Josh Benjamin
Josh Benjamin

Pistachio Peace Plan

Following Ben and Jerry’s announcement of its intention to halt sales in the “Occupied Palestinian Territories,” Avi Zinger, CEO of Ben and Jerry’s Israel, called for Israelis to continue purchasing their ice cream – arguing that a boycott would harm hundreds of their employees.

While a hallmark of the company is not only its daring flavors, Ben and Jerry’s is also loved for the spectacular, stand-out names that go with them: “Chubby Hubby,” “Cherry Garcia” and “Karamel Sutra Core” have helped cement Ben and Jerry’s as a household name and enduring brand.

Amidst renewing global hostility against Israel, Another unique opportunity therefore arises. The following is a list of candidates for new Ben and Jerry’s flavors, which would carry with them a small taste of Israel’s story:

* * *

Settlement Freeze – Best served ice cold with a double (standard) scoop, while watching rockets rain down, with a dollop of Salty Silence.

Float-tilla Fudge – A flavor profile incorporating hints of vanilla, cream and Coca Cola, it’s the famous “coke float” in a tub! . Like your intentions to diet, context simply melts away when this charming blend hits your taste-buds.

Ken Roth Karamel – You’ll obsess over this flavor like the Human Rights Watch Chief obsesses over Israel.

Pistachio Peace Plan – You could do something useful, like learning more about the conflict or starting a constructive dialogue. Or, you could sit back, relax, whip out your keyboard, and enjoy a night stuffing your self-righteous face with a tub of this deliciousness.

Pea-Nakba-Tah Cookie Core – A variant of the wildly popular Peanut Buttah Cookie Core, the peanut-butter  will dominate the taste like the “Nakba” dominates the narrative.

Disengagement Dough – We take your feedback seriously! After years of your advice from afar, this flavor combo was uprooted from the lab and forcibly moved to the shelves. Chocolatey and smooth, it’s a mix as simple as the idea that peace can be achieved by merely giving back land.

P-L-Oh-my-God  – Somewhat controversial, this is the perfect flavor to simply sit in the freezer – for years and years. You don’t have to eat it or even open it, but it’s a nice-to-have. If your family ever complains of limited resources, you’ll be able to explain where all your money went.

Intifada Mint-Banana  – An assault on your senses! Mint and banana should probably be kept far apart – perhaps even with a wall between them! Indeed, this combo could terrorize your taste-buds! Tuck into a tub, and you may not be able to go out, take a bus or even walk on the street. Others simply eat it, move on and  forget about it completely, as if nothing happened. Recommended for fans of P-L-Oh-My-God .

Six Day Walnut  – Full disclaimer: Eat this at your own risk! You’ll think to yourself : “hey, it’s just a small tub of ice cream, I could surround it on all sides and destroy it in a matter of hours – what’s the worst that could happen?” Yet, side effects can be severe, with many customers left thinking that things would have been better if they had avoided it altogether! Like Flotilla Fudge, Disengagement Dough and Intifada Mint-Banana, the context that led you here will be forgotten. Nonetheless, a wonderful choice for those dreaming of supremacy and scapegoats.

About the Author
Josh is the former Chairman of SAUJS (South African Union of Jewish Students) Cape Town; and former Board Member of the SAJBD (South African Jewish Board of Deputies) Cape Council; and Tikvah Fellow
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