There have been so many terrorists in Israel, but none got the death penalty. Eichmann must stay an exception. The worst thing about them is that everyone is a target, no one is secure, they destroy everyone’s safety.
A murderer of a life partner is as bad. Home should be the safest place on earth. When a man kills his intimate partner, when convicted, he should be off the street forever. Life for a life.
Would that deter? Yes, because all these snakes work very deliberately. They plan their act meticulously over an extended period of time.
However, it is not true that any partner of a man is at risk. These murderers are a certain type. You’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all:
- Before marriage, you were naive and ignored the warning signs (how he was callous opposite the powerless, like the waiter, animals).
- Quickly charming (fake!) but not warm; his sex is grotesque, not intimate.
- When the front door closes, he becomes violent; no one will believe you.
- Control freak (highly secretive, confuses you, makes you feel crazy).
- Knowledge is power so you must disclose all and they lie about everything.
- Hypercritical but oversensitive to the tiniest suspicion of criticism on him.
- Either a highly intelligent cold con artist or a dumb overemotional bully.
- Thinks that you should be grateful that he married you; did you a favor. (If you believe him, that’s why he married you. But that’s not a human bond.)
- No empathy, conscience or remorse. Sees others as props in his life. His partner is his investment and property.
- Has no respect for you. Could encourage you to commit suicide.
- Could chronically hurt one child and ‘spoil’ another.
- Highly inflated ego, competitive, self-centered, demands space and honor.
- Divides mankind into powerful worthy people and worthless wimps.
- Normal people (with vulnerabilities) are a total enigma to him.
- All his ‘friends’ are just like him or totally naive like you were.
- Destroys anything you value (your friendships, possessions, personality).
- Isolates you from anything and anyone that makes you feel good.
- Salami tactics: makes you move your red lines just one more time, again.
- His abuse can be verbal (with a booming voice or whispering), emotional (ignoring, threatening you), physical (hurting you or your property), and/or sexual (rape, cold sex); the goal is not just to hurt but to feel powerful.
- They’re lonely and love to fight which gives them some kind of connection.
- Survivor of heavy childhood abuse but never did real therapy (while victimizing others, he actually feels the victim in the relationship).
If this sounds 80% like your partner:
- No, you didn’t cause this or want this.
- Don’t corner him! Sneak away. First bring yourself (and kids) to safety.
- You might feel hysterical, crazy and paranoid but he may still kill.
- If he says he’s sorry, don’t trust him. Being naive was your first mistake.
- Don’t spend your precious energy on trying to convince the incredulous.
- There is life after the worst disaster; don’t risk it. Play it safe always.
- After recovery, spend some time teaching naive others for prevention.
After being intimate with such a man, you may have a hard time trusting anyone. But 99.99% of all men are not like that. Get a partner who makes you nervous because he’s so nice (and real!), friendly and supportive.
If you know someone personally who is married to such an abusive man, don’t underestimate how much s/he’s in denial or ambivalent or how bad they feel about themselves. Don’t alarm the victim. Rather, always heap praise on him/her and say often that s/he is always welcome in your house no matter what time of day. Yet, if you know someone considering to marry such a snake, be complimentary too but add that s/he can do much better and that any feeling of comfortableness would soon disappear.
The victims of such men often also were abused as kids but they drew very different conclusions. The abuser apparently decided never to let anyone so close again as not to get hurt like that ever again. The grown-victim apparently had decided to doubt themselves, their importance, and their intelligence rather than blame the abuser, to stay hopeful about the latter.
There are also such toxic women. However, typically, they will not kill. But they make their partners live in hell too. You can help their victims escape too by valuing them, their importance, and their intelligence.