Passover in the Shadow of October 7: Saving a Seat for the Wicked Child

With Pesach around the corner, we ask ourselves: in the aftermath of October 7^th, can we sit at the table with the Wicked Child, one who believes Israel is wrong and is ready to share these views?

We love hearing the wise child. They have read everything that they can find on Israel and Zionism, trying to understand the arguments and the nuances. They support Israel, and even if they have a question, or criticism, here or there, they research the various answers and mostly accept the common Jewish narrative- Israel is the homeland of the Jewish people.

We can handle the simple child who is reflexively supportive. They wave the Israeli flag even if they don’t understand the complex realities of the Middle East. They are ready to learn if someone is willing to explain and have no interest in engaging in bad-faith arguments about Israel.

We feel sorry for the one who does not know how to ask, who simply turns away from news, feeling they cannot possibly participate in the conversation as they have so little knowledge of what is happening in the world. With this child, we need the patience to explain what is going on and honestly share the complexity of the conversation.

But can Jews enjoy a seder when the wicked child joins us? The one who questions what the Exodus story means to us (rather than to them) not regarding the Passover rituals or the story of Israelites being freed from bondage, but about the modern state of Israel and Zionism? The one who joins their voice with Palestinians, calling 1948 and creation of the modern state of Israel the nakba, the catastrophe? The Jew who refers to Israel and its Israeli Jewish citizens as an occupier and colonizer that bullies and “genocides” the powerless Gazans?

This unfortunate scenario with the wicked child will be the reality in many homes this Pesach. What can we do? Do we ask them not to join us so that our Seders can run smoothly without conflict? Do we bring them home and not invite the grandparent who remembers growing up without Israel and abhors that the younger generations cannot understand the need for a safe and secure Israel?

We, at Wisdom Without Walls, arrange difficult conversations around a virtual table twice a month, so we know what it means to bring these opposing voices together. We follow the model of the seder, and different kinds of children are welcome at our table. But we understand that none of us can grow without listening to one another and holding civilized conversations. And we promote the idea that everyone gets a seat at the table- literally and figuratively.

It is with that experience that we challenge our fellow Jews this Passover to see the wicked child as an opportunity for meaningful conversations. Because, in fact, many of these so-called wicked children are not wicked. They are bright and have serious questions which they feel have gone unanswered by much of mainstream Judaism, and, as with all children whose questions go unanswered, they find their answers from questionable sources.

If our “wicked children” want to know why Israel and Zionism are important to you, then it is only when we take the time to have the uncomfortable conversation and explain what it means to us that we can get any headway. Shutting down voices that enrage us is a hostile response. If we want to hold civil conversations, we must listen and respond with patience and with recognition of the nuances that these weighty subjects require.

Yes, having a child who sounds anti-Israel, who comes home repeating the absurdities they heard from professors or friends, it is hurtful. As parents or family members, we may question where we went wrong. But, you did nothing wrong. You taught your child to care and to question.

This year, let’s not just be open to difficult conversations; let us actively invite them, including with the wicked child. Bring to our seder tables those with questions, those with opposite views from ours, and share in a 2,500-year-old ritual with the same promise of engagement and learning.

After all, freedom is the focus of the Passover story. So along with a good meal, all Jews should consider sharing ideas so that everyone, the wicked and the wise, can learn something this Passover.

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This article was co-authored by Dr. Sandra Lilienthal and Rabbi Jeff Salkin, two of the co-founders of Wisdom Without Walls.