Loving Myself in Order to Love Others

We each speak to ourselves all day long.

We have thousands of thoughts throughout the day.

Some thoughts are about our own worth. Some thoughts are about other people’s worth. Many thoughts are criticism and complaints about our own achievements and others. Sometimes this self-talk is a punitive voice lashing out against our mistakes. Sometimes self-talk is mean or revengeful. Sometimes hopeless and despairing.

When we feel lousy at the end of a day often it is the product of our own perceptions.

I have found that adults whose mothers nurtured them with words and offered positive feedback have more positivity in their outlook than adults whose mother neglected them or offered daily criticism.

We can not change our mothers. We can change our self-talk!

You can begin to like yourself. You can give yourself specific praise. You can greet your day like a good friend.You can notice how you are dressed and how you make your breakfast. You can smile to yourself in the mirror and be a good friend to yourself. When you make a mistake you can say, everyone makes mistakes, it is okay.

When you befriend yourself, you generate good will towards others. Your friendship with yourself sheds light on those around you who need a friend. Your positive self-regard will protect you from neediness and desperation.

Liking yourself is a comfortable feeling. It includes laughing at your own jokes and giving yourself encouragement. This practice will spill over onto everyone in your life.

The way you befriend yourself you will befriend others.

You will also learn to protect yourself from people who do not offer you positive friendship. You will be able to walk away from those people who would dim your light. By protecting your own world, you will offer shelter for those who will be worthy of your friendship,

Try it and let me know how this works for you!

About the Author
Chana Rochel Frumin is the founder/director of The Jerusalem Narrative Therapy Institute with over 30 years experience in marital and family counseling in the Jerusalem area.
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