October 7: Honor Their Love by Nurturing Ours

What would you give for one more opportunity to tell your spouse, “I love you”?

At the National Memorial Ceremony Families of October 7, a song about love accompanied photographs of couples whose lives were brutally taken.

The images were heartbreaking.

Each photograph represented a love story. A marriage. Shared memories. Dreams of a future together.

A future that Hamas stole.

As I watched, one thought stayed with me:

Those couples were denied the opportunity to continue nurturing their love. What are we doing with ours?

Are We Taking Love for Granted?

Think about the ordinary moments of marriage.

A warm greeting. A shared meal. A reassuring embrace. A simple “I love you.”

How easily we assume there will always be another Shabbat, another anniversary, another day together.

October 7 shattered that assumption for so many couples and families.

And yet, how often do we allow trivialities to overshadow our love?

The forgotten errand. The annoying habit. The disagreement that hardly matters tomorrow.

Must every irritation become an argument?

Must we always have the last word?

Is being right more important than being loving?

Perhaps the question we should ask is:

“Am I treating the person I married as someone I treasure—or someone I take for granted?”

 Love Is a Verb, Not Just a Feeling

Under the chuppah, we commit ourselves to building a life together.

But love cannot remain a beautiful sentiment from our wedding day.

Our spouse should experience our love through the way we treat them.

And that places responsibility on both husband and wife.

Not just to expect love, but to demonstrate it.

Not just to seek appreciation, but to express it.

Not just to identify what our spouse could improve, but to examine ourselves.

FIVE WAYS TO MAKE LOVE COUNT

Here are five ways to put love into action:

1. Express it. Don’t postpone the hug, the kind word, or the “I love you.”
2. Appreciate it. Notice and acknowledge the everyday kindnesses that make your shared life meaningful.
3. Protect it. Don’t allow minor irritations to become major disagreements.
4. Invest in it. Make time to talk, listen, laugh, and create memories together.
5. Personalize it. Ask your spouse, “What can I do to help you feel more loved?” Then act on the answer.

Love is not measured only by what we feel, but by what we give.

SHALOM BAYIT BEGINS WITH US

Our Jewish tradition places enormous importance on shalom bayit—peace and harmony in the home.

But shalom bayit does not happen automatically.

It grows through kindness, mutual respect, appreciation, and the daily choices that strengthen our connection.

THE NEW ASK

Instead of asking, “Why isn’t my spouse doing more?” perhaps we should begin with:

“What am I doing to make our marriage more loving?”

And perhaps, even more importantly:

“Does my spouse feel the love I believe I am giving?”

 THE PHOTOS TELL THE STORY

I keep returning to those photographs.

The smiles. The closeness. The love stories interrupted.

We cannot give those couples another embrace, another shared Shabbat, or another opportunity to say, “I love you.”

The MARRIAGE CHALLENGE

WE still have those opportunities to demonstrate and display our love.

So here is my MARRIAGE CHALLENGE:

Before today ends, do one meaningful thing to make your spouse feel especially loved.

Not because it is an anniversary.

Not because you expect something in return.

Simply because you still can.

And tomorrow, do it again.

May the memories of the couples murdered on October 7, and all the precious lives stolen that day, be for a blessing.

They were denied the chance to continue nurturing their love. We still have ours.

Let us honor their memory by making our love count.