Jewish Wisdom on Being Fair with Oneself
I need to better control my thinking time. Too much has been given to antisemitism and anti-Zionism, and those who espouse those ideologies. You cannot convince me that they’re not racists, haters, and closed-minded bigots. Those people don’t get to direct my thoughts unchallenged. No ceding of space, within my mind or the world, to them.
Not that I’m going to put my head in the sand and pretend the danger from them isn’t real, but I want/need to counter disgust and distrust toward them with a more productive mindset and actions of my own.
Turn back their darkness.
I will explore and share the light that can come from learning about Judaism and about being Jewish (covering the religion, peoplehood, and culture, which is already an ultra-mini-lesson on what it is to be Jewish).
Today, I’ll start with a learning from the foundational text of Mussar, or Jewish ethics, which focuses on working towards perfecting one’s character. In Mesillat Yesharim (Path of the Just), Rabbi Moses Chaim Luzzatto (writing in Amsterdam in 1738) explains each middah (character trait), how to improve in it from where you are at this moment, and what can detract from bettering oneself.
Chapter 4 focuses on the key middah of awareness/ caution/ watchfulness/ vigilance/ presence, in Hebrew זהירות (zehirut)
… A servant whose minor offenses are weighed just like major offenses, is there any remedy for him?
Certainly, the intent is not that the punishment is identical for both, for the Holy One blessed be He Only pays back measure for measure. Rather, regarding the matter of weighing of deeds, the minor deeds are put on the scales just like the grave ones. For the grave ones do not cause minor ones to be forgotten, and the Judge will not overlook these at all, just like he will not overlook the grave ones.
Rather on all of them, he will preside over and inspect equally, judging each one and meting out punishment afterwards on each and every one according to what it is. This is what Shlomo said: “For G!d will bring every deed into judgment, [with every hidden thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil]” (Kohelet 12:14).
For just like the Holy One blessed be He does not leave any good deed unrewarded, small as it may be, so too He does not leave any bad deed unjudged and unpunished, small as it may be.
Good deeds. Bad deeds. Minor deeds. Major deeds. Judgment. Punishment. Reward.
How to consider the things we do and the impact they have on how we think about ourselves. And, how we perceive we are being perceived (by G!d or those we think are actually spending their own valuable time judging us).
The above passage directs me to assess my actions—to be fair with myself—to neither be too harsh nor too flattering. While I don’t think G!d descends to punish me, my internal critic certainly fills the task: I can be excessively judgmental with myself, leading to self-inflicted condemnation which can be (has been) more damaging than helpful. Which means that honestly looking at my actions, both the big (which have a tendency to be perceived as negative) or small (which are often positive and overlooked) is necessary to keep myself balanced and moving forward with hope. The weight of what I do and how I assess it can help me in the present to be fully aware of where I am at this moment.
Glossing over the good to focus on when I disappointment myself is not to be a fair judge and don’t we all deserve to be judged fairly?
Moments that glisten in beauty should not overshadowed by disappointments and failures.
The total balance—good, bad, minor, major—should help me intuit my progress as a human being in this world, and help direct myself going forward.
So, to be aware means to be fair with oneself, and not judge more harshly than the Divine Presence would judge.
It also means that this moment and the next, when I can act on that assessment, are intrinsically joined.