My letter to Russia

I’ve noticed that writing letters helps sometimes. I recommend it. Try writing a letter to someone you love, someone you hate, a country, a person. It’s cathartic. Write a letter to your relative held hostage, or his/her abductor. I know it’s just an intellectual exercise but it works wonders, believe me.

Here’s my take.

Alexander Pushkin wrote that Polish-Russian enmity is just, ”an ages old quarrel between relatives.” I’d like to respond to Russia as a Pole.

Hello Russia, a Pole here. Ever since I can remember, it’s been Russia bad, Russia sad, Russia red. You claim we’re fellow Slavs, you claim we’re a family. If we are, then you’re that crazy uncle everyone warned us about. That uncle who comes to parties uninvited, drunk and wants to beat everyone up and runs around with a grenade, threatening to blow up the whole damn show. That uncle who doesn’t understand the words, ”You’re not invited, man, stay out, delirious drunk.”

Yes, that ungrateful, pesky Pole who betrayed your imperial ambitions and doesn’t want anything to do with you because what you call help and liberation we Poles call death and destruction.

The Pole who managed to occupy the Kremlin for two years, only to be pushed out. Congrats. Guess that made you feel insecure and inferior and you have been stalking us Poles for four hundred years, or more. Yeah, more. You claim that we don’t matter to you, yet you keep bothering us, attacking us, enslaving us, exploiting us, exterminating us. You lie, you project, you deflect. Your intentions are rarely, if ever, positive. We Poles know your games well but many in the world, many naive and useful idiots, believe you are a nation of ballet-dancers and riches. And you hate that we Poles see right through your games. Well, we are experts because we had to learn how to deal with you. We know you, Russia. You can fool some African country, some shmuck in the Middle East or Asia, or some intellectually impaired Yankee, but you can’t fool us Poles. We aren’t Russophobic. We pity you because we know that you lashing out is because it is you who has no real identity, it is you who has nothing to offer apart from expansionism.

I saw your poverty and it just made me sad. Polish poverty isn’t nearly as bad. You’ve convinced famous useful idiot journalists you aren’t an expansionist state. Congratulations. But it pains you, it makes you so mad, that you can’t fool us Poles. You want to kill us again and again, russify us, but we’re still here and you hate us for it. If we can’t be russified, then it’s best to kill us, da? We’re a thorn in your side and always will be. Even if you launch nukes at us, we’ll be on the horizon like specters, coming to get you, Russia. We’ll haunt you in your homes and make you go crazy. Dugin, even the best exorcist won’t help you.

10 million Americans have some degree of Polish heritage, do you know why? Cause we Poles just want to be as far away from you as possible, in a country powerful enough to stand up to you and your wicked ways. It doesn’t mean we think America is perfect. Far from it. But guess what – who do most Poles want to side with? Hint. It’s not Russia. Again, Russia, it’s not Russophobia. You just have nothing to offer apart from imperial boasting and one statue on horseback in St. Petersburg. Okay, sputnik, I’ll give you that. Do the cosmonauty. Alright, Russia, I’ll admit: we Poles could use some of your imperial hubris. Just some. It would serve us well.

To be fair, we Poles sometimes made it easier for you to come here and occupy us. Our romanticism, our messianism, our collective naivety caused the deaths of so many of our elites, making it so much easier for you to invade and take control of these beautiful Polish lands. We’re not without blame here but it doesn’t change the fact you’re a predator and always will be.

Aleksander Dugin, forget about Poland ever joining Russia. Sure, some of us might as individuals for whatever strange reason (a Pole – Dzierżyński – needed to set up your security services more than a hundred years ago because you couldn’t do it yourselves), but most of us would rather die, or get as far away from you as possible rather than be forced to join the rotten Russkiy mir. And if you keep pushing, if you keep threatening, no matter how many Poles say, ”not our war,” now, if you keep testing our patience, you’re going to discover just what Poles can do when you decide it’s time to attack us openly. And it’s going to end very badly for you. Yes, you have nuclear weapons, congratulations, ”molodec,” but don’t think for a second we won’t find a way around it to get to you if you leave us no choice. Attack us openly and Russia will never know peace and Russians will never know peace. We will make sure of that.

And we won’t be asking anyone for permission.  Look at your history, Russia. You know Poles can mess things up for you really badly. We know how you think. A Polish-Jewish-Soviet psychic called Wolf Messing walked into Stalin’s office and startled him. Legend has it Stalin was afraid of him. Messing had planted a mental suggestion in the minds of the guards that he was Beria, or so the story goes.

Russia, why are you so obsessed with us? It reminds me of a mean girls meme that Israeli Defense Forces posted a while back on their social media to mock Iran. Russia, don’t you have enough territory? What do you want from us Poles? Is it because you loved us, wanted to be us, and we rejected you, made you feel inferior and now you’re lashing out like a jilted lover? So what do you want? Do you need us Poles because, deep down, you know we have what Russians lack: a creative spirit, that rebellious spirit of liberum veto, so alien to your tsarist ways? Be careful, Russia, too many Poles are going to rip your so-called empire apart with our non-conformism and scheming. Maybe you need us to breathe new life into that terrible construct you call a nation? Or maybe you don’t even know what you want. Maybe you just want to turn Poland into a giant mass grave. You’d love that, wouldn’t you, Dugin? You won’t say that openly, you’re not stupid. Or maybe you are and I’m overestimating your intelligence. You won’t get the chance to snap selfies in front of mass graves near Warsaw just yet.

Russia, do you see yourself as an older brother who needs to protect other Slavs? Then you’re doing a terrible job. Just ask Ukrainians. It would be best if you took a look in the mirror and realized you’re not the older brother here. But, of course, just like a spoiled know-it-all-brat, you won’t do it. Russia, you’re attacking your origins. Attacking Ukraine is one of the dumbest things you’ve done in your existence.

So call us podle polskie sabaki, Solovyov, but you can’t scare us Poles. Imposing your political system by trickery and threats. Matryoshka doubles. Deportations to Siberia. Mass killings. Stealing stuff. Destroying infrastructure. Trying to russify us for more than a century. We know your game. Your pathetic explanations that Bucha is fake because it sounds like butcher in British English, so it must be a British psyop… Lord have mercy.

We know what you are and what you’re capable of, Russia. And you don’t impress us. 

But you know what? Even if I die because your nukes hit Warsaw, I forgive you, even though I shouldn’t. Let God sort you out. Hating you is pointless, you don’t even deserve that much attention. What matters is my novel will be ready by then.