Noah’s Ark, Shabbat and the Five Love Languages

In my blogs this week, we’ve explored the marriage lessons of Noah and Na’amah—from weathering life’s storms to appreciating the good in one another and embracing opportunities for renewal.

But here’s another question worth exploring: How did Noah and Na’amah make time for their marriage aboard the Ark?

We don’t know how they observed Shabbat or nurtured their relationship amid their extraordinary responsibilities. Yet their experience raises a question for couples today: Are we making enough time to nurture our love?

A loving marriage deserves attention every day. But Shabbat offers something especially precious—a sanctuary in time to deepen the bond between husband and wife.

Shabbat: A Sanctuary for Our Marriage

Throughout the week, work, family, and responsibilities can leave even loving couples with little time for one another.

Then comes Shabbat.

The candles are lit. The pace slows. The distractions of the outside world recede.

Shabbat renews us spiritually. Why not also make it an opportunity to renew our marriage?

Not simply sharing a Shabbat table, but sharing our hearts.

Five Love Languages: Five Shabbat Loving Overtures

Marriage author Gary Chapman popularized the Five Love Languages, recognizing that spouses may express and experience love differently.

For a Jewish perspective, Rabbi Avraham and Goldie Plotkin of Chabad of Markham offer The Five Love Languages: A Chassidic Couple Tells All, connecting these expressions of love to Jewish marriage and the wedding ceremony.

We may love our spouse deeply, yet express that love in ways that don’t always reach their heart.

A husband may show love through practical help while his wife longs for conversation. A wife may offer thoughtful gifts while her husband treasures words of appreciation.

The secret is not simply to love our spouse, but to discover how our spouse feels loved.

Here are five loving overtures to try this Shabbat.

1. Words of Affirmation — Kavod (Respect)

Make appreciation heard.

• Offer a heartfelt compliment at the Shabbat table.
• Thank your spouse for something often taken for granted.
• Share a quality you still admire after all your years together.

The gift: Feeling valued and cherished.

2. Quality Time — Zman Eichut (Meaningful Time)

Give your spouse your undivided attention.

• Enjoy a leisurely Shabbat walk together.
• Have a conversation without household distractions.
• Recall a favorite memory or dream about a new experience together.

The gift: Renewed friendship and emotional closeness.

3. Acts of Service — Chesed (Loving-Kindness)

Show love by easing your spouse’s responsibilities.

• Share Shabbat preparations without being asked.
• Take responsibility for a tiring task.
• Create an opportunity for your spouse to rest.

The gift: Feeling supported and cared for.

4. Receiving Gifts — Matana (Thoughtfulness)

Let a small gesture say, “I was thinking of you.”

• Leave a handwritten love note before Shabbat.
• Surprise your spouse with a favorite treat.
• Offer a small gift recalling a treasured memory.

The gift: Feeling remembered and treasured.

5. Physical Touch — Kirvah (Closeness)

Express affection through touch when mutually welcomed and permitted by halacha.

• Share a warm embrace before Shabbat.
• Hold hands or sit close during a quiet moment.
• During niddah, when physical contact is prohibited under the laws of taharat hamishpacha (family purity), nurture intimacy through loving words, thoughtful gestures, and meaningful conversation.

The gift: Tenderness and connection.

The Shabbat Love Challenge

Before Shabbat, ask your spouse:

“What loving gesture would make this Shabbat especially meaningful for you?”

Perhaps your husband would treasure an uninterrupted conversation more than an elaborate meal. Perhaps your wife would appreciate help with preparations more than another bouquet of flowers.

Or perhaps you’d both enjoy reviving a Shabbat tradition from your newlywed years.

After Shabbat, ask:

“What did we do that made us feel closer?”

Then carry that loving gesture into the coming week.

Fifty-Two Shabbatot, Fifty-Two Opportunities for Marriage Renewal

Noah’s Ark sheltered a family through extraordinary uncertainty. Our homes, too, can become sanctuaries of love, appreciation, and belonging.

A thriving marriage isn’t built on Shabbat alone. It’s nurtured every day through kindness, respect, and thoughtful expressions of affection.

Shabbat doesn’t replace those everyday expressions of love. It gives us precious time to deepen them.

Imagine fifty-two Shabbatot each year—fifty-two opportunities to discover new ways of making our spouse feel cherished.

Not another obligation. Not another item on our Shabbat checklist.

Simply a weekly invitation to reconnect, renew our affection, and celebrate the person we married.

A loving marriage is nurtured every day. Shabbat gives us the gift of time to make that love even more meaningful.

At Together in Happiness (B’Yachad B’Osher), we believe marriage education helps couples turn loving intentions into practical skills, deepening connection, renewing affection, and nurturing shalom bayit at every stage of marriage.