Life Porn

When I was a young lady back in the day, I owned a whole collection of porn. Yup me. Sweet little lady me. Can you imagine? I was a connoisseur, a collector if you must know and I never even watched half of the movies. I loaned them out to my friends that were too afraid to venture out to the seedy and cheesy stores themselves. You know the stores on the edge of town next to all of the liquor  stores and the strip clubs  (hey I lived in Texas).  Too afraid to have that random uncomfortable  eye contact with the cashier who always looked like he just got through stroking his most likely, oddly shaped penis. Friends that still to this day call me for advice when they need something from the hooch in mama store. blah blah blah..

So why did I share that tid bit with you? First because sharing is caring and second  because the title of this blog is Life Porn.

I will tell you that pre cancer journey, I was a little bit like my friends above when it came to living. I was always being a little safe. I wanted to watch the porn (live the life) but didn’t want to be uncomfortable in my journey (see where I’m going with this metaphor)to get there.  I wanted to live freely and have the orgasm of an amazing life but within this weird safety net. I have always been fun but  sometimes I held back..

Well not anymore.

I begged Hashem for good health and healing  and told him one day during a chemotherapy  treatment  that if he pulled me through it all that I would live life fully and without  the safety net. I would look life in its seedy little eye and live freely.

So far I have done so many things I would have never done before.  Let’s see, there has been the big move to the holy land (duh). Mindless sex (not my style at all but I’m having so much fun putting the HO in holy ). Hanging out  at a hostel (best experience ever) where I met some really amazing people and I actually lived to tell you about it (come on you know you saw the movie). Homelessness with a fucking smile. Oh and living with a 72 year old sex therapist that’s way wilder than me. Every day my life is like aisle 6 (where the fetish porn is) and I love it. My new adventure is building my life (aisle 1) here in Israel and to continue to live safety net free and to enjoy the small daily orgasms  that I have been experiencing. To be free is a challenge and I am here to tell you that I am up for it and not afraid.

Now how about you?

which aisle do you live on?