Pride and reflection

So much can change during a day, let alone a year or a lifetime. Because of the constant flux and sometimes turbulence in our world and our lives, it is imperative to remember and celebrate events that make life worth living. This is a lesson that I have learned throughout my life on the pulpit as a rabbi, and one that resonates even more within me as we celebrated Pride Month this June.

A year and a half ago, my daughter Sarah Finkelstein married her wife, Kelsey McCoy. That day they became Sarah and Kelsey McFinkel.

Theirs was a most traditional untraditional wedding. The smiles on their faces expressed their inner joy and happiness on this day. Standing under the chuppah with Sarah and Kelsey, I marveled at the journey they had taken, with Kelsey’s conversion and their engagement. Looking at my wife, Elana, I marveled at our journey.

During the ceremony — which was on Sarah’s birthday — I reflected on the days leading up to Sarah’s birth. Sarah is our firstborn. On a day in October, we went to our last appointment with Elana’s obstetrician. It was about two weeks before her due date. The doctor told us we should go to the hospital, because Elana’s pregnancy would be induced the next day. I asked him if I could take her out for dinner, because everything would change tomorrow. He consented but recommended that we not take too long.

Even before arriving in the world, little Sarah was changing our lives in ways we could not imagine.

The next day, while looking at Sarah through the hospital nursery window, I stood staring and couldn’t stop smiling. The smile has remained, but, as with the birth of a child and the beginning of a family, so many changes happen.

I cannot remember all the thoughts that flooded my mind that day, but it is fair to say that they didn’t even begin to embody the range of emotions that the coming years would bring. Raising a child brings levels of joy and anguish. At times, they arrive simultaneously.

At Sarah’s baby naming and simchat bat, a blessing was offered proclaiming her Hebrew name, which ended with the hope “May the parents be privileged to raise her to womanhood… and may she enjoy the blessings of Torah, chuppah” — the wedding canopy — “and a life of good deeds.”

As new parents we couldn’t fully begin to understand the journey we were beginning.

Years later, at Sarah and Kelsey’s wedding reception, Elana toasted the new couple, saying, “You give birth to a child and watch her grow.  We all know there is no instruction manual.  You try to get it right and you even pray.  You raise your child. You teach your child. Imbue her with values.  You send her off and hope the lessons and values take. Then, over the years something remarkable happens…

“The child who you taught becomes your teacher.  Your child teaches you how to accept, that change is good, and that love is love.

“Then you see the partner she has met and the life they are building together, and you realize she has done all you have dreamed.

“Then you realize that love is good, and life is good.

“As much as Sarah has grown through infancy, adolescence, and adulthood, we have grown, too.  So, Sarah, thank you for making me a mother and thank you also for all the blessings you have brought to your father’s and my life, and just as you came into our family today, some years ago on October 23, I want to thank you for bringing Kelsey into our family and our lives this October 23.

“We love you both and wish you as much joy going forward in your lives as you have brought to us.”

Since Sarah and Kelsey’s wedding day, I have been reveling with family and friends, gazing over pictures, and sharing reminiscences, but the past weeks have given me a new perspective on their wedding and life.

Sarah and Kelsey traveled from their home in the Midwest and joined us for Passover this year. Passover is a wonderful celebration of freedom, liberation, and family, even in dark times. For us it was an opportunity to celebrate together. Sharing the seder experience with Sarah and Kelsey was a gift.  From the second day of Passover, we started to count the Omer, the days between Passover and Shavuot. As we numbered the days, I realized that in addition to counting the Omer, I was counting the days since Sarah and Kelsey returned to their home.

The conclusion of the counting of the Omer brought us to the celebration of Shavuot, which coincided with the beginning of Pride Month. Shavuot, the Feast of Weeks, is the traditional celebration of receiving the Torah at Mount Sinai. More than an observation of an event, Shavuot celebrates the revelation at Sinai and the emergence of all Torah from that Sinai experience. The Jewish world views the experience at Sinai through multiple lenses. Some see the revelation as the apex of the human-Divine experience. At Sinai we received the Word of God, and we will never be closer to understanding the Divine Will as we were at that moment. I choose to see it as a nexus between human and Divine that began a process of Torah that continues to this day and beyond.

Revelation, rather than being a static experience, is dynamic. It is a continuing process that incorporates continually evolving human understanding with the experience of the Divine.

Sarah and Kelsey’s marriage is a blessing and the fulfillment of the Divine understanding, expressed in Genesis, that it is not good for the human to be alone.

During Pride Month, as I was reflecting on their wedding, I realized how blessed I am to have a daughter who found her partner, her wife, and to know that they will never have to be alone. They have each other and their love, and we were able to celebrate that love surrounded by family and friends under a chuppah symbolizing God’s blessing.

Many people plan and look forward to June weddings, but for me, looking back on June and Pride Month, I think of the fall wedding in which my daughter married her wife, and our family celebrated love and life and where we were privileged to see them enjoy the blessings of Torah, chuppah, and a life of good deeds.