Laughter: The Only Effective Weapon of the Human Race

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In compelling news of the “I did not make this up” variety from the American heartland, the Michigan Advance reported that Laurie Pohutsky (rhymes with Glory Hoe-putsky), a Democratic state representative from Livonia county, announced that she has had herself surgically sterilized in order to avoid any possibility that she might become pregnant during the Trump administration.  Pohutsky explained, “Just under two weeks ago, I underwent surgery to ensure that I would never have to navigate a pregnancy in Donald Trump’s America.  I refuse to let my body be treated as currency by an administration that only sees value in my ability to procreate.  If you know people who are questioning how serious this is, I am going to repeat myself: A sitting government official opted for voluntary sterilization because she was uncertain she would be able to access contraception in the future.”

Who said that the Democrats don’t have a strong bench?  This woman has a bright future in the party and will fit right in.  She may even be the Democrat who can finally fill the large shoes of Jamaal Bowman, if she can work a fire alarm.  But the Clintons, Kennedys, and Bushes can relax; she probably won’t be starting a political dynasty.

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In a similar vein (but this time wholly imagined), a Maryland Democratic state senator has had all his teeth removed in anticipation of the anti-fluoridation policies of incoming Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.  He said, “I will not sit idly by and see dental caries proliferate as this administration wages a war against healthy teeth.”  And the Democratic National Committee has begun stockpiling both Doritos, which, it says, is sure to be the first snack food targeted by Kennedy’s MAHA Mafia, and the Moderna vaccine, which is being saved for members of the teachers’ unions.

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Mia Farrow has announced that she and a number of her Hollywood friends are exploring ways to impeach President Trump.  When it was explained to her that only the House of Representatives can commence the impeachment process, she said, “Oh.”  

Meanwhile, Representative Al Green (D-TX)  announced that he is exploring ways to impeach President Trump for the high crime and misdemeanor of threatening to remove the Palestinians from Gaza.  When he was reminded both that Trump’s threat is neither a crime nor a misdemeanor and that the Democrats no longer control the House and will be unable to adopt Articles of Impeachment, he just sat there with his mouth open, looking vacant.

He is being considered for a guest appearance on The View.  

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It was disclosed that the United States Agency for International Development paid $8,200,000 for subscriptions to the left leaning digital newspaper, Politico.  A spokesperson for USAID explained that this should not upset taxpayers since it was a good deal less than the money it spent on snack food.  A different spokesperson explained that USAID had been under the impression that Politico was a sub-Saharan foreign country requiring assistance in its DEI efforts on behalf of the transgender community.  Its star spokesman said, “We gave $100,000,000 to Hamas and you are making a fuss about our subscriptions?  Get real.”

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In a jaw-dropping response to the Trump victory, the Dallas Mavericks inexplicably traded Luka Doncic (doesn’t rhyme with anything) to the Los Angeles Lakers for Anthony Davis and a single draft pick, the single worst trade since Harris for Biden.  The Mavs General Manager explained, “It was either that or have myself and Mark Cuban sterilized.”

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Jasmine Crockett (D-TX), angling to be the next AOC (since the present AOC has succeeded in transforming her Queens district into the world’s largest open-air brothel), has announced that 80% of the nation’s serious crimes are committed by white supremacists.  And she assured a skeptical public that her statistics were reliable, because, after all, she has been elected to Congress.  Like Al Green.

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Chuck Schumer, formerly the Senate Majority Leader and thus–formerly–one of the world’s most powerful politicians, has, in recent days, (i) held hands with Maxine Waters while jumping up and down shouting “We will win” over 100 times, (ii) been told by the newest Senator, Ashley Moody (R-FL), to sit down and keep quiet during a Senate vote because he ought to know better, and (iii) killed a Senate proposal to sanction the International Criminal Court for its unlawful indictment of Benjamin Netanyahu and Yoav Gallant. If he hadn’t become  such a toad, you might even feel sorry for his tragic descent into irrelevant clownishness. Sic transit gloria mundi.

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Free Palestine.  Free Canada.  Free Greenland.  Free the Panama Canal.  Free Willy. Free love. Free lunch.  Eventually, there is a price to be paid.

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The Israel intelligentsia, which has devoted its adolescence and most of its adult life to hating and deprecating Netanyahu, is lost in the wilderness.  The self-righteous pundits who called upon Israeli reservists not to serve and American Jews to boycott Israeli government officials for their attempts to reform a judicial system that had skewed left, have lapsed into either injured silence or hostile recrimination.  Watching American politicians of almost every stripe jostle to bask in Bibi’s reflected glory, they must be wondering where they went wrong after assuring themselves and each other for years how right and righteous they were.  Vociferous proponents of a two-state solution and an ascendant left have looked into the abyss and seen their own reflection in the void.  If it weren’t so delicious, it would be pitiful.

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Speaking of Netanyahu, have you ever, ever, ever seen anyone looking quite so happy as Netanyahu at that insane press conference?

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Every once in a while, you get a glimpse of how insular we are, to the point that we have our own language within our own language.  The kashrut legend on the soup package I bought said “rak limot hashana.”  Translation:  it was certified kosher only for the days of the year.  If you are not initiated into the mysteries of our secret society, on which days might you think that the kosher certification would not apply?

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Yoav Gallant, following in the footsteps of Bougie Ya’alon, Ehud Barak, Ehud Olmert, and… who are we kidding? . . . every single Israeli general and politician who ever existed, has explained that if only the government had listened to him, Hezbollah would have been dispatched in three days, the hostages would have come home immediately, and Hamas would have converted to Judaism, opposed judicial reform, and agitated for a chareidi draft.  

It is theoretically possible that he may have political aspirations.

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Speaking of politics, and putting aside the miracle of Trump’s landslide election and the Republican sweep of Congress, it would appear that all of his choices for the cabinet will be confirmed, even the bat-___ crazy ones.  The guy accused of sexual abuse and drunkenness with no executive or administrative experience.  The lady who actually bragged about shooting her dog in a book calculated to enhance her popularity.  The putative custodian of the health of the nation who opposed vaccines and sued drug companies.  The evangelical preacher who hawked nostrums on telecommercials.  All of them.  And they are all going to do amazing, transformative jobs.  When in American history, or the history of the world, has there ever been such an assemblage of influential Gentile politicians who loved Jews and the Jewish nation?  Marco Rubio.  Pete Hegseth. Elise Stefanik.  Robert F.  Kennedy, Jr.  Mike Huckabee.  Granted that we had David Friedman, Mike Pompeo, and Nikki Haley  in Trump’s last one, but we also had Rex Tillerson, James Mattis, Mike Esper, etc.  This time around the American cabinet is likely to be quite a bit more Zionist than the Israeli cabinet.  Wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles.

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The rioting tentafadists at Cooper Union saw a bunch of Jewish students and assaulted them, threatening their lives and forcing them to remain barricaded in the library.  The students sued the University, arguing, that it had failed in its obligation to protect them.  The school’s lawyers put the onus on the Jewish students.  The US District Judge, God bless him, a Trump appointee named John Cronan, denying Cooper Union’s motion to dismiss and ordering it to face the lawsuit, responded with what appears to be genuine fury and righteous indignation:

“Pushing back, Cooper Union faults the Jewish students for ‘gather[ing] in a prominent place where they could be seen by the demonstrators,’ and for refusing the suggestion  to ‘hid[e] in the windowless upstairs portion of the library out of the demonstrators’ sight or escap[e] the library through the back exit.’  The school also notes that as the mob of protestors approached the Foundation Building’s library, an administrator locked the library doors to keep the demonstrators out.  The Court is dismayed by Cooper Union’s suggestion that the Jewish students could have hidden upstairs or left the building, or that locking the library doors was enough to discharge its obligation under Title VI [of the 1964 Civil Rights Act].  These events took place in 2023–not 1943–and Title VI places responsibility on colleges and universities to protect their Jewish students from harassment, not on those students to hide themselves away in a proverbial attic or attempt to escape from a place they have a right to be.”

Damn straight.

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Perhaps you thought that what might be viewed as petty vindictiveness had run its course when the President denied himself the services of Nikki Haley and Mike Pompeo, and stripped Pompeo and John Bolton, whose lives had been threatened by Iran, of their State Department security details.  Think again.  He has now canceled the security clearances of Antony Blinken, Jake Sullivan, Alvin Bragg, Letitia James, Lisa Monaco, and . . . Joe Biden.  No more Mr. Nice Guy.

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It could all go upside down at any time.  The world is a precarious place for Jews and Trump is, how shall we say, mercurial.  As we revel in what appears to be a brief respite from extreme urgency, boys are still dying in Gaza and the West Bank, our enemies are licking their wounds and scheming to get on with their genocidal plans to annihilate us, and there are so, so, so many haters out there.  Jewish history teaches us that we can never let our guard down and that there is no harm that we can and will not inflict on ourselves.  But . . . seeing those courageous, beautiful girls smile as they came home to a loving nation . . . sometimes you just need to thank God for every blessing bestowed upon us in this insane world.

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And, as Mark Twain (from whom I borrowed the title of this piece) said, sometimes you just need to laugh.