My Post Divorce Checklist

Disclaimer: Rest assured that no men have been injured, abused, buried alive in a box or otherwise tortured…against their will, for the purpose of writing this blog post.

Yes, I am talking to YOU!

So get this, I am divorced. I am not proud or ashamed of this fact. It is just a fact. I got married young to a man who I loved wholeheartedly and, unfortunately, as a young person in love didn’t understand that certain things don’t go away and, even more so with age, usually get worse.

If I were living in the 1800’s my marriage would be considered a huge marital success since the average time span a marriage lasted in those years was 12 years (just like mine did). Of course, that was mostly due to the fact that women died in childbirth, men fell off their horses, infections were lethal and most of today’s minor maladies were, in those days, mostly fatal. I guess they probably had something else in mind when they vowed “Till death do us part.”

Recently I found a checklist I made, just a doodle I sketched on a piece of scrap paper with some of the basic things I wanted to do after my divorce. A Post Divorce To-Do List of sorts. (For the sake of my conservative audience of Anglo-Saxon blog readers I have omitted some of the items on that list. Yes yes, I know. I am a good person.)

Anyone who has gone through divorce themselves knows full well that divorce can be an all consuming life event and distraction is key. Generally, you will find it more difficult to endure if you don’t know how to plan for the future without getting trapped in the present and tortured by the past.

Is she ever going to stop talking about her ex already??

Kudos to those of you who are ready to kill all of your divorced friends whom you supported through the entire self-centered process and whom you continue to nod and show interest in regarding their “ex” talk. You will probably do well distracting your divorced, or soon to be divorced, friends by trying to encourage them to stop talking about their exes for one second and to try to do something productive instead.

It is to the benefit of anyone who is about to enter a new stage in their lives to make sure to set goals and to try to keep to them whenever possible. This is the list I wrote for myself. Don’t say I wasn’t productive! Let’s see how I fared.

Get back on a horse

When I was a teenager I was thrown off a horse when riding and had a hard time getting back on. I want to face that fear, and just do it, but I haven’t. I visited the stables near my home once just to connect with the horses and be in the same vicinity as them. I still haven’t gone riding. Is anyone going to join me? Force me?

Buy a big queen sized bed

Being religious married woman meant that sleeping arrangement options are somewhat limited. The orthodox adherence to a woman’s marital cleanliness and cycle includes unclean times of the month where a woman remains separated from her husband. Hence, two beds that are pushed together instead of one big comfortable one. The two beds arrangement generally leads to a lot of rolling around, trying to fit things back together and generally sleeping by yourself….together. I decided that I now need to have a normal, queen sized bed that I can sleep diagonally, horizontally and comfortably on, whenever I want.

The funny thing is that I still only sleep on half the bed but if I want to take up 160 cm of space then I have the option to do so, damn it!

My bed. Not my linens. Not my mattress.

Do stand up comedy

I always wanted to but I never had the guts. Then I realized that I have nothing to lose. Benji Lovitt, I give you the stage on this one. I did my part and then I blogged about it, of course.

Stand-up comedy. Now Please Sit Down.

Alone on stage with only the mic

Run a half marathon

I ran the half marathon in the Jerusalem marathon, 2010. It was a killer running over all of those never ending hills on such rough terrain. But I did it. And as I ran I said to myself…well, if you want to know then read my post. These days I usually run the 10K runs knowing in my heart that if I wanted to I could do it.

Running My First Half Marathon

After running the Jerusalem half marathon 2010

Learn how to dance

I dated this guy who danced salsa. He invited me to come and see what the salsa hype is all about. So I went.

He is no longer in my life but salsa dancing is and I am grateful to him for introducing me to it. Learning to Salsa dance and trying to become a conditioned dancer took time and continues to require a lot of commitment and practice. But I love it. I love the music, the feeling of moving your body to the music, of following the man’s lead, all part of what makes Salsa dancing so intense and so much fun. As my teacher Moran Ezra always says to me, “Devora, I don’t know what you do in your life, but on the dance floor, the man always leads.” I try my best.

Salsa Dancing In Jerusalem

Me and Eddy, one of my favorite Salsa partners

Make an ex-boyfriend jealous because he didn’t marry me

Meh.

Go back to school and learn something new

I am a nudge.

I get things done.

I like when everything runs efficiently.

For all of those reasons above, my company has agreed to send me to learn book-keeping/accounting. I have always been studious and if my situation allowed for it, I would love to live my life as a full time student. Now I feel like I have been given a great chance to learn a new skill while continuing to work.

Check this one off.

Get my blog featured on the Times of Israel

I really can’t complain. Well I can but I have been featured enough to warrant only one complaint per day, usually at the same time as when I take my vitamins.

One of my featured posts:

Do we ever really make peace with our past?

Let bygones be bygones….are you a bygone?

Speed date without any competition

I haven’t done speed dating, but I have dated a lot. So I guess that counts. Is there really any competition anyways????

Travel somewhere alone

I went to Prague for 6 days on my own. I decided that I wanted to travel and that I would rather go alone than go with someone I didn’t feel like being with for 6 days. I couldn’t think of anyone I would want to spend that much away time with except for my sister who was busy, so I went solo and I had the best time.

I went to a Jazz show.

Heard Gershwin in the Spanish Synagogue.

Jogged all over.

Bought a leather coat that was made in Canada.

Drank lots of Czech beer.

Met John Cleese.

Climbed to the top of a huge tower.

Got a tour from a local guy in exchange for me paying for dinner.

I know that there is some fun and security in traveling in pairs, but I made my own fun and I am happy I went.