My son’s tears: An update

Two weeks ago I wrote “My son’s tears” about my son Aryeh, an injured lone reserve soldier who is suffering from PTSD and feels neglected and alone. Living in New York and being far from my son has been torture. I hadn’t been able to travel to Israel for various reasons and it broke my heart to see my son suffer from afar.

The response to that post has been overwhelming. So many people messaged me, with suggestions, phone numbers, offers of meals, to “adopt” him, etc. People truly want to help.

I had written about Aryeh’s testimony at the Knesset and asked the readers to email the Knesset members with support or requests for them to be part of the committee meetings to brainstorm and plan how to help lone reservists and lone injured veterans who have specialized rehabilitation needs.

Since then, the Knesset committee has held two more meetings that were well-attended and at which other lone soldier reservists spoke along with family members of lone reservists who recently tragically died by suicide. Many NGOs were present and contributed to the conversation as well. In sum and substance, the problem was acknowledged and MK Oded Forer is moving the committee ahead with planning how to solve or mitigate this crisis. Thirteen thousand lone reserve soldiers are fighting or have fought in this current war. Forer wants to make funds available to the lone soldier NGOs so that mental health help is available immediately for those who need it. Another committee meeting is scheduled for next week.

Thanks to a grant from one of those NGOs and donations from dear friends, I was able to fly to Israel to see Aryeh. I arrived last week on Tuesday morning and was with him for almost six days. It was so wonderful to be with him, yet at the same time so hard to see his suffering. I cooked and baked for him, we shopped for groceries, I hung out on the sofa while he played video games, we watched movies, I went with him to medical appointments and we just spent time in each other’s company.

While I was in Israel we were gifted a couple of nights at the Dan Panorama in Haifa, donated in conjunction with Ach Gadol, the lone soldier mentor program where Aryeh volunteers, in recognition of Aryeh’s army service and my visit. It was lovely being spoiled and it did us both a world of good, to be away from “regular life” for a bit. It was meaningful for Aryeh to have his contribution to the war recognized in this way.

I am back in New York, returning to work and my day-to-day life here. But my heart is in Israel. To leave my son while he is suffering physically and mentally is torture. But I know things are moving in the right direction for my son and other lone soldier reservists. Aryeh is getting the help he needs psychologically, and the physical wounds are being monitored. Medical testing he needs but was having trouble getting scheduled due to bureaucracy is finally going to happen thanks to a friend of a friend who has been able to get the ball rolling.

One issue I became aware of by watching my son navigate his new life is that he is solely responsible for making sure he gets the care he needs. There are days he can barely get out of bed, yet if he needs appointments or tests or what have you, it’s on him to call and follow up, to deal with the bureaucracy and paper chasing from the Ministry of Defense. He needs some kind of personal assistant who can make sure he’s on track with his tests and doctors’ appointments. Someone who can also cut through the red tape and bureaucracy so that all Aryeh has to do is show up at appointments and tests, and can fully focus on his day-to-day needs and his healing.

I have a lot to process from my six days in Israel. But this I know: The Israeli people are so grateful for Aryeh’s sacrifices and want to do everything they can to help their injured veterans.

One heart-warming story: I invited some of Aryeh’s friends for a home-cooked dinner and a friend of his stopped to pick up some pastries on the way. The cashier asked him if he was buying a picnic for his girlfriend or wife, and he explained that he was visiting his friend who was a wounded veteran. The cashier and her friend put together a large care package for Aryeh – chocolate and candies, some Axe products – with a beautiful note that said “Am Yisrael Chai. Speedy recovery, with love.” Just two random women who had the chance to do something lovely for one of their own who was suffering.

Aryeh has a long road ahead of him, as do many wounded veterans. It’s on us, it’s on the Israeli government, on the Israeli people, to make sure that every single wounded veteran has everything needed in order to heal, whether from physical wounds, mental wounds, or financial struggles. No veteran, lone soldier or not, should be left to founder alone.

I want to thank all of you who reached out to me. Your help makes a difference.