Just when things start to calm down, and you think you’re fine

After the ceasefire and with the return of the living hostages home, many people find that just as things outside start to settle, things inside begin to fall apart.

That’s because for two years, our minds have been operating in “survival mode”- focused on getting through an unbearable reality, gathering strength, and coping with uncertainty. Now that things are shifting, we can finally breathe – and begin to process everything we’ve been holding inside.

Suddenly, memories, images, and emotions surface. Panic attacks appear even in people who have never experienced them, and the fatigue becomes overwhelming. This doesn’t mean something is wrong with us – it’s actually the mind’s natural response to processing and integrating trauma.

As someone who has worked for years in trauma and resilience, I see this pattern again and again: the moment when it seems like life is going back to normal is often the hardest one. In the clinic, in professional training, and in community work, I meet people who are surprised by the emotional intensity that hits them precisely now.

So how can we recognize when we, or someone close to us, might need extra support?

Here are some signs to pay attention to:

• Increased anxiety and distress – difficulty breathing, a sense of tightness or restlessness, body aches, or trouble sleeping.
• Mental overload – racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, constant negative self-talk, or repetitive thinking loops.
• Impaired daily functioning – struggling to maintain routines or motivation.
• Social withdrawal – pulling away from family, friends, or social circles.
• Feeling detached – life is happening around you, but you don’t feel part of it. It’s as if you’re watching from the sidelines, emotionally numb – neither happy nor sad.

It’s important to remember: we all have bad days. But if you recognize more than one of these signs and it lasts for several days, it’s time to share and seek professional help. That’s not weakness, it’s the healthiest way to take care of yourself.

From my experience, this is also the stage when distress is easiest to miss, because it can look “quiet.” People keep functioning, smiling, and working, but something in them changes: less presence, less energy, less connection. The mind is signaling – just without words.

As much as we learn to listen to ourselves, it’s equally important to pay attention to those around us. Often, it’s easier to notice changes in someone close – a person who seems more distant, quieter, or “not themselves.”

You don’t have to be a therapist to notice. On the contrary, sometimes a simple, human question can prevent a downward spiral. This is where the R U OK? model, led in Israel by Enosh, comes in. It’s based on one simple idea: pause, notice, and ask. One small question – “How are you?” – can open the door to a meaningful conversation. You don’t need to know what to say; just be there, listen, show genuine care, and encourage the person to reach out for help if needed.

Sometimes, those who hold everyone else together – at work, in the family, or in the community – are the ones who find it hardest to ask for help. We tend to see them as “strong,” and they feel they can’t afford to fall apart. It’s crucial to remember that even those who support others need support themselves. A kind word, a conversation, or an offer to help can be a lifeline, even for someone who seems to be “doing fine.”

In a society that has been through so much, our responsibility is not only to take care of ourselves but also of each other. Emotional recovery is a national process, not just a personal one. And it begins in these small moments – through questions, conversations, and the willingness to stay close, even when it’s hard.

Sometimes, it really does take just one conversation to make all the difference.