shape my understanding of acceptance.

By embracing my Black identity and openly discussing racial topics with my family, I found a way to reconcile my experiences and foster a more inclusive environment for my children. With the help of my wife, we have also instilled a keen sense of self-pride in our children. Guided by the Lubavitcher Rebbe’s teachings and supported by my family, I have learned that our strength lies in our diversity and our shared commitment to spreading goodness and kindness.

Let us continue to educate, engage, and uplift each other, recognizing the inherent value in every individual. What are your thoughts on the importance of educating against racism? I would love to hear from you about your experiences.