Miniseries ‘Adolescence’ is not a murder mystery

Note: this contains spoilers.

I didn’t want to watch it, but I did. I wasn’t compelled by the description of the narrative- but something in me just pressed play. 

Adolescence, the new Netflix show, was so raw. It was like watching real life and real people living under extraordinary circumstances in real time.  I watched them walk, breathe, think,  cry, be, feel; I was with them in their most intimate moments with themselves.

Every episode was taken in one hour long shot (no cuts, no editing!) which forced you to be on the journey with the characters through what they were going through. The moments that would have been cut out in other films were left in – and you had to sit there at times in the silence with them.  It was like watching lives unfold, one painstakingly slow moment at a time, and it was the most realistic TV I have ever watched.  So, do I recommend it? Yes, I really do.  (If not for the cinematography alone. It’s beautifully and artistically filmed.)

Like I said, the plot didn’t interest me so much. Bottom line: a 13 year old murdered his classmate because when he asked her out during a weak moment she was experiencing, she said, “I’m not that desperate.” I’m skipping some essential pieces here but the whole thing seemed a bit dramatic from the outside.  

Now, we could discuss themes in the show such as masculinity, today’s educational system, the court system in relation to juvenile crimes, and some other themes that were elegantly woven into this mini-series…but what got to me were two things: the piece about the internet and bullying and the human development of the characters. 

Let’s go down the internet theme for a quick stroll. 

I’m currently working at an elementary school and I have seen actual bullying. Real life bullying. And we know, especially from this series, that real life doesn’t even come close to the bullying that exists on social media and gaming etc. There is transparent bullying on the internet between kids that we know of and can see. But one of the main themes of “Adolescence” was about the nuanced bullying that is going on within the internet amongst children. It is done in such an encrypted and hidden manner, that even when an adult is staring right at it, they have no idea what they are even seeing. 

Truthfully, this scared me.  I have two teens with phones. Yes, we have family link setup and yes, they have filters. But at the end of the day, I have no idea what their worlds consist of on the internet. I know what apps they use, sites they are on and what they have access to. I control their content in terms of what’s allowed and not allowed and for how much time.  But I don’t know what’s really happening between my children and the outside world. Nor do I really have control over it in this 2025 reality, in the modern world I chose to raise my kids in.

My almost 16 year old told me recently that his Brawl Stars YouTube channel (which he has with permission) was shut down because he wrote a “political” line about October 7th in the comments. He also told me that he had a conversation, on the Brawl Stars platform, with an Iranian boy who told him that he and his family are held hostage in his own country and would love to live in Israel.  In other words, there is a lot of unknown “stuff” going on even on the platforms we parents allow. 

In Adolescence, the parents, and father in particular, is distraught at how he wasn’t paying more attention to his kids “inner world” on Instagram and Tiktok. He has to go through a process not to blame himself for the murder out of neglect for his own child’s internet safety.

But watching his process unfold of how he was a good parent, and is a good parent, despite his “failure” in raising his child, is freakishly relatable. Just like he is shocked and doesn’t believe for a minute this accusation could be true about his own sweet son, he is simultaneously shocked by how much the outside world that teens live in today, affect our teen’s psyche and their decision-making.

Relatable. So, while you think this story is so far-fetched from our lives because this could never happen in real life, or in my life, the scary truth is that the father would have said the same thing if he had heard this story about someone else.

Perhaps the best description about understanding the inner world of Jamie, the boy, was stating this is a story of nurture vs. nurture. Even though his genetic makeup and his own character defects was part of the story – at the end of the day – the plot was more about nurture than nature. This world we are raising our children in is simply insane. And the ramifications of that insanity could literally lead to anything…even murder. 

The second brilliant theme was the character’s human development. 

People are complex, but most of the time we aren’t privy to others’ deep internal complexities.  We live in our own minds, our own worlds, and we (hopefully) recognize our own layers of feelings and perceptions. However, do we ever go into the internal world of others? Even if you tell me you know your spouse’s internal world, or your kid, or best friend…(and by the way, you don’t), I can’t believe you because you don’t follow them every moment of their day and emerge yourself in their thoughts around the clock. (At  least I hope you don’t!) 

You’re not with your wife when she goes into the bathroom and sits on the floor and wipes her tears.  You don’t see your husband get in the car and take 5 slow deep breaths before going to work.  And you certainly don’t see your child’s feet tapping under his desk in fear as he’s being bullied on social media.  

Although you follow deeply and intimately into many character’s journeys orbiting around the plot, including but not limited to: the detectives, the psychologist, the security guard, friends of the murdered girl, the staff at the school, and Jamie’s sister and mother – the two most purposefully deeply perplexing character developments are Jamie and his father. 

Jamie denies he did anything to the entire world – to the police, his father, his lawyer – yet it is abundantly clear he did it because of clear non-negotiable evidence. However, at the end of the show he tells his father he is pleading guilty.

Watching his process of coming to terms with what he has done is not shown descriptively or outwardly in the show; you are forced to draw your own conclusions of what his process must have been to get from “I’m innocent” to “I’m guilty.”

But the glimpse we are given is in the second episode where he is sitting with a psychologist who has to write a character analysis report for the court and watching him unravel between sheer monster-like behavior, while sipping hot chocolate and eating a cheese sandwich, is brilliant. At the end of the day- this is each of us. We sip our coffees and talk the talk and walk the walk and eat the sandwich, and we tell lies about ourselves based on our warped perceptions, or beliefs, and our distorted thinking prevents us from blaming ourselves because we all carry the “I am innocent” card wherever we go.

We see things in a distorted manner because of our pasts and education. We don’t and can’t see things for what they are because of excuses we make in our minds, and the “rational” thinking, and the reasoning, and believing “I could have done so much worse,” and “it’s other people’s fault” and “I am the victim” and “it’s all relative” etc.  So yes, murder is a bit dramatic to draw the point home here, but again, this is all so relatable. The bridge from inner denial to facing reality is a bridge we all need to do almost daily, even if we are not a 14-year-old boy convicted of murder. 

Second is the father. I found his character to be the most realistic human embodiment I have ever watched on film. He truly showed all colors, all shades, all flavors, all variants of feelings. They came, they went, they lingered, they were denied, they were ignored, they were given a lot of attention, they were obsessed on, they were faced head on, they were buried and the list continues.

Watching his journey is watching true unadulterated feelings on screen of shock, humiliation, embarrassment, fierce anger, shame, fear, love, and so much more.

When you see him losing it at a kid after the kid vandalized his van – so relatable. I lose it sometimes. When he is trying to talk out his feelings, but can’t – so relatable. I get stuck with words. When he finally begins to talk out his thoughts and can’t stop – so relatable. Sometimes I go on and on because the cork popped open. When it is quiet, for many minutes on screen, and there is silence – so relatable. When he expresses confusion of what to think and feel about his new reality – so relatable. When he cries on his child’s bed the kind of a cry we usually only do in private, again, relatable. His moments of being trapped in his thoughts and feelings and inner turmoil (on screen), yet again, so, so relatable. 

At the end of the 4-hour long episodes, which were not narratively consecutive in story telling or time, I was left with one word in my mind: human. (You thought I was going to say relatable, weren’t you?) But it made me realize deeply, that no matter what the circumstances, experiences, stories and lives we are living, no matter where our ‘life shocks’ land on the spectrum of trauma, we all share the same basic fundamental core feelings. And watching someone else go through their process, even if it was scripted, was so validating and helped me realize that the only inner world I am truly witnessing moment to moment, is my own.

That is reason enough to be kind, compassionate and patient with all others around me. I simply don’t know what they are going through in private. 

Adolescence is  not a murder mystery, and although like stated it has many themes- the culminating final act leaves you with a strong understanding that we are all human and we are all intertwined with our feelings even if the lives we are living are totally different.