Parshat VaYera: The Eshel Tree in Our Lives
In Parshat VaYera, we read about the Eshel tree that can be an important symbol for our world generally and is just that for the world of Eshel – that of LGBTQ Jews in the Orthodox world, specifically.
וַיִּטַּע אֵשֶׁל בִּבְאֵר שָׁבַע וַיִּקְרָא שָׁם בְּשֵׁם הָשֵׁם אֵל עוֹלָם:
“Avraham planted an אֵשֶׁל /eshel – tamarisk in Be’er Sheva, and invoked there in the Name of the Eternal, the everlasting G-d” (Bereishit 21:33).
The proper name for the species is Tamarix aphylla, commonly known as the athel tree or athel tamarisk. It is a fast-growing and expansive, drought-resistant evergreen tree native to northeastern Africa and the Middle East. Many wonder how it grows and spreads to cover such a wide area of airspace without what would clearly be considered to be normative needs for the nourishment of plants and vegetation.
What does this teach us about our own lives in our families and communities even when it is challenging to accept others and we may be hesitant to do so? How do we use the symbolism of this hearty and adaptable species to reconsider our own connections to and advocacy for each other.
In my role at Eshel, I am consistently asking people to expand their breadth of acceptance and to realize that even when conditions may not be considered to be optimal, there is space and room for growth and hearty existence, just as in the branches of the tree from which our organization takes its name. Throughout my career as an educator, I have also advocated for our different learners for those who have different abilities and may be limited in some ways and gifted in others. Ultimately, we are all lacking in some way and to accept each other validates and benefits ourselves as well as those around us.
Ribbonu shel Olam created many different species as well as variations within those species. We know this to be true about every created entity. Why would the human species be any different? Consider for a moment Rashi’s commentary on הכל מן השמים חוץ מיראת השמים “Everything comes from G-d except awe of G-d” on Berachot 33b:
“Everything is in the hands of Heaven: Everything that happens to a person is in the hands of the Holy One, Blessed be He. For example, whether a person is short or tall, poor or rich, wise or foolish, white or black—all of this is in the hands of Heaven. However, whether a person is righteous or wicked is not in the hands of Heaven; God entrusted this to man and set before him two paths, and he must choose for himself the fear of Heaven.”
We have known for many years and decades, thanks to medical knowledge and science, that gender and sexuality diversity, neurodiversity, different means of learning and so much else is varied as well. For example, we have in fact a very detailed explanation of how to address the issue of expectations Halachically in different categories for the tumtum (andrygynous person) and the andrygonos (intersex person) in our Mishneh (Bikkurim chapter 4) and many discussions regarding inclusion of such gender diverse persons in various obligations and privileges in our Gemara. Science has shown us the reality that NOT EVERY PERSON is born within the dichotomous understanding of male or female, attracted to the sex/gender that one might expect and so on. Why should this or any other specific variation in the quilt of humanity be treated any differently than the multitude of other differences with which we are all born?
I gave birth to three of our four children and adopted the fourth. We love them all fiercely and are so proud of the amazing people they are. One is a lawyer fighting for all the right things, one a palliative physician, one an amazing community worker and writer and the fourth is driving an airport shuttle while having conversations with all types of people with whom many of us may not meet. They all do so much chesed on so many levels and are ethical moral people – the most important thing a parent can want. Three of them happen to be in the LGBTQ world. They are different in their learning styles and approaches to life. Among all of them, they like the Eshel tree, cover a wide expanse of people and causes. May HaShem continue to give them the strength to do so in our way too fractured world.
People may (and some certainly do) look at our family as strange or not normative. You are an Orthodox family, Really? I never met one like yours. I will take that as a complement – we have raised children to observe all MITZVOT, to act appropriately and with care for those around them, to acknowledge that we all have to do our part to welcome and care for those around us – to increase our wingspan to show kindness to all and treat each person with dignity and love, acknowledging that we are all exactly the way Ribbonu shel Olam made us. Years ago, when I asked a Chabad Rabbi if LGBTQ folks are welcome in his community, he replied “If they are like your children, send them ALL to me.”
We each have our Shlichut, our mission, as my Chabad friends say. If the Eshel tree’s mission is to spread its branches to welcome all to eat, drink and stay (the word אשל has been explained by many as an acronym for these three signs of hospitality), then let our mission as parents and community members be to show others how to be accepting, loving and validating as well for our amazing children and all in our community, while learning such important lessons from their differences that enhance our lives in so many ways.