Modified Rapture!

One of my old elderly clients, Jerry Greenberg, was a Gilbert and Sullivan fanatic, especially when we listened to the Mikado. Once you get into the genre, it is quite funny. Indeed, one can see the direct evolutionary descent to the Broadway musicals from such operettas such as the Mikado. Jerry had macular degeneration, so musicals, operettas and audio books were his window to the world.

In the Mikado, our hero Nanki-Poo is thrilled to hear that his love Yum Yum does not love her guardian Koko. Although puzzled at Yum Yum’s decision to marry Koko, Nanki-Poo declares “Modified rapture!”

I feel this as I reflect on Evangelical nutcases like Mike Pompeo and Mike Pence that see Jews and Israel as catalysts for the second coming of Jesus and the rapture.

First, the rapture happens before Jesus comes back. To be crude, as only a former Christian can be, the rapture in the sick twisted mind of these meshuganas functions like the spiritual equivalent of a Sears and Roebuck vacuum cleaner. All of the “good Christians” (meaning psychopathic Evangelicals) will be taken into heaven. Planes and cars will crash while these dunderheads (and even baby Evangelicals like Trump) will look triumphantly from on high as they relish the ghastly fate of friends, family and enemy on Earth.

Thankfully, most Christians do not believe in this crap which dates from the time of the Second Great Awakening in 1830s American during that country’s first great depression when this Evangelical lunacy got running. Certainly, America’s greatest export is wacky versions of Christianity.

Secondly, Jesus will come back again. Never fear, the former prince of peace will spare all of those good Jews for Jesus. The rest of you, as well as bad non-Evangelical Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, etc. can all and will go to hell. About 7 billion out of 8 billion will die in a ghastly nuclear holocaust. Maybe that’s what that fat moron Pompeo is always smiling about. He reminds me of that horrible Uncle you fear every year at the Thanksgiving table who everybody just wishes will fall asleep at the table or leave.

Certainly, we have legitimate security concerns and an enemy in Iran with Revolutionary Guards and their allies within three miles of our Northern border with the Golan. However, with friends like this, who needs enemies.

For those of you who have been in the old city, near the entrance to the Christian Quarter is Christ’s Church. Christ Church, Jerusalem, is an Anglican church located inside the Old City of Jerusalem. The building itself is part of a small compound just inside the Jaffa Gate opposite King David’s citadel. It was built in 1849, in anticipation that the second coming of Jesus was near. Its mission was then and is now to convert Jews. I have read that the building resembles a synagogue to make Jews feel comfortable and ready to accept Jesus.

British Evangelicals and Anglicans were very supportive of a Jewish homeland in Palestine, just to get dumped after World War I when the going got tough. We all know the story of how we had to throw off the British yoke for independence. Before we get too happy about US support, let’s remember our history.

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About the Author
Akiva ben Avraham is a former community college adjunct, US Army intelligence analyst and officer, and a caregiver.