Life – A little but unexpected!

I do not post this for likes or any personal motives.
I post this personal letter that I wrote because sometimes we all get lost, lost on our journey called life.
I post this to give hope to the hopeless and love to those that need.
And most importantly when you need to show up, show up.
Don’t be scared to make a difference to our world.

Letter:

Tonight 2 years ago I was sleeping in my childhood bed bursting with emotions.
Fear. Love. Anger. Excitement. Tranquility. Frustration. Desire. Need. Want. Truth. Content. Despair. And hope.

Tonight 2 years ago was a crucial turning point in my life, tonight 2 years ago I was getting ready to say farewell.
Farewell to my roots, to my mother, to my culture, to my to my friends, to my home, to my brothers, to a piece of me that I needed to leave behind.

Tonight 2 years ago I stopped dreaming, I stopped dreaming of waking up in Israel.
Tonight 2 years ago, I knew that I no longer needed to pray that I would return to the birthplace of my essence.
Tonight 2 years ago I knew I would finally be at peace with myself, I would be returning to the place that illuminates my heart and soul.

Tonight 2 years ago I didn’t really expect anything because I stopped expecting from people and places. I was coming home with a pure heart, a pure heart ready to grow, open and flourish.

I knew I was returning but more than that I had no idea where I was returning to.
I did not know that I would plant fields of date and olives trees in Israel and have the true blessing of reaping what I sowed.
I did not know that I would hate and love G-d so much.
I did not know that I would learn to speak a new language fluently in less than a year.
I did not know that I would start to miss the clutter in my moms dining room or my dogs barking at 3:00am in the morning because that’s just what they do.
I did not know that I would become addicted to a country, state, nation, culture, feeling so intensely.
I did not know that I would stop sleeping because I just can’t stop serving Hashem and Hashem’s beautiful world.
I did not know that I would have the ability of saving peoples lives in the army instead of taking them.
I did not know that I would start to respect my stepfather as my father figure.
I did not know that saying Shabbat Shalom to my family 7000kms away would be the favourite part of my jam packed week.

Tonight 2 years ago I was immature.
I needed things I didn’t want and I wanted things I didn’t need.
I looked up to values, dreams, people and ideas that were absolute empty and false.

I relied on people that were never there for me when I needed them and didn’t give the people that loved me enough – time, love, respect and attention.

I did not know that I would be loved and that I would be hurt.
I did not know that I would be lost and found.
I did not know that I would set my priorities straight and realise what I truly want in my life.
I did not know that I would find the love of my life and burst with excitement/hope every time I see her.
I did not know that I would find my passion for life and reignite that fire every single day.
I did not know that I would grow into being a man.
I did not know that I would love an “adoptive” family just as much as my own blood.
I did not know that there would be days that would be to much and I would phone home in tears crying every drop out.
I did not know that I would grow so much that it hurt.
I did not know that I would actually survive and get to this point where I am tonight.

Tonight 2 years ago I had enough of where I was and what I was becoming.
Tonight 2 years ago I didn’t think that I would achieve so many goals, steps, milestones and achievements.
Tonight 2 years ago the feeling of not knowing disappeared.
I made a decision and that decision in the end made me.

Tonight 2 years ago G-d answered my prayers, he allowed me to come home.

Tonight 2 years later, I am sleeping in my bed. In my home. In Israel and I can’t wait to see where I will be in the next 2 years.

Dream = Reality.

Benji Gavronsky.