Makin’ Whoopee — Satire

After Whoopi Goldberg was suspended for two weeks by ABC execs from the show, “The View” for claiming on air that the Holocaust was “not about race,” I was fortunate enough to get Whoopi on my podcast, “Well-Intentioned Racists.”

Here are some excerpts of my interview with Ms. Goldberg.

Podcaster: Do you think your two week suspension (with pay) was sufficient penalty for saying something so stupid that even Donald Trump, when offered that line during his presidential campaign said, “It’s way over the top?”

Whoopi: No two weeks leave is way over the top. Donald advised me to say, “I was joking.” But I didn’t think that excuse had wings. I made a small mistake. I promised I wouldn’t say that line again on the air. That should be enough. Do they want a pound of my flesh?

Podcaster: Isn’t it true, that you were caught by the cast and the crew rehearsing the “not about race” line before the show in your dressing room?

Whoopi: No that’s a bald-face lie. I don’t remember saying that in my dressing room. You got to remember that the Nazis and the Jews were both White. Therefore, the death of some six million Jews was just white folks killing white folks. I think Hitler said, “It’s not about race. I just don’t like those folks.”

Podcaster: As the winner of an Emmy, Grammy, an Academy Award and a Tony were you throwing your hat in the ring for a seat in the Trump’s cabinet or were you thinking this was your chance to win a Daffy.

Whoopi: Neither, next question.

Podcaster: You claimed that you visited Yad Vashem, The Holocaust Memorial in DC and the Holocaust Museum LA, what was your takeaway after those trips?

Whoopi: Those museums say it all, it’s not about race but about “man’s inhumanity to man.” I forgot that Hitler thought he and the German people were “Aryans” and that the Jews were an inferior race of infected vermin. I may have to revisit those museums to get my facts straight.

Podcaster: Ms. Goldberg, do you think your stupid statement should bear any ink in the Jewish press, when “Maus” is being torn from school bookshelves in Tennessee, Neo-Nazis are marching and fighting in Orlando and two New Jersey Orthodox Jews were targeted and  buried in snow by a giant snow plow?

Whoopi: Well, when you put it that way, I guess you’re right. In two weeks when I’m back on the “View” and it will be like I never said that imbecilic line. All forgotten. Old news.

Podcaster: Whoopi, were you on drugs when you said that shit?

Whoopi: No, but I had a bad night’s sleep and I forgot the Hollywood’s number one cardinal rule.

Podcaster: What cardinal rule?

Whoopi: Unless you’re Larry David, don’t ever talk about the Jews or the Holocaust.

Podcaster: So Whoopi, what has this dreadful episode in your life, this shonda, taught you?

Whoopi: Never violate Hollywood’s cardinal rule; I’m sorry for what I said because it may cost me a lot of money.

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. Mort is a correspondent for the Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel Jewish Journal.
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