October 7th: The Aftermath

Yesterday was momentous day, one I’m certain all of us- Jews and non Jews- have been waiting for.  The release of the hostages!   I watched as many reunion videos as I could find on Youtube and cried through each and every one.

I know many people who have been able to hold this conflict at bay.  I am NOT one of them.

I wish I could understand why…possibly I do understand … October 7th, 2023 was like a direct stab into my heart.  Perhaps I’m more Jewish than I know, I mean I did go to Hebrew school full time for 8 years.  Maybe our small community is more threaded to gather than we know.  Doesn’t matter. What does matter is that my emotional well-being has declined.

My brain, which, though very creative, is also extremely logical. Go figure…I was good at math but also abstract constructs intrigue me. What happened following this vicious, horrific attack of Hamas upon innocent peace-loving Israelis has been far beyond my ability to comprehend.  With the help of the mainstream media, Israel was suddenly labeled the aggressor for finally taking action against these monsters! Alternate Universe-the Jewish nation was now being painted as the monster.

While heinous conflicts through the world received no air time, the media became obsessed with Israel, Israel, Israel.  The lies began to spread like the covid virus.   Possibly so many are still recuperating from this trauma, this worldwide catastrophe?   It split families and friends apart.and in my humble opinion matters were handled terribly.  The main focus seemed to be about terrorizing people and treating us all as infants.  We lost our right to choose- oh don’t get me wrong, I was a supporter of masks and vaccines but I also hated the cruelty towards the elderly,  kept apart from their families for two years . (I mention all this as I feel there are residual remains of hostility within people’s psyche.)

But back to October 7th.

Suddenly certain people I loved were not even interested in listening to my feelings or thoughts about it all- I mean they heard the information on CBC, CNN, BBC, and more.  How could these ‘reliable’ sources have it wrong? And yet each time a media trope came out, it was back pedalled…oh whoops, it was Hamas’s own rockets that bombed Shifa Hospital, oh whoops, babies were not being starved, oh whoops, there was no genocide, or occupation for that matter.  Trust me I kept fact checking, which was more than any mainstream media journalist was doing. Furthermore, they were sourcing ‘the Hamas Ministry of Health’ as their ‘reliable source? Come on folks! Have you ever heard of propaganda?  Well These terrorists had that one down! Hence the kidnapping of 240 hostages.  They knew this would be their bargaining chip throughout. This was a war, started by Hamas. Hamas, who hid amongst civilians, built a 500 mile infrastructure of terror tunnels throughout Gaza with entrances in hospitals, children’s bedrooms and more.

I hunted for and found what I believed to be reliable sources of information- smaller journalists interested in the truth.   As I tried to share certain facts, I noticed many were not interested.  They were tied to their convictions.

Let me veer off course here for a moment and tell you about the Dr. Stein Theory.  I made this name up but I’m certain my former shrink would be honoured.  Dr. Stein had one of the most brilliant minds I have ever had the honour of learning from.  As an overly sensitive artistic soul, I had become very used to blaming myself for everything that went wrong in my life.  Trust me, it’s a terrible stance to hold because others are so eager to point fingers  and, bleh, I had become a victim of my own thought process.  Rather than seeing all sides of life through a prism, I had locked into my own self-inflicted prison.  Here’s one of the best lessons Dr. Stein taught me.  It was with regards to the ‘objectified person’ (Sorry Dr Stein if I don’t get this just right but I think I have the gist of it).  He would see a patient who had had a mental breakdown in the psych ward.  He understood that this patient was carrying the dysfunction of the entire family.  They had projected all their own negativity onto this person and this person and they had made some sort of silent deal to carry it until the they could no longer.  He observed that as he worked with the patient, helped them to understand the role they had been accepting, they would begin to recover, feel better and as they stopped holding the emotional baggage of the family, well the family began to break down…with their own projected ‘stuff’.

Here’s where I will tie it all together.

I believe that hatred  is about projecting one’s own inner self hatred.   Much like bullying, the bully is angry and the victim has appeared in some way weak.  This is so important to comprehend because the minute we do, we understand, while we cannot control this projected hatred, we do not have to carry it, take it personally.  Trust me, I have been reminding myself of this for the past two years…as I’ve never seen this type of rampant antisemitism.  And true strength is about having a strong moral compass.  Not necessarily attached to your convictions but interested and curious.

I know there is more to this equation;    I find it impossible to make sense of these pro-Palestinian ‘protests’ and how can anyone make sense of the fact that very little has been done to shut them down? They are not protests they are huge gatherings of very angry, misinformed people shouting out hate speech.  But I’ll save my analysis of that for another day…or not.

In any case, personally, I feel so relieved that the hostages have returned home.  I Feel immense gratitude for the work President Trump and Prime Minister Netanyahu accomplished together.  I am saddened by  all the Bibi haters who booed him at Freedom Square (Formerly Hostage square).  Shame on you.  You are all part of this divisive mindset blocking peace.  I know you have your reasons for hating.  Maybe talk to Dr Stein.

As for me, this is a whole new world.  I have lost friends, made new friends, kept much of the world at bay, tried to hang on to my own sanity.  I know, more than ever, the strength of my own heart.  I am so grateful to those who have shown me kindness and compassion through these dark times and I am proud to be Jewish.

I am going to do my very best to disconnect from all of the politics. I need to rediscover my own internal balance through being with those I love.  Thank you all, you know who you are.

I will continue to pray for this world, that we all take a look in the mirror, as Michael Jackson suggested, and make that change.  No pointing fingers at others will make our life better- it may give some momentary relief but at the end of the day what emanates from us, is about us.

This life is a journey.  I am blessed.

Thank God for the return of these incredible souls and for the immense joy of their families.  The suffering has been insurmountable as has their strength.