Lately, I have been finding myself doing too much and doing nothing at all. Being busy all day, running a home, taking care of my children’s needs, studying, writing, volunteering, and yet at the end of the day it feels like something is missing, that I haven’t really reached my fullest potential. That I don’t really know what my fullest potential is and I am constantly searching for something great to materialize.
But that’s when I decided to shift my mindset. I am not where I want to be yet, not career-wise, not spiritually, and most importantly not that inner peace we all yearn for, that Menuchat Hanefesh, that Yishuv Hadaat. However, every time I reach out to someone to pitch an idea, every time I write an article or interview or speak to a friend to garner some much-needed inspiration, every shiur I listen to, and every prayer I recite, what I am essentially doing is planting a seed. Until finally that one seed, or two, or three, will blossom into what will one day be my greatest potential.
Speaking to so many women I have come to realize that we are constantly striving for renewal, for constant improvement, and self-development. We have so many ideas, passions, and ever-changing and evolving goals. Whatever the goals may be – a health goal, spiritual goal, career goal, shalom bait goal, or parenting goal – it all begins with a seed. Just like anything else in life we first need to plant a seed and make it grow. Growth comes through faith and nothing will grow if we don’t first plant that seed and visualize it, envision those goals in our life. When that seed is planted and we have good roots then everything starts to flourish.
In an inspirational lecture derived from Orit Esther Riter – a renowned motivational speaker, author of the Turnaround Book Series, and the founder of the one-of-a-kind Or Emuna Energy program – she mentions that the word Ze Ra– this is bad, and Ze’ra– seed- have the same root. Ze Ra – What we think is bad is really what Hashem is using to plant for the good to come. Every time there is something that looks bad there really is growth there to be done. When someone is experiencing a certain situation or goes through something that seems so bad, there is something wonderful growing out of it. I have personally witnessed on several occasions throughout my life how I had to hit rock bottom- I couldn’t imagine getting out of the ra – only to come back stronger, more fruitful, more giving, with a purpose and a passion. I had to get to a place of desperation and what I thought at the time was a state of utter brokenness in order to yearn for change and growth, only to begin sowing seeds which later blossomed.
Zam’mah sadeh vatikachehu Mipri chapeiha nat’ah karem, – an eshet chayil considers a field and buys it; from the fruit of her handiwork she plants a vineyard. One way a woman plants the vineyard is through her tears. The constant praying and begging are sowing the seed and giving life to the plant that we can then harvest. We plant our dreams and tend to the gardens of our souls. We also tend to our spiritual gardens by learning Torah. After all, Torah is compared to water, Torah to Jews is as vital as water is to humans, and just like we need water to sprout the seeds and nourish our gardens, we need Torah learning in our lives to fully blossom the spiritual seeds we plant daily.
Just like unripe fruits can affect the person negatively, we cannot expect to gainfully reach our goals without first planting that seed, before we have developed the maturity and readiness for it. Everything has its time and if we try to take something before its time or push something to happen before Hashem decides we are ready; it will have more of a negative than a positive impact on us.
So, in the meantime, while planting my seeds, and sowing my garden I decided to enjoy the process and wait for the fruit to blossom at its right time.