Parshah through the Mediator’s Lens: Acharei-Kedoshim

This week’s double portion, Acharei Mot – Kedoshim (Leviticus 16:1–20:27), offers profound guidance, not just in law and ritual, but in how we relate to one another with justice, dignity, and compassion.

The Portion at a Glance

Acharei Mot begins with instructions for Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, where the High Priest enters the Holy of Holies to atone for the people’s sins. Parshat Kedoshim follows with a sweeping series of ethical and moral commandments, covering laws about honesty, fairness, sexual conduct, and respect for others, laying the foundation for what we now understand as the ethical core of Judaism.

Identifying Conflict: Rebuke and Resentment

One of the most striking ethical commands in Kedoshim is:“You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your fellow, but not bear sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge… you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Leviticus 19:17–18). Here lies a classic interpersonal conflict: the tension between harboring resentment and confronting wrongdoing. The Torah commands us to confront wrongdoing, yet it warns against allowing that confrontation to turn into hatred. The conflict arises when people fail to express their grievances openly, leading to passive aggression, grudges, and ultimately, fractured relationships.

How the Conflict Arises

The scenario is familiar to anyone in mediation: someone feels wronged. Perhaps a neighbor trespassed a boundary, or a business partner acted unjustly. The injured party holds resentment but says nothing—until the grievance grows into hatred, vengeance, or a fractured relationship.

The Torah prohibits this festering of silent resentment. Yet it also prohibits responding with vengeance. Instead, it calls for rebuke and ultimately, forgiveness and empathy.

This portion is directly applicable to current events here in Philadelphia where last Saturday, a Temple University student patroned the bar, Barstool Philly, and with employees’ approval, wrote on a sign “F*** the Jews.” Dave Portnoy, the bar’s owner, went ballistic on social media (understandably) and later recanted his desire to destroy this individual’s life, and instead made it a teaching moment and offered to send him and the others involved to Auschwitz. After initially agreeing to this, the Temple student recanted his admission of wrongdoing and instead appeared on podcasts blaming Jews and continuing his antisemitic hatred.

Mr. Portnoy acted exactly as the Torah prescribes. He confronted the wrongdoing, issued a rebuke, but put his hatred behind him to create a teaching moment. Unfortunately, the involved individual did not rise to the level of acceptance and continued with his hatred

Applying the Torah to Modern Conflict Resolution

This ancient passage maps directly onto modern mediation principles:

• Open Communication: The Torah’s call to rebuke supports the mediator’s role in creating a safe space for parties to voice grievances constructively, rather than suppressing or exploding in anger.
• No Retaliation: As in mediation, parties are discouraged from punitive thinking. Resolution focuses on future cooperation, not retribution.
• Empathy and Understanding: “Love your neighbor as yourself” is more than a moral ideal, it’s a practical guide. In mediation, this translates to helping parties see each other’s perspectives, needs, and motivations.
• Accountability without Shame: Torah rebuke isn’t about shaming, it’s about restoring a relationship. Similarly, mediation is not about blame but about clarity, ownership, and healing.

Final Thought

Acharei-Kedoshim reminds us that holiness is not confined to the sanctuary. It lives in how we handle disagreement, rebuke a friend, forgive a wrong, and seek peace. The Torah’s approach reminds us that holiness is not just about ritual, but about how we treat one another. By fostering open dialogue and addressing conflicts with integrity, we create a more just and harmonious society.

Shabbat Shalom. May we all find ways to pursue peace with justice and compassion.

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Each week, Ari Sliffman, a Jewish legal mediator in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania discusses the week’s Parshah “through the mediator’s lens.”  Ari focuses on one or two sections of the Parshah and discusses how a mediator could have assisted with the relevant conflict.