The dreadful past of the reign of King Barack is over. The reign of a brighter future of King Donald brings new hope. The appointment of Prince Jared to seal a peace agreement between us and you approaches. In that anticipated vein, I have proposed some thoughts and suggestions to him.
In gratitude for your humus, tehina, falafel, shwarma and pita, we are prepared to hand over to you our treasured family recipes for gefilte fish, gedempte fleisch, lokshen kugel, and braided challot. We may even throw in our recipe for floimen tzimmes to sweeten the deal.
We can consider transferring to you a portion of 77% of historic Palestine which was stolen from you by the British mandatory authorities without any consultation with you, the Palestinian residents, and handed over to the Hashemite Kingdom of Trans-Jordan. But of course the ultimate decision must be made by the present ruler of the Jordanian kingdom.
In return for your recognition of us as a Jewish State, we are prepared to recognize Ramallah as the capital of a future State of Palestine.
The site of Armon HaNatziv, the High Commissioner’s Palace of the former British mandate, located in the lush Talpiot section of Jerusalem is, by international law, rightfully ours. The retreating British mandate was required to cede all of its real estate to the succeeding legal government which is us, the State of Israel. In turn, we may rent the location to the government of the United States as a proposed site for its new American Embassy to be built in our capital city, eternal Jerusalem.
We guarantee you with no reservation the right to worship freely on the Temple Mount (Haram al Sharif) at the AL Aqsa mosque and the mosque of the golden dome. Nothing shall be done to disturb your worship albeit we Jews shall be permitted to visit our holy and sacred sites at times that do not interfere with your hours of worship.
In return, we require that you officially recognize us as a Jewish State and cease and desist from all terrorist hostilities against our persons and properties.
Jerusalem shall remain an undivided city and Jews and non-Jews may dwell in it peacefully under the protection of the government of the Jewish capital city and of the government of the State of Israel.
Refugees who fled from Palestine in 1948 at the creation of our independent State of Israel shall never be allowed the right of return. Sadly, too many of them still live in refugee camps instead of being incorporated into the cities and countries in which they now still dwell in misery.
If these proposals can be agreed upon by our Palestinian neighbors, I believe that the peace efforts of Prince Jared may facilitate an early agreement and each of us may live in peace under his fig and vine with none to make him afraid.
Im yirtzeh Hashem. Insh’Allah.