Marriage Education, Enrichment / Enhancement & Advocacy
Marriage – Avraham and Sarah and Rabbi Sacks z”l
In the series of Torah portions which have occupied center stage these past few weeks including this week’s Torah portion of Chayei Sarah, the reader is introduced in a very descriptive manner to the trials and tribulations of our first Jewish patriarch Avraham and his “woman of valor” matriarch Sarah.
Over the course of their married life, they encountered the uprooting of their life to settle in the land of Canaan only to be forced to escape to Egypt due to famine; the kidnapping of Sarah in two instances; as well as the pain of infertility and the ramifications of a rival marriage and conflicting loyalties. And even with the birth of a son in their old age, the couple was faced with disputing sentiments as to how to deal with the challenge presented by the son of the concubine wife Hagar in his treatment of their son Isaac.
For the more detailed explanations of the trials and tribulations of Sarah, I refer you to the article by Shalom Goodman entitled “Sarah of the Bible: The First Matriarch”
The Marriage of Commitment and Loyalty and Perseverance
And yet, the couple navigated the trials and tribulations with a spirit of fierce loyalty and partnership, and a determination and perseverance to weather the storms of their circumstances with mutual respect and faith in Hashem as well as in the mission to which they were undertaking to spread monotheism and the values of Judaism.
In the coming weeks, the non- profit Together in Happiness will be producing a series of videos reflecting the character traits of Avraham and Sarah and how they merged for achieving a committed marriage and the lessons which Jewish couples can learn; however, as a way of introduction – the following character traits personify the strength of their union as the basis for demonstrating for couples what can be applied in their own marriages:
- Enduring Faith (Emuna) in G-d and Divine Promises
- Partnership and Mutual Respect
- Resilience, Dedication and Perseverance
- Openness and Willingness for Adjustments for Changing Circumstances
- Hospitality and Kindness
- Loyalty and Mutual Support and Encouragement
- Shared Spiritual Vision
- Emotional Courage and Vulnerability
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks z”l and his Passion for Marriages
The significance of creating and sustaining happy and meaningful marriages also was a theme advocated by the late Rabbi Jonathan Sacks whose fifth yahrzeit was observed on November 11 this year which was the 20th of Cheshvan.
The Future of Marriage
In an address on Marriage and the Family , the late Chief Rabbi Lord Sacks z”l discussed the difficulty of sustaining marriage and the family.
His full address entitled Rabbi Jonathan Sacks on Family and Marriage may be viewed on the following link:
What resonated with me are his words about marriage: “believe me, it is not an optional extra when it comes to human happiness. It is not good for man to live alone, and therefore the importance of marriage and the family, I call love that becomes loyalty. That is the essential of human emotional literacy.”
After citing statistics and the impact of divorce on children, he asked “so how do you create a marriage and sustain it, I think it takes a GREAT DEAL OF SUPPORT FROM FRIENDS, FROM COMMUNITY, FROM TRADITION TO KEEP A MARRIAGE GOING… and celebrating that the divine presence is to be found in man and woman when they are joined in love. That is what sustains a marriage, and a marriage is what gives us a sense of happiness…”
Additional Reflection of Marriage by Rabbi Sacks
In a very poignant personal reflection on his own marriage, in an article entitled “ Marriage is a song for two voices in harmony,” Rabbi Sacks delineated his sentiments about marriage by stating that “We knew – and surely that knowledge is what marriage means – that we would find strength in the unspoken presence of love, come what may.
That made the hardest moments bearable. Looking back, you realize the power of that slender bond by which two people pledge themselves to one another, turning love into loyalty and a source of new life.“
An Additional Voice of Authority
An additional significant marriage which is also given Center Stage particularly in this week’s Torah Reading of Chayei Sarah is the marriage of the patriarch Isaac and matriarch Rebecca.
Rabbi Y.Y. Jacobson in his article “What Comes First: Love or Marriage?” makes a brilliant observation regarding the uniqueness of the marriage of Isaac and Rebecca by noting that the love follows the marriage. Rabbi Jacobson then proceeds to compare the marriage to the midday prayer time of the afternoon prayer of Mincha and defines marriage as “the simple, unromantic, non- dramatic, commitment of two people to each other, during the boring and flat days of life.”
He goes on to state regarding marriage:
“Two souls holding hands together through the vicissitudes of life, in difficult times, in serene times, in monotonous moments and in thrilling moments. It is the loyalty and trust built over years of supporting each other, day by day, hour by hour, in buying tomatoes, taking the kid to the doctor and fixing the leak in the basement.”
He continues” This was Isaac’s love. It is the “Mincha” love, the one that comes from an ongoing consistent bond in the daily grind of life.”
Citing the unchangeable nature of “an appreciation of the character traits, inner personality and values of the other person, “
Rabbi Jacobson makes a clear statement about marriage. These are his words:
“A marriage must be built on good judgement, sound reason, an appreciation of the inner, enduring qualities and values of the other person, and it must possess the enduring commitment of a couple to each other, day -in, day- out, in a bond of steadfast and simple faithfulness and trust.”
Actualizing the Potential – from Definition to the Practical
The emphasis on the subject of marriage which has been demonstrated via the marriage of the patriarchs Avraham and Sarah as well as Isaac and Rebecca particularly given prominence in this weeks’ Torah portion of Chayei Sarah, provide a framework for what character traits constitute a blueprint for a happy and healthy marriage.
Our amuta, Together in Happiness as mentioned above is producing a series of videos on the marriage of Avraham and Sarah. The focus will be on the particular respective traits which are vital to the harmony of the couple, and will provide examples and specific lessons.
The mission of Together in Happiness has been to promote marriage education and enrichment as a vehicle for teaching skills and techniques for happy and healthy marriages. The education generally delivered in a curriculum format will specify concrete examples and tips for fostering positive communication and ways to ameliorate conflict resolution.
Key Take Away
The key take away is that Marriage is of critical importance in our heritage- however, as Rabbi Sacks’ re iterated it requires a Village of interested community like members who can elevate the exposure of all couples to the elements of the marriages of Avraham and Sarah (principally) and of Isaac and Rebecca. And with a communal attitude, marriages can be elevated to a core societal emphasis and make the statement that we owe it to ourselves and our children to focus our post war attention on supporting all measures for advancing marriages NOW! Stay tuned for announcements for the Videos!
Wishing you Shabbat Shalom